Good Intentions.

Roberto Matta.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roberto_Matta  

Enjoying Today.

Rene Magritte.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ren%C3%A9_Magritte

Been doing very well not actively worrying about Spike and what the blood test will tell us on Monday afternoon.

Feel pretty pleased with myself for being able to not let worrying dominate my life and ruin the weekend.

Not always easy to not worry, think that is one of the most difficult things to do, but one of the best things for me to do.

Makes life so much easier and better than if I were totally frazzled now by going over the top with worrying about every possible permutation of what could possibly happen next.

MS has certainly showed me that worrying and second guessing the future is not a good idea.

It just adds to my stress which is the last thing that I need, I need as little preferably no stress at all in my life.

The MS is already more than enough without me making it so much more worse by worrying, if I start to worry it is difficult to stop.

Difficult not to consider all aspects and before I know it I am very upset, have learned now that when I catch myself doing this I just say stop now to myself
.
And I do stop right away; it has made my life much pleasanter being able to stop myself getting upset about things that have yet to happen.

For me being right here right now and not worrying about the future is the best option for me and the one I like the best.

Like the fact that instead of using my energy negatively I can use it to be positive, just then the sun has started to shine going to post his and enjoy today.

With alot of help from friends and lots of hankies.

Thinking about the future beyond next week or next month is worrying as do not know what sort of state I will be in at the end of the year.

Already hell of a diffence with this time last year, can see that Martin, a dear and good friend who is visiting, finds it difficult to deal with me being in bed and needing so much help.

Though he tries not to show it we can see that its not easy for him, but despite that he manages to handle it all very well.

Treats me just the same as always which is very appreciated by us both.

Martin was here last year when we could go down the Ten Cate market together, me with the electric handbike attachment on the wheelchair which was good.

This year I am in bed struggling to feed myself, my hands getting useless, very hard to manipulate things with them and huge loss of strength in my back muscles.

All worrying stuff and lots of questions such as will I ever be able to sit again after the sore has healed and even how long have I got before I can not do anything at all and before I have breathing an swallowing problems.

None of which can be answered will just have to wait and see and do my best to keep as fit as possible and as positive and enjoy everything I can.

Bloody hard and can't cope without crying every day or so especially today after seeing photos from 1984 and 1987 that a very dear friend sent me today.

Will wipe my tears now and try to regain my equilibrium.