Difficult To Wait Calmly & Patiently.

Caspar David Friedrich.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caspar_David_Friedrich

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Caspar_David_Friedrich

Today has been a rather cold and sunny day, had a good physiotherapy session with Mathilde, which is always good thing.

Woke up today, after sleeping soundly and the first thought in my mind was whether my catheter was still inside me or not.

As soon as I was fully awake and could move my hands I carefully slid my left hand under my left leg.

Happy days it was still dry when I brought it back out and I could smell the rose shower gel that Richie showers me inn everyday.

What a tremendous relief that was, especially to discover that the catheter had not popped out.

Good to start the day calmly, did not fancy waking up and right away being taken to the shower by Richie with top speed.

Lovely to be able to have my legs massaged, Richie does not lift my legs anymore as that was causing the catheter to pop out.

Richie got me the table over the bed and my laptop and after taking my baclofen tablets I listened to the radio and read my mail.

A much pleasanter way of waking up, than having to be taken to the shower before I was even properly awake.

Wish that I could hurry the appointment up but will do my best to stay calm and patient, probably better than getting all worked for nothing.

Staying calm and being patient is still not my strong suit, wish it were but despite everything I still find it so very difficult to wait patiently.

                                                        

  

Tuesday October 5, 2010. Up And Downs And Sunshine.

Joan Miro.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joan_Mir%C3%B3

Had a funny day today, mostly felt ok in myself, lots of pain but cheerful, the day started off with my hands hurting and my fingernails sticking into the palms of my hands.

This was helped by Richie rubbing my hands and massaging my upper arms and of course by my doing my daily 30 minutes of arm exercises.

Afterwards I sat up, had my calcium/vitamin B and took my baclofen tablets and drank some lemon & ginger tea.

The day was improved by the weather being pretty nice, no rain and intermittent sunshine which was very good for my mood.

Sadly did not get up as early as I intended to and missed out on going out in this afternoon, not going to spend any time at all reproaching myself.

Instead I shall move on and focus on this evening and thoughts of tomorrow where I will ask Richie to get me up early, so he can get me ready in time to make the most of the day.

Think that getting out tomorrow will be good for me, feel that sometimes I do not push enough to go out, think that this is because of spending so much time in bed.

I do not want to shut myself off from life but notice at times that I tend to shy away from things which I have never done before.

Think this is because of having to make the best of things; have to get out of that way of thinking as I no longer need to do that.

Life in all its beauty is out there waiting for me to rejoin it and I want to do so, do not want to settle for second best and neither will I.

Think it is ok for me to feel sorry sometimes and to let my tears flow but have to watch out that I do not get submerged in self pity.

Do not think I will as I am too aware of the pitfalls and want to enjoy every moment of everyday and I will enjoy every moment.

.

Rising Damp.

Cornish Art.

We were unintentionally up real late last night, before we knew it was 2.30 in the am.

I was wide awake having watched a film of the TV series Rising Damp, it was very funny, had a good laugh which was nice.

Very nice to see the cast again, Leonard Rossiter was excellent as Mr. Rigsby.

Trouble was that I was too awake and still too lively to go to sleep easily.

As it was nearly3 am by the time Richie had got me my last baclofen tablets, I took a Lormetazpam.

It did the trick and I seemed to go to sleep quite quickly, the dogs stayed in the bedroom last night and because I took the pill Spike shaking himself did not disturb me for once.

He seems to have to get up many times during the night and shake himself which makes his ears flap.

They sound like pistols shots going off and once I am woken up, I find it near impossible to get back off to sleep again.

Thanks to the Loremetazpam I heard nothing and slept until 12 noon, which was wonderful, woke up then because Spike shook himself and his ears were even louder than normal.

Thanks Spike and a good morning to you too.

Another nasty grey and wet and blowy day seems like we have been getting all the rain these last 10 days.

It is disappointing that the weather is so shitty right now, that I have made no attempt to go out, hope that I do not end up too worried to go out.

Don’t think that will happen and I also know that Richie will encourage me to go out.

At the moment there is no problem as the weather is really not nice enough for me to go out.

On the other hand I need to just do it sometime soon, and for me it will need to be sooner rather than later.

I won’t say when I think that it will happen, but it will happen soon before I build up a phobia about going out.

Despite the dreary looking weather I am going to enjoy this day.

Rock Pools.


It is a cold grey rainy day today; we even had the heating on for ten minutes to take the chill of the room.

Quite a change in the weather now which does not preclude it getting warmer before the end of the month.

Slept well last night until about 7 am when a spasm woke me at the same time as noise outside.

Richie had THC there real quick and I inhaled and not long after fell asleep again and slept until 10.30 when Richie did the leg exercises and massage.

Always good to do as I feel so much better after Richie has finished doing it, some days there is a lot of tension in my legs.

Today there was quite a lot, notice that I am not looking outside so much today, and Marleen, our brown and white Jack Russell is not keen at all.

After a cuddle and game with Richie she preferred to curl up well away from her usual place by the window.

She seems to dislike rain and won’t look out of the window on a rainy day; she has her likes and dislikes.

Notice that this weather is not easy for me, again this is because it is quite a change, and my muscles are aching.

Guess that the answer is I will do extra arm exercises later on this afternoon and see if that has any effect.

Marianne will be here soon for our Tuesday visit, what a change from last week when it was very warm, even had the fan on.

Marianne had a tiny tee shirt on, think that this week she will have a long sleeved top on and a jacket.

Summer is now definitely over; it has been a brilliant summer, the best in years here in The Netherlands.

Summer is starting in Australia and New Zealand right now; hope I can stop myself feeling slightly hard done by that we do not have summer too.

Maybe I will finally accept the reality of different seasons, think this is still difficult for me, in Trinidad we have two seasons, the dry season and the wet season.

Ok despite the dreary looking weather I am going to enjoy this day.

Hope you do too.

Enjoying the sunshine and happy noises of little children playing outside.

Costume Jewelery.

Here it is the end of the afternoon, abit late taking my baclofen tablets but no worries as I took the first lot quite abit later this morning.

My darling is not feeling too well today, which is horrible for him, hope he feels better soon.

Despite feeling ill he will do and has already done so much for me today and in awhile he will hoist me ou of bed and shower me.

Never thought before I was handicapped that taking a shower would be so complicated and take so long.

It takes about two hours to hoist me using the electric hoist, takes 15 to 20 minutes and another 5 to 10 to get me organised and sitting well in the shower chair.

So by the time we get to the bathroom it is often 30 minutes later, because my body tempeature fluctuates widely, it is not a good idea to take off all the clothes at once.

Richie carefully removes my trousers so I can be positioned over the toilet, to have a bowel movement, afterwards Richie wraps up my legs and removes my top and wheels me to the shower area.

He carefully showers my torso and pays special attention to all the liitle folds and creases as there could be yeast infections.

If there are Richie applies the cream after I am dry, but first he gets the warmed up towels and carefully dries me and applies almond oil and anti yeast infection vcream if needed and dresses me in a new top.

Then Richie showers my bottom and legs and dries them carefully, he applies the ting dressing to the nearly healed wound and slips on a clean pair of loose pannts.

Afterwards he wheels me to the motomed and straps my feet and legs in to the machine and I start the machine which moves my legs, I do this for 30 minutes.

This together with my 30 minutes arm exercises evry morning plus the leg exercises and massages and twsice a week 30 minutes with the physical therapist is my weekly exercise routine.

Think that this has helped me quite abit, it certainly has given me good arm muscles.

Going to post this once I have found some pictures,I am enjoying the sunshine and happy noises of little children playing outside.

Have a good Saturday.

Really hope that on June 10 when Ton, the nurse from the RCA is here with Doctor Stolwijk that they will have some good news for us.

Starting to get very concerned about the strange posture that my body has adopted.

Really hoping that despite this I will be able to go outside as I am getting quite fed up with spending so much time in one room.

It is abit like being locked up, luckily for me I am not in solitary confinement not with my darling Richie here with me and visits from friends.

Nevertheless this would not have happened if Arca ( advisors to Amsterdam City Council)had actually listened to me when I told them time and again that I could not sit properly in the power chair.

This is now in the past and I actually do not want to talk about it, apart from to make a point to the relevant people that their penny pinching has been very expensive for me.

I have lost 9 months of my life that I will never regain.

Additionally being confined to bed has exacerbated my condition and given me some new problems as my body has become even more sensitive because of the prolonged lying in bed.

The muscles in my back are incredibly weak and of course make it more difficult for me to sit well.

My posture can best be described as sitting like a crooked banana, my hips go one way and the top of my body the other.

With abit of a corkscrew effect round the waist, this tips me slightly to the right and my left side tries to keep the balance which results in a strained left shoulder.

All of this has given me a lot of extra pain and discomfort; really hope that this year Richie and I with the support of a good friend will do our best to get a well adjusted power chair so that I can go out.

Really want to go out and enjoy being outside feeling the air and hopefully this can happen before not too long.

Would love to enjoy the summer and see something of this lovely city, shall do my best to remain positive and optimistic.

Not easy to do but will do my best to remain optimistic although at times that is difficult to do.

Shall stay as optimistic as possible first take the baclofen and drink sufficient water and get on with the day.