I am constantly amazed at life now, what really amazes me is how well I cope with it all, I would never have thought it possible that I could live with something like my primary progressive MS.
Guess I believed what other people told me about myself, actually only my mother, who used to like to tell me that I was useless.
Can see now that what she said was me, was in actual fact her, she used to claim that I was hysterical and totally irrational.
She got me so worried about emotions, so worried that I believed her, it took me ages to realise that for her, emotions were worrying.
No wonder as she had been through one of the worst periods in history, in Germany during her childhood and teenage years.
My poor mother was emotionally very damaged by the Second World War as were so many people.
And like the majority she never had any counselling for the trauma she endured, so no wonder she was a little bit strange.
Have really only recently realised quite how strange she was and the effect it had on my father and I.
Good to know that there was nothing wrong with me and that I can cope with adversity, perhaps life with my parents has helped prepare me for life now as a severely handicapped woman.
Makes sense, life with my parents in England was full of uncertainties, worry, stress, lack of information.
Sounds very like life with a primary progressive MS diagnosis.
I find myself to be optimistic, patient, resilient and dynamic even though I have been in bed since august 2008.
Amazingly I am still me, still have a good sense of humour, will not tolerate bullshit, discrimination or prejudice.
And can even cope with hearing I am inspirational and brave.
Perhaps because now I understand what it means and also because I have lost my embarrassment at being thought of like that.
Now I realise we are all inspirational to each other and we need that in order to survive.
