Enjoying The Moment.

 
 The Swing.
Jean-Honoré Fragonard

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean-Honor%C3%A9_Fragonard

Today has been a classic dark cold January Monday; I am always surprised, every year that Christmas is always over so soon.

I do like those December days, when everything seems to slow down, and this Christmas gave me something else to think of which I really needed.

It meant that I did not keep thinking about Spike not being here anymore or focus too much about how my MS is progressing and what will happen next.

Difficult not to do so, really extremely difficult, I manage mostly not to dwell on what will happen next, but it is hard not to do so.

During the afternoon, today my fingers were dreadful, it was difficult to type, could not control my fingers at all, which was very frustrating and upsetting.

Funny how as my MS progresses and my handicap gets worse, I am not as upset as I was in 2007, by that I don’t mean I am calm and cool about it because I am neither.

I have never been cool in my life, though I am sure that on occasions I have kept calm, that is because to do anything else would have been more upsetting for me.

I have discovered that I already need new glasses; got these last April which is worrying as it is only nine months but at least I can do something about that and I will.

It is funny how precious life is to me these days, now that I can do so very little, how despite all that, I hope that I can have some more time, another year or two or even three  would be great..

Amazing as when I stopped being able to walk and my MS started to progress so quickly I could not imagine what life could be Iike being so handicapped and so dependant.

Well that life is right here and now and despite the pain, discomfort I am still engaged with life and enjoying the moment and loving being here with my darling Richie.

Enjoying All The Moments.

 

Aleksander Gikerymiski.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aleksander_Gierymski

Slept quite quickly and soundly until early this morning when I woke up very suddenly feeling hot, like my entire body was on fire.

An unpleasant sensation which I thought at first might be the catheter coming out or changing position, until I realised the feeling was moving around my body.

Did not feel that there had been or there was any catheter movement at all so decided it was ‘just’ the MS.

Putting my arms outside the duvet soon stopped me feeling so hot, luckily that happened pretty fast and I cooled down enough for me to wrestle my arms quickly  back under the duvet.

It did not stop the feeling of flames flickering over my body, but I just decided to ignore this especially as there was nothing I can do about it.  

Lay here thinking about tomorrow and my first hospital appointment, felt myself getting all worked up and upset.

Stopped that at once, said to myself that there was no point in getting upset as it was going to happen whatever I did.

Getting worked up would only upset me and make things difficult, when what I need to do is make things easier.

Deciding to stop being upset was very good, typical of me, always do this get upset and worried until right before the moment itself when I just accept reality and get on with it.                                  

No point fighting something that I need now in order to make my life less stressful, life is too short to waste it.

Not when I want to be here and now, enjoying all the moments that I can and I will.