Time Is Preciously Finite.

Gayane Khachaturian.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gayane_Khachaturian

Today is another pleasantly warm day like yesterday; happily that’s where the resemblance stopped as my body was not totally cramped up like yesterday.

I did feel it get tense and cramped up, just not like yesterday, what I felt then, was an extremely intense painful feeling.

All my muscles felt totally stretched as well as tightened right up, I had to struggle to breathe, every breath felt like hard labour.

One I hope never to feel again, it was scary as it seemed to be a look at what could be waiting for me; hopeful I won’t need to experience more.

Sadly I think I would have had to let my body struggle desperately for every single breath, if I could not request euthanasia.

I have requested it, so I know that whenever we let the doctor know she will come here and she will let me die.

Writing this upsets me very much, because I will need euthanasia to avoid the final stages of my Primary Progressive MS.

I am crying as I write, weird to be writing about dying on such a lovely afternoon, strange to contemplate.

Maybe it is good because it makes me even more determined to enjoy every moment that I can enjoy, totally aware that my time is preciously finite.

   

Visiting The Market Gives Me A Huge Boost.

Gayane Khachaturian.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gayane_Khachaturian

This morning I had a really unpleasant waking up, it felt like all my muscles were cramped up tight, I couldn’t move or hardly breathe or do anything, couldn’t even open my mouth.

My jaws felt I was feeling the effects of high-speed travel, like g-forces were stopping me moving my jaws apart.

Trying to relax all I could seemed to make it, if anything much worse, after what seemed like forever it finally stopped happening.

It was frightening; afterwards I wondered whether it was nerves, maybe a panic attack about going outside this afternoon.

Somehow I doubt whether that could be the result of panic as it’s never happened before.

Despite being worried at times about going out, I have always overcome it and gone out.

So I think it due to   my muscles tightening up, will put it out of my mind and see if it happens again in the morning.

This afternoon Richie and I went to the Ten Cate market, the weather was good, no wind the temperature was a pleasant 25 degrees

                                        

It was very enjoyable, I do enjoy the sights, sounds, colours and smell of the local market, visiting the market gives me a huge boost.