Devestating News.

Paul Delvaux.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Delvaux

Richie was just drying me after a very pleasant shower when he made a shocking discovery that the skin was coming off the spot where the wound had been.

We are both devestated by this, one minute we were happily discussing what I wanted to put on for Marianne's visit and the next Richie was getting his glasses to examine me more closely.

When he said he needed his glasses my heart sank into my shoes, I became really worried and was dreading what he would see.

When he said that the skin was coming off I started to cry as it was even worse than I had thought it would be.

I thought he was going to look more closely at the catheter as he had discovered a problem or he had noticed that I was getting patches of yeast infection due to the sticky heat.

Anything but this, no not this again but I guess this will keep happening as the spot where the pressure sore wound was will always be extremely sensitive.

And there will never be any guarantees that it will not happen again as it obviously will, guess the only conclusion from this is that I can not take anything for granted.

Seems that I did, but I am not going to give myself a hard time about this and demoralise myself just when I am so vulnerable right now.

The only thing I can do; is that I will definitely take every opportunity once it is healed to sit and roll around as soon as I can.

To not do so especially as it is the third time now that I have had to suspend sitting in my wheelchair.

What is more worrying this time is that there is no immediate really obvious reason for the skin coming off.

Previously Richie could identify the cause right away which was somehow reassuring, this time we do not have a clue.

Which is worrying for us both especially for Richie, hope we can work out what happened so we can be vigilant and prevent it happening again?

Hope that it heals up very soon and does not escalate any further and that Ton can come round on Monday to give us his advice how to proceed.

Writing the blog has helped me a lot, can feel my spirits lifting once more, it’s good to put it into words.

I am going to enjoy the moment.

In a total contrast to yesterday this morning has been very pleasant, we have had a very gentle and peaceful waking up.

I did wake with my usual little cry of pain, but that happens each morning as consciousness means that once again I am aware of the pain.

Richie got it soothed pretty quickly with some THC and then he got his morning coffee and drank it here in the bedroom playing with the dogs and chatting to me.

It has been very pleasant indeed, half way through he did the leg exercises and leg massage, after which he leaned and applied cream or a very nasty little yeast infection in a fold at the top of my left leg.

Happens because I am in bed so do not get good ventilation around my body; sweaty weather makes me damp and that collects in little folds in the skin.

You get more of these when you are in bed for awhile so it is good to be very aware of nasty yeast infections.

Think we did not notice it on time, I because I did not feel anything and Richie could not see it in the shower chair.

So from now on Richie will check the top o my left leg on a daily basis even after the infection has gone.

For now the treatment stings like crazy but have to endure as that is the only way to lose it quickly.

This hurt like hell last night when he applied the cream, felt like he had dripped acid onto my skin and I screeched appropriately.

Was really dreading him applying the cream today and knew it would happen after the leg exercises and was dreading it.

As it turned out it was not as bad as I had expected and yet in some ways it was also even worse.

Really so very glad that I never felt all these months of having the pressure wound treated and dressed, this happened twice a day for the first months.

Hated the routine but there was no way around it as it had to happen otherwise the wound would not heal.

Really was not prepared for how painful that was last night so much so that I nearly burst into tears.

Yesterday was a very emotional day and not surprising after pooping in the bed, incontinence is something we all dread.

Bowel movements are so fundamental and so personal and for it to not work as it always did is very disconcerting indeed.

And that is putting it very mildly indeed.

Have learned over the past 2 years that all the things that were personal are no longer personal as there is nothing that I can do on my own.

Richie helps me with everything even with my bowel movements, the lack of personal space and autonomy was really shocking at the beginning, not that I do not notice it now as I do.

It is that now it does not feel like a stab in the heart anymore but still gives me an ache for when I could be independent.

Oh well things can always get worse and I guess they will but for now I have given p looking into the future.

Now, right now the sun is shining and the sky is blue and there are happy kids screeching in delight on our street.

I am going to enjoy the moment.