Never Be My Favourite Moment.

Shoji Ueda 'Composition' (1937)
Image courtesy of the Tokyo Metropolitan Museum of Photography

Kansuke Yamamoto.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kansuke_Yamamoto_%28Surrealist%29

Summer seems to have come back; sunshine and blue skies are gorgeous as are the happy street noises drifting in the open windows.

Richie is going to get me out of bed quickly because I had a huge spasm just as he was leaving to go shopping.

It means I need to go to the toilet; the spasm and subsequent feelings of something about to happen are an urgent warning.

Neither of us wants me to have an accident in bed; Richie put the heating on right away so we can go.

 Richie got me into the bathroom, sadly I pooed on the floor as soon as he pulled off my underpants.

This has happened so often now, luckily I am no longer ashamed, now I know Richie will shower me and I will feel better again.

It will never be my favourite moment, but it is good to know Richie will sort everything out.

Seems that every week there is one day where I have one huge bowel movement, often starts to happen without any warning.

This is obviously happens because I can’t walk, don’t have good muscle control; don’t process food as efficiently, all because of my MS.

My Interest In The World I Live In.

The Golden Egg, 1967.
Victor Reinganum.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victor_Reinganum

Beautiful sunny day, we both woke at 11; not surprising as we stayed up late and watched an archive program of The Old Grey Whistle Test.

A concert by Ian Drury and The Blockheads; what a wonderful performer Ian Drury was, really mesmerising

I remember seeing him on BBC 2 in the late seventies, I was just leaving to go to the pub when the program started, I nearly missed the pub.

I fell in love with Ian Drury that night, seeing him last night made me feel the same. 

He was good, I remember how good it was, that he sung in his own voice and not in the usual bland transatlantic voice so many others sang in.

It was a real breath of fresh air to hear Ian Drury singing in this own authentic Essex voice; I believe it encouraged many other bands to do the same.

Many songwriters were given encouragement to sing in their own voices with lyrics about their lives.

Bands like Madness also sung in their own voices, it was good to listen to them telling their own stories.

Telling my own story is what I try to do everyday, I do not only write about my MS, as that would not reflect my interest in the world I live in.

Liberating Themselves.

 Margin Of Silence.
Kay Sage.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kay_Sage

Just reading yesterdays post, where I said I feel the same as ever, of course that feeling is not a physical feeling.

How I wish it were, a friend wrote an e-mail where she says it is not fair what is happening to me.

Which of course it is not, but then again what is fair, would it be fairer for me not to have MS, but for someone else to have it.

I sometimes wonder about the meaning of fair, do not think sickness and disease can ever be described in such a way.

That is too emotional, I have always tried never to see my MS like that, it just happened there was nothing that I could do to stop it.

I wish there was something that I could do, anything at all, I would put 110 % effort into it, sadly I can’t.

This week I have been cheering on all the people in Libya who can do something, they are trying to get rid of their despotic leader Gaddafi after 42 years.

Years of being bullied and intimidated, of being bribed and played off against each other and those were the ‘lucky’ ones.

The less fortunate were imprisoned, tortured and murdered, some were sent into exile and killed there.

I hope that the Libyan people will succeed in liberating themselves from Gaddafi.

.

 ..

Still Feel The Same As Ever.

The Fourteen Daggers.
Kay Sage.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kay_Sage

It is Friday again, wonderful how quickly it happens every week, Friday is a favourite day of mine.

When I was still at work I used to organise a get together after work of colleagues and friends.

It was a nice way to end the week and it was something that everyone looked forward to immensely.

Life is classified for me as when I worked and life since work, sometimes it is strange thinking about me going to work.

Lying in bed or sitting in the wheelchair it is hard to remember a time when I could do things, make things happen and be part of it all.

Difficult to realise quite how handicapped I am right now, Richie and I talked about it last night.

Richie says he too finds it very difficult to accept that I am so handicapped; he says he does not think of me as handicapped.

I do not think of myself as handicapped either, but then again, I also do not feel like I will be 60 soon.

How incredible to think that in 20 days time I will be sixty, despite the effects of my MS I still feel the same as ever.