Winter Olympics Vancouver 2010.
Remember having a good laugh the day I suddenly realised that life was happening now and this was not a dress rehearsal for the real thing.
For some reason I thought I had to be perfect, was always discouraged from trying things at home, my parents did not like experiments.
Experiments meant the very real possibility of things getting messy, and they did not like messy.
They liked things being well organised and tidy, no loose ends, everything sorted and folded and neat.
Shame that my parents discouraged me from experimenting, notice even now the effects of not being encouraged to try things out.
Not easy trying things if you were discouraged from doing so at the time when you should be learning all about experimenting and improvising.
Life is all about trying things out and improvising, it is about making decisions, some of which can have amazing consequences.
Like whether or not to have children, I decided against as I did not want to recreate history, should have understood that this was not automatic.
Only realised much too late that I would not have done things just like my parents had done them, somehow thought I would automatically do what they did.
Silly of me to think that somehow I would be doomed to re create the same situation, forgot that I had a lot more input than that.
Glad that I did not give myself a hard time about that, it was difficult to move on but there was no way that life could carry on without moving on.
Reproaches and recriminations are not what I needed; they would just have made the pain worse.
Now I think it was a shame that I did not have children, but luckily I moved on and enjoyed what else my life had to offer me.
Glad that I did this now, good to live right here and now and not in the past or even in the future, my parents I can see now, did not like living in the present time.
Time had to be controlled; it could not be left to its own devices as that would go wrong.
As far as my parents were concerned everything had to be controlled and nothing left to chance.
Shame as life does throw up many chances; many opportunities if you keep your eyes open for them and take a chance on life.
