Hindsight Is A Great Thing.

Miguel Cubiles.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miguel_Cubiles

I recently discovered that the passing of time no longer worries me, the days of the week flash by me in bed or wheelchair.

Time passes, the days they go by extremely quick, weeks zoom past, it used to concern me, not now.

Now I that I do not need to do anything but enjoy my life, it may not be as full a life as I once had before MS incapacitated me, but it’s mine.

Somehow having this horrible disease means that life is now more precious to me than ever before.

I spent too much time worrying about what was going to happen next, I can see now that spending so much time worrying about the future was a waste of my time.

Much better to have enjoyed the moments, because they never come back, everyday is  unique, it will never be repeated.

I think it would have been better not to get so caught up in worrying about what was to come, that daily life got forgotten.

Hindsight is a great thing, if I knew then what I know now I would do everything differently, I would have enjoyed every moment I could.

Some good things have come out of this time, such as a determination not to reproach myself and to enjoy the here and now.

             

Enjoying All The Moments.

 

Aleksander Gikerymiski.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aleksander_Gierymski

Slept quite quickly and soundly until early this morning when I woke up very suddenly feeling hot, like my entire body was on fire.

An unpleasant sensation which I thought at first might be the catheter coming out or changing position, until I realised the feeling was moving around my body.

Did not feel that there had been or there was any catheter movement at all so decided it was ‘just’ the MS.

Putting my arms outside the duvet soon stopped me feeling so hot, luckily that happened pretty fast and I cooled down enough for me to wrestle my arms quickly  back under the duvet.

It did not stop the feeling of flames flickering over my body, but I just decided to ignore this especially as there was nothing I can do about it.  

Lay here thinking about tomorrow and my first hospital appointment, felt myself getting all worked up and upset.

Stopped that at once, said to myself that there was no point in getting upset as it was going to happen whatever I did.

Getting worked up would only upset me and make things difficult, when what I need to do is make things easier.

Deciding to stop being upset was very good, typical of me, always do this get upset and worried until right before the moment itself when I just accept reality and get on with it.                                  

No point fighting something that I need now in order to make my life less stressful, life is too short to waste it.

Not when I want to be here and now, enjoying all the moments that I can and I will.  

Enjoying My Life Here And Now With My Darling Richie.

Giorgio De Chirico


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Giorgio_de_Chirico


Yesterday was upsetting for me as the heat affected my MS badly and totally stopped my index finger from functioning, it took me hours to write my post and then find pictures and upload them.

Blogger also seemed affected by the heat yesterday when I could not upload some of the pictures nor save my post.

Everything took ages, every click with my index finger felt like it took forever, so glad that despite it being so frustrating I did not lose my calm.

It was truly awful felt so cut off from everything and everybody as all I could do was sit here and look at my desktop but could do nothing else.

Luckily I got the radio clicked on and at least could listen to the program while I tried to do something like read the newspapers which I had to abandon quite quickly as I kept closing the page

Was an unpleasant experience hope that I can use my index finger for as long as possible, dread when it finally packs up totally.

Hate the thought of not being able to communicate with my lovely friends or write my daily posts and feel part of life.

Guess that at some point it will be over and I will not be able to do what I do now, had a taste of it yesterday, was surprised that I did not go to pieces.

Could see that there was no point in getting myself all upset about something that I can not change.

Yesterday showed me that even when I was very upset I still was looking to work around it and enjoy what I could.

I guess that is the best and only way for me to cope with this dreadful situation is make the best of everything.

This keeps me going and keeps me optimistic and enjoying my life here and now with my darling Richie.

Be Here and Now and Be Positive.

Psychedelic Mushrooms


Yesterday I finally sat for 30 minutes and did my leg exercises with the Motomed, it went very well.

Was quite tired afterwards and happy to be back in bed, we ate our dinner and relaxed watching TV.

Really nice and relaxed and ready to sleep when we discovered the bed would not go down flat so I could go to sleep.

Richie pressed the green button on the plug nothing and unplugged the plug, did both lots of times but nothing happened.

Started to feel very uncomfortable as the position was causing too much pressure on the back of my neck.

I was just saying we either call the emergency telephone number of the company the bed is from or I take a sleeping tablet.

At that moment the bed went down thanks to Richie not giving up and pressing the hand set for over ten minutes.

One more bag of thc and I went to sleep, the dogs managed to stay in the bedroom so we got woken up three times by Spike shaking himself, his ears sound like pistol; shots.

Luckily got back to sleep each time which was brilliant, think that was because I had finally sat in the chair.

Friday I had been too tired and Saturday we forgot and Sunday I did not want too do it, claimed it was too late.

So yesterday almost did not want to again but Richie persuaded me it was good if I did sit and it was good.

Even more aware that I will have to take it very slow and easy and take my time building up how long I can sit.

Now I have done it I feel confident and will sit everyday, feels good also deciding to go at my own pace with no deadlines to worry me.

Not having sat until yesterday had upset me quite abit, realised that this morning after a good night sleep, that it had stopped me from sleeping.

Thursday night I had no problem sleeping but did have a problem Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Have to remember that this happens and make sure to make my good intentions reality before I start to critize myself and give my self confidence a knock.

Need to build myself up and not take myself down, really be here and now and be positive and then I can and will enjoy my life.

Meaning of life?

The meaning of life is to enjoy it, that's it nothing more and nothing less.

It's easier than you think you have to always remind yourself that there is always more than one perspective, view of any moment.

When you are down it's very difficult to see the beauty that is all around us as it is to be positive.

But it is very important even imperative to be positive

In order to refind the positive try to look at things from various perspectives.

It's quite mechanical at first but it will be until the depression lifts and you can be positive again.

When you start to express yourself fully again and then you can once again see the beauty around you and within yourself.