A Winter Wonderland.

 
The Liver.

Arshile Gorky.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arshile_Gorky

We are living in a winter wonderland, in a frozen snow world; everything is slowed down as no one can move fast on the icy surfaces.

Observed several people trying to cycle up the road, it looked scary, wonder how many cyclists have been to Accident & Emergency over the weekend.

Richie has kept me amused with stories of Marleen’s fun outside, she likes the snow, and she runs around at top speed and even delights in rolling in it.

Noticing again today how quiet Marleen is without Spike, we are doing our best to play with her and give her plenty of attention.

Which works to a certain extent but not totally as we are not dogs, she is so obviously missing the interaction with Spike.

Even eating is not so much fun for Marleen right now; she no longer barks excitedly when Richie puts food in her bowl and puts it down for her.

She did play with some toys for awhile just now, showing us what a lovely dog she is, which was good to see.

Hope we find another dog needing a fresh start,, just as Spike needed one in 2002 which we gave him.

Just like we gave Marlee;, when she came to us in 2005, twice as heavy as she should be and severely depressed.

She needed a new home because of a new baby with asthma at her old home, plus she was not getting any exercises.

She came to us with a mega bottle of shampoo, several grooming implements suitable for horses not dogs, and not a single toy.

We introduced her to toys, how to play, gave her a good diet and plenty of exercise which soon helped her to blossom

Be good to give that to another dog.

      

  

Sunday, 19, December, 2010. An Artic Sunday.

View of Toledo, Spain.

El Greco.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/El_Greco

The weather has been awful since the downpour of sleet on Thursday afternoon, when it did not turn to snow; we thought we had made a lucky escape.

Sadly we didn’t as we woke to thick snow on Friday morning, and we did not know that there was even more still to come nor how much.

There was an incredible heavy snowstorm on Friday and worse of all the snow became very icy by around 16.00 in the afternoon.

On Saturday there was even more snow and conditions became extremely cold, Richie was taking even longer putting on all his layers.

Saturday we both missed Spike and cried a lot, I may start again at any minute it comes and goes just like with any bereavement.

Richie told methat weak as Spike was he seemed to enjoy going off  with him on the bike, sticking his head out of the bike bags and sniffing the air as he went off on his last adventure.

Poor Marleen is very down without her pack mate, she has been looking for him inside and outside, especially whenever Richie came back on the bike.

We are going to research this well and find her a new friend verey soon before she becomes really depressed.

This morning we were both still wiped out by being up so late Friday to Saturday, we did not get to sleep until 05.00 in the morning.

Richie took Marleen for a long walk in the park then returned and got me showered and put back in bed.

After which he set about getting ready for our party, Eva came around at 15.00 to help and to bring her contribution delicious bread from the great Moroccan baker near us.

By mid afternoon it became clear that sadly our party would not be able to go ahead.

The majority of people would not be able to get here due to all the ice and snow so we cancelled it and hope to do it in mid January.

Something, to look forward to in  cold, dark January.

Goodbye To Our Lovely Spike..

S

Spike.

This evening Spike still wanted some of my cashew nuts, and gave me looks until he got some too, I am going to miss sharing little treats like that with our lovely dog.

Later on it became obvious that Spike had reached the end; at first he howled and barked in pure frustration and rage that he could no longer move.

This went on on and off, for a couple of hours until Richie took the dogs to the dog toilet and when they returned Spike was extremely quiet.

As if he had used up his last energy at the dog toilet and after that there was nothing left, really nothing.

For the first time ever, he did not want to eat his chew when they got back, nor did he want anything else either.

He was suddenly very quiet, tiny and very withdrawn and obviously in alot of pain, have never seen him so still. 

It is 01.00 in the morning, Richie has just taken Spike off to the Emergency Clinic for Animals to have him put to sleep and put an end to his pain.

We got an appointment for a quarter to two this morning, Richie phoned me to say he had arrived safely at the clinic; it took him about 40 minutes to get there in the snow.

It had became very obvious tonight that Spike was totally finished, it was really heart breaking seeing him go off with Richie, obviously in so much pain as he was so totally still.

Before they went Richie brought Spike into the bedroom to let me stroke him for one last time and to see him look at me for one last time with his sweet eyes.

Heartbreaking to think that Richie will soon be back without Spike, poor Marleen was quite distraught after they left.

 Running around barking hoarsely before standing up on her hind legs to look at me and then sat quietly near my bed while we waited for my darling Richie to return.  

Richie just phoned to say that Spike had died being cuddled in his  arms 5 minutes ago, it is now  2.35 and Richie is  on his way home.

Masses Of Snow.

 
Airplane Synchromy in Yellow-Orange.

Airplane Synchromy in Yellow-Orange.

Stanton  MacDonald Wright.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stanton_MacDonald-Wright

Woke up to masses of snow today, must have been falling all night as Richie says it is quite deep, up to mid calf height.

Much thicker than in many years here, Richie was planning to go to three shops today to get all our shopping, also for the party on Sunday..

To the Oriental supermarket in the Nieuwmarkt, the good Moroccan shop in the Bos and Lommer neighbourhood and the Oasis the whole food shop near us.

What a surprise that there is snow and so very much of it too, incredible how much there is and it looks like it will be here for a long time.

My first winter here in Amsterdam in 1981, there was snow from November until early march and it was incredibly cold too.

Find myself wishing it will vanish overnight as it normally does but think this time the snow will be here for ages.

Wonder if everyone can get here on Sunday or our party, those coming by bus and train may not be able to get here.

Hope Richie takes the dogs to the park sometime today, a warmly wrapped up Spike could have great fun barking as Marleen goes mad running around in the snow.

Despite being terminally sick Spike is still very bright and really interested in everything aroung him, he has been responding to every dog he sees or hears on the street.

Glad he can be so bright and have such fun when he is so ill, but somehow I am not too surprised as he always makes so much fun and can turn any situation into a game.

Guess we are quite similar, both enjoying everything we can in our own way, I am sure I shall cry again about Spike, but for now I am smiling as I hear him barking in the front room.

That’s my Spike.





,

A Cold Gloomy December Thursday.

Madam Matisse.    

Henri Matisse.
 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fauvism

A very dark gloomy December day today, poured with rain all morning and afternoon, it was a sad sight seeing the person doing the post getting very wet.

Mathilde arrived luckily dry because she has good rain gear not like the wet postie who seemed to be drenched.

After our physiotherapy session Mathilde went off to her next appointment and then the rain turned to a huge snow storm, happily nothing stayed on the ground.

Well things are moving along nicely for the party on Sunday, everyone who is coming will bring some food.

Glad we are doing this; mind you I have had several moments of misgivings and almost panicked wondering whether it was the right thing to do.

I think this has a lot to do with Spike being so ill now; we did talk about not wanting anyone here on the one hand and on the other really needing our friends here for their support.

So glad we have not cancelled, the party, really feel that it is so important to make as many social events happens as possible.

Despite any worries we may be both having right now and until Sunday, I know we will both enjoy the party very much.

Remember how good we both felt after the party in September, we were very happy, really energised by having friends here to share food and fun with.

Getting quite excited now about Sunday now

That's Life.

Wilhelm_Oswald_Gustav_Achenbach,_Abendstimmung_in_der_Campagna.
Social Realism.

Today it has become obvious that we need to be brave about Spike, he can’t do much anymore, he can only move with huge difficulty.

He still tries his best to move around the apartment and somehow through getting up and tottering for a few steps then collapsing and doing this again and again he gets around.

We have both been crying loads today, hating the thought of saying goodbye very much to our little dog, but it is obvious that it is now a case of when not if.

Richie put Spike on my bed this afternoon, first time in ages, because he has not been able to spend much time on our beds recently preferring the cooler floor.

So this afternoon was special, he licked my hands very delicately and most thoroughly which was so incredibly touching.

Difficult to keep dry eyed when writing about Spike, he is near me in the front room lying stretched out on the floor.

Such a lovely dog, I just ate a cashew nu and instantly his head was off the floor and he was looking at me and wanting a cashew nut too.

What a dog, fading away, losing strength yet still aware, part of it all and demanding his share of whatever is going.

That’s our lovely dog Spike.

A Christmas Surprise.

 

 Eugene Boudin.
http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eug%C3%A8ne_Boudin

Had a huge disappointment this week, I bought something for Richie on EBay and had it sent to a friend’s address.

It was the only way to make sure it was a surprise for Richie at Christmas, as he opens all the post, since I can’t do that anymore.

The plan was for Marianne to wrap it and bring it around wrapped and then put it under our Christmas tree ready to surprise my darling Richie.

So it got sent to Marianne’s house, problem was I had it sent to Richie’s name and turns out that when it arrived it was turned away.

Marianne’s neighbours told the post person that there was no-one by the name of Maguire who living there.

The post person took it away again and when Marianne called TNT, they told her it had been sent back already.

What a massive disappointment for me, especially after tracking down a band that Richie has talked about since I met him in 1989.

Still hopeful that it will be back in the UK by now and the company can resend, this time to our address.

 Who knows the package could still arrive in time for Christmas; really hope so very much, really want to surprise Richie this Christmas.

Monday, 13, December 2010. Today Has Been A Strangely Pleasant.Day.

A Dog Named Picasso.

  

 Today has been a strangely pleasant day despite the weather being very dull today, had the light on as soon as Richie opened the curtains this morning.

Spike is so obviously weaker but amazingly he is still interested in everything around him, Marleen and he were very sweet together.

This morning they lay quite close to each other, mirroring how each other were lying, a lovely picture seeing them so peaceful and happy together.

In the afternoon Richie took Marleen and Spike to the park, Spike only walked a short distance before making it very clear he could do no more.

Instead he stood in his wheelchair having a wonderful time barking and watching Marleen running to catch sticks Richie threw for her.

It has always been a favourite game of Spike’s watching Marleen playing tug or chasing the ball while he refereed the action.

Even though he could not do much, Richie says it was very obvious he was enjoying himself enormously.

The dogs returned happy from the park and devoured their dinners and both slept for a couple of hours.

This evening has been pleasant, sitting relaxing together in the front room with our two lovely dogs.

Really enjoying this time together with our lovely Spike, very aware this special time will be over too soon.

Sunday, 12, December, 2010. Enjoy Yourself While You Can And I Will and I Do.

Cubist.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cubism

The weather started off with well blue skies and sunshine then became cloudy and grey and dark, and then back to blue sky and sunshine whenever the clouds moved away again.

So it was both grey and cloudy at times, as well as beautiful blue skies and sunshine, funny mixed up December weather.

The weather seemed to aptly mirror, how I was feeling, which was quite good most of the day and but not so at times in the late afternoon and early evening.

In the late afternoon, my arms were becoming very stiff and were difficult to stretch out to reach the keyboard; I had to keep asking Richie to massage my upper arms.

Then stretch them out, every time he did that, I could manage for a short time to touch the keyboard and type a few words.

Then the struggle would be on to hit the right keys, invariably I would drag my fingers over the wrong keys and have an incredible struggle to correct the colourful typing errors.

I am determined to type for as long as possible, now hours later my hands and arms are once again functioning well.

What a relief, wonder if worrying made me so tense this afternoon, so much so that my hands and arms got stiff and extremely difficult to use.

I think it may have contributed, but it was not the cause; I think that the real cause is the progression of my MS.

Mind you worrying about Spike did make me cry quite a lot this afternoon; he is getting much weaker so walking is quite a struggle for him, as he loses control over his back legs.

I noticed this yesterday too that his right leg almost collapses to the ground as he walks yet it does not stop him, he still stumbles around the apartment.

He came in to the bedroom a few times, when I was still in bed and had a wonderful time chewing his large chew, even defending it from Marleen in a very butch way.

Richie and I talked about Spike and how we will handle things, today it was very clear Spike won’t be here for long but while he is here he will enjoy himself as much as possible.

Think that sums it up nicely, enjoy yourself while you can and I will and I do.

  

Re-Homing Is Very Rewarding.

Richie, Daisy and Spike in 2003.

Richie just came back from going round the block with the dogs, Spike started off hating his wheelchair, as he always does every time he uses it.

Think he soon noticed how useful it was, as he can move around better and can get to explore all the dog scents he wants to sniff.

He also got considerable attention from people on the street, which Richie said he milked for all its worth.

Richie says it was a sweet sight, seeing Spike wagging his tail as people oh’ed and ah’ed over him in the wheelchair.

They returned and Spike was still in the wheelchair and not protesting about it, glad even Spike can understand that the wheelchair is useful.

Thinking about Spike brought tears to my eye, more tears followed when I read Janis’s post about her dog Bruno, and she also mentions Spike.

http://justbreathejanis.blogspot.com/.

Janis’s story about Bruno is moving, what a lovely dog he was, and what a treat to have a dog like that in your life.

Having Spike in our lives since 2002 has been wonderful, he was a handful when we first   brought him home but very rewarding for us all.

It was hard work convincing Spike that he was not the boss; that he was a pack member, as soon as he understood this, he was a happy dog.

Re-homing dogs is a good thing to do, better than buying and encouraging puppy farms.

Re-homing Spike and Marleen has been very good and incredibly rewarding for Richie and I as well as Spike and Marleen who have both blossomed with us.

      

A Cold Grey Day Today. .

 

 
Paul Cezanne.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_C%C3%A9zanne

Last night I was quite often disturbed by Spike stumbling around, poor little fellow, I really felt for him.

A good friend came by last night at 20.00 and stayed until 22.45 chatting and catching up with us.

It was lovely, as  we had not seen Louis since he moved up north in 2008, with his parter to live on a farm.

That they have turned into a business, called Lauenshout, making furniture and restoring furniture and wooden buildings.

http://www.laurenshout.nl/

It was good to see him, Spike seemed to think so too, as he brought his kong over right away, he can’t run for it but he can hobble rapidly and he can catch well.

He is quite some dog, still following Richie around everywhere which is very sweet until Richie takes a step back and treads on Spike or very nearly falls over him.

Our two terriers are great at always being in the wrong place at all times, one of their favourite place is between my wheelchair wheels.

Richie and I think Spike is fading fast and will not be here with us for very much longer, he has had a good week since he has been getting the extra food.

But it is very clear that Spike will not be alive for too much longer, Richie wants to take him to a couple of his favourite parks today and over the weekend.

Love Spike to be around for much longer, he is such a wonderful character, he really is.

I thought it was lovely how he recognised Louis after two years and wanted to play right away.

Very cold day today, a cold grey misty day a complete contrast to yesterdays blue skies and sunshine.

THC Helps Me 6 Days A Week.

Untitled 1950.

Hans  Burkhardt.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hans_Burkhardt

It is getting colder here today, the sky is a beautiful bright blue and the sun is shining brightly, must be extremely cold outside.

Richie looks well wrapped up against the freezing cold; this is for sure long john weather for everyone.

We were up too late last night so at 02.00 so I took a sleeping tablet as my time to sleep had long passed.

The pill, lormetazepam helps me to fall asleep gently, and now there are no unpleasant after effects like with the temazepam that made me feel bad the morning after.

The dosage of the Lormetazepam is 2 mg and the Temazepam was 10 mg which had to be increased a couple of times during the time I used it.

That was a year from April 2007 until August 2008 when I wanted my doctor to increase the dosage, from 20 mg to 30 mg

I needed the increase but my doctor did not want to, she was concerned that I was becoming addicted to the sleep pill, glad she told me and glad I stopped nightly using Temazepam immediately after our telephone conversation.

Since a few moths I have started to use Lormetazepam once a week on a Saturday after late night football, Match of the Day on BBC2.

The rest of the week I eat a weed chocolate not too long before cleaning my teeth, before Richie turns the light out.

This setup suits me well, no point in lying awake all nigh if we don’t sleep until 02.00, the rest of the week the weed chocolate works very well.

So now THC helps me sleep well for 6 nights and a 2 mg sleeping tablet helps me on Saturdays when we stay up late.

Turn Back Time.

Joseph Minton.

 

 

For someone who hates summer ending and autumn starting I do like the month of December.

Wish it did not rush by, would like the December days to pass by slowly, shame that is not possible.

Time passes the same every day and every year, mind you isn’t it just our perception and time does nothing.

I had a look online for definitions of time and found this on Wikipedia:

''Among prominent philosophers, there are two distinct viewpoints on time. 

One view is that time is part of the fundamental structure of the universe, a dimension in which events occur in sequence. 

Sir Isaac Newton subscribed to this realist view, and hence it is sometimes referred to as Newtonian time.

Time travel, in this view, becomes a possibility as other "times" persist like frames of a film strip, spread out across the time line. 

The opposing view is that time does not refer to any kind of "container" that events and objects "move through", nor to any entity that "flows", but that it is instead part of a fundamental intellectual structure (together with space and number) within which humans sequence and compare events. 

This second view, in the tradition of Gottfried Leibniz^[4] and Immanuel Kant, holds that time is neither an event nor a thing, and thus is not itself measurable nor can it be travelled.

Ray Cummings, an early writer of science fiction, wrote in 1922, "Time… is what keeps everything from happening at once",

Wikipedia also says:

''Time keeping is so critical to the functioning of modern societies that it is coordinated at an international level.''

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Time

It is interesting to see that at some point humans decided that time had to be measured and decided how and when to do this.

Seems to me that our perceptions are very important in deciding many things, time and our lives are all part of our perception.

Since I have become so disabled due to the progression of my Primary Progressive MS I have become very interested in perception.

Realise more and more that how I perceive the world around me has a huge effect on my life.

If I am positive then everything is positive, but if I am negative then everything is negative and I  can not see good in anything.

Time is something else that is affected b y my perception of time flying by and time creeping by.

Now that I am older and have experienced many things, time seems to have speeded up but I know that is because many events are known to me now.

So my knowledge is more extensive and therefore time now seems to go by much faster than when I was 5 years old.

My perceptions are important for how I am, how I feel about life the universe and everything.

I choose to have a positive perception and life feels better for it. 

A Bright Cold Day Today.

Le Pont de Europe.

Gustave Cailleboutte.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gustave_Caillebotte

Yesterday had a good session with my lovely physiotherapist Mathilde; she massaged my arms and shoulders before we started to do arm exercises.

Massaging my arms and shoulders helps me to stretch my arms, makes doing the exercises much easier, which is good for me.

After Mathilde left we had a late lunch and then I wrote my post, was funny to notice how foggy it was

Today the weather is clear and bright, with a pale blue sky and sunshine; perhaps it is colder than yesterday.

Have to wait until Richie takes the dogs out to get a report about the temperature outside today.

Last night Richie took Spike and Marleen for a late night walk in the park, the dogs were very happy, as they obviously thought they were not getting a walk anymore yesterday.

Spike had a great time in the park charging around and thoroughly enjoying himself, Richie said it was a fine sight.

The extra calorific food has had quite a dramatic effect; Spike looks much better, he does not look pathetically skinny as he did last week.

He has more energy which is very lovely to see, and good to know that something as simple as the right extra food, with extra calories gives him such a boost.

Had helping Spike enjoy his life, while he is still here, we are both very aware that Spike’s condition can change quite dramatically.

For this moment, we are enjoying our lovely Spike and not even considering what the future will hold.

Today is sunny and bright which I am enjoying tremendously, I feel good despite all my pain and discomfort.

Living in the moment is a good idea, it takes some getting used to, but I think that I am getting the hang of it now.

Like A Charles Dicken's Novel.

Fighting Forms.

Franz Marc,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Franz_Marc

All the snow started to melt yesterday and today apart from a few scraps it is all gone, which is good.

I am glad as it was not nice for Spike, too cold for him, now the grass no longer has the thick layer of snow; the snow was well over Richie’s ankles.

Today now the snow has gone Spike could walk back up the road from the dog toilet, which is great to hear.

The extra food is working well; it has given Spike extra energy he lacked without the tins of food with extra calories which the vet recommended we give him.

He is also looking better with eating more, before we gave him the tins his normal dinner was not enough as the cancer was taking all the nutrients.

Good the additional food helps Spike so much that he can enjoy himself, love to see him so engaged with what is happening around him.

Seeing him being so much our lovely Spike gives me a huge boost, he does not k now what is happening, he just gets on with it.

And like all animals enjoys the moment he is in, Spike is very much in the here and now and inspires me to do the same.

Good to enjoy now and leave complicated and convoluted thoughts for what they are, which  is not part of the here and now.

It has become extremely foggy, the end of the street is no longer visible now, amazing how quickly the fog has become so thick.

Just two hours ago it was a grey but bright day, now it looks like weather out of The Christmas Carol, a Charles Dickens novel.

One of my favourites, the BBC will have it this Christmas on the tv, so looking forward to seeing it then.

Determined To Seize And Enjoy The Moment.

 
Francis Picabia.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Francis_Picabia

Finding it very difficult to not cry when thinking about Spike, it has made me realise how grief can make it so that the truth of a situation can be ignored.

Always wondered how that could work, when the facts were known, well yesterday finally I understood how that works.

While Richie was out with Spike and Marleen, I was answering mail and reading comments about our beautiful Jack Russell,  Spike and thinking about my wee champion.

Suddenly started crying and saying very loudly that I did not believe he was dying, that I would ignore the truth, the facts, that our boy Spike, would not die, not our Spike not now.

 Of course could not maintain the self deception for long, knew that it was my desire to have Spike be alive and here with us for another three years and that sadly the reality was going to be different.

Shocked Spike won’t be here snuggling up to Richie when I am dead, that is what I thought would happen.

Thought Richie would have Spike and Marleen to help him, keep him going out and distracted by demanding food, games and affection.

Never once had I imagined that Spike would be ill and it could not be cured by medicine or an operation.

Such a scenario was quite unthinkable, not our super fit little Jack Russell, our athlete is what our vet always called him.

This certainly gives even more meaning to seize the moment and enjoy the here and now.

It has made me more determined to enjoy every moment that I can enjoy, which is what I am going to do and never forget to do ever again.

Our Lovely Spike.

More snow in the night and extremely cold, so cold that the window had to be shut quickly in he early mornng, as we were frozen.

A lot more snow today, there was a snowstorm for 30 minutes which left another thick layer outside.

This happened just when Richie had taken the clogs down to the clog toilet; Marleen had great fun in the snow.

Richie is just off out with the dogs now so they can have abit of fun in the snow today; it is as dark already asif it were early morning not late afternoon.

Spike has been wandering around looking sweetly at me, can’t believe my little darling will be dead soon.

Weird concept death, he will be dead but all the memories will always be here with us, with Richie and me.

And with all the people who met and became friends with Spike, over the 8 years since we brought him home from the dog pound.

He had no socialisation as he was dumped in a deep ditch as a young pup, too young to even leave his mum and the nest.

He was taken home by 2 lots of people who thought him too much and took him back, their loss was our gain.

And our pleasure, eight beautiful years of Spike, who has been a good loyal friend/companion and a great pack member and playmate for Marleen.

Sad News Abut Spike.

Spike.

Richie took Spike to the vet's yesterday, to get his advice.

Now we know that Spike has bone cancer, we wanted to find out what signs we need to look out for that would tell us he was starting to suffer.

When Richie got back, he told me that the vet thought Spike had only about a month left to live.

His advice was that as he was not in pain and obviously still engaged with and enjoying life and as many biscuits as possible, there was no need to do anything as yet.

But that soon as Spike would not eat and was retreating from the world and started to be in obvious pain, we would need him to be put to sleep quickly so he would not suffer unduly.

Horrible news, not a surprise but a horrible confirmation of the fact we won't have our lovely, energetic, playful and gorgeous little Spike for very much longer.

It is amazing how cheerful and playful he still is despite being sick and losing so much weight so quickly just in the last couple of weeks, it will be so hard to say goodbye to Spike.

I love him so much, we both do, and he is an amazingly lovely loving little fellow with a lot of lust for life, still cheerful and happy when he is so very sick.

I am crying as I write this which makes seeing my text very difficult indeed, just can’t believe that this is happening.

Feels so unreal, at first when Richie told me when he got home I heard and accepted the news but after sometime it became a strange totally unreal thought that our little dog would be dead so very soon.

 We will miss him so very much; it has been a tremendous privilege and pleasure to have had him living with us since 2002.

When I had to stay in bed 24/7 from August 2008 until the late autumn of 2009 and again for quite alot of this year Spike entertained me and was constantly by my bedside looking out for and keeping me laughing. 

We are going to enjoy all the moments we still have with him while we can, sadly not as many as I had hoped we would have with our beautiful Spike.

Enjoy All The Precious Moments

John Stoa.
Scottish Artist.

There is a layer of snow on everything outside this morning, seems there was a light snow fall during the night.

 We did see it start to snow late last night not too long before Richie turned the lights off; this morning woke up early as it was freezing in the bedroom.

Richie jumped up and closed the window and put another blanket n me which helped me sleep on again which was very welcome.

Woke up later crying because of the pain in my arms, they hurt a lot now, so much more than even last month.

Getting quite scared about how my MS has accelerated just recently, maybe the sp catheter operation has made the progress faster but maybe it was happening anyway.

In 2006 my fingers started tingling but they still functioned alright, could put up with the pain in the morning and the clumsiness and lack of sensation if they still function.

Hate the pain and the weird feeling of having wooden arms up to the elbows, which is a strange sensation.

I am listening to BBC Radio 5 right now, they are discussing England’s World Cup bid for 2018.

Weird for me listening and thinking that my chances of being still alive then are tiny indeed, strange to think that, really odd to think that I may very well be alive to see the 2018 World Cup.

Very aware that what I have to constantly remind myself to stay n the present in the here and now and enjoy these precious moments.

 I am not a fortune teller so better not to speculate about time and dates but difficult for me not to wonder sometimes what will happen next.

Another Good Appointment.

 
Jan Steen.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jan_Steen


This lunchtime had an appointment about a neck support so that I can sit without any stress or strain to my neck.

The appointment was with Annelies from ARCA, Harm from Welzorg, Johanneke my occupational therapist and a man, and did not catch his name, from the suppliers of the Focal neck support.

It was a good appointment, certainly after the initial bumpy start, due to me worrying about what the headrest would be like.

 As it is it is excellent, gives me good support but leaves my quite free, was worried it           would be something constrictive like a neck brace but it is not it is very good.

Great to get such a useful support, another good thing is that the neck support was left with me to try it out.

 Have to let Johanneke know at our Friday appointment if it is good for me or not, nice that I can try it out in my own time.

 Better than having to make a snap decision as usually is the case, hate those moments as itis very difficult to say within minutes whether equipment if suitable or not.

Which is normally the case, hate having to say whether something works or not after 5 minutes.

Today things were different and I am sitting here now with my new neck support which I can test drive until this Friday.

Support And Encouragement From Richie And Friends..

 

Aelbert Cuyp.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aelbert_Cuyp

Grey sky today looks like full of the promise of a lot of snow, usually snow melts very quickly here, as we are surrounded by water and close to the sea.

Usually that is, seems this year could be very different as the small snowfall from Saturday is still on the ground today.

Also heard from Sue, a friend in Devon, that Westward Ho! this is right by the sea, always mild and damp, but is all iced up now; wonder if this winter will be very cold.

Here it is November 30 nearly December, how quickly time goes by once it is October.

Have enjoyed the change of the seasons much more this year than in recent years; think this year because I am sitting which I do enjoy so much.

Also think that this year I am more aware of the passing of time and the fact that I am very lucky to still be here, very happy that I am alive despite my many problems.

Been having quite some problems with my arms, hands and fingers, hate it all and who wouldn’t but somehow it makes me more determined to carry on writing.

Intend to carry on being me whatever happens, everything is so painful and clumsy, but what's new.

So I intend to keep going with the love and support of my darling Richie and the support and encouragement of friends which I very much appreciate.

Great to get so much support and from all around the world, it really gives me such a boost.

The support and encouragement helps me tremendously, although I still experience all the pain, discomfort it helps me to know so many friends are thinking of me and wishing me well.

Very Cold Today.

A Dutch Winter.

A bright freezing cold day here today with some snow too, Richie put on many layers to take the dogs out to the dog toilet.

Me I am taking it very easy keeping my right hand active which is not easy at all, a huge struggle.

Feels like I am pushing a heavy weight up a hill, quite painful too but I am determined to use my fingers and type.

Have been listening to two favourite songs from the early 1970’s hope you enjoy too:

Keep warm everyone who is experiencing this extreme cold weather.

An Emotional Month.

Barry James,

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Barry_%28painter%29

This month has been very emotional, with Richie’s dad dying on the last Saturday in October, which was very upsetting, especially for my darling Richie.

The only positive was the fact that Tom, Richie’s dad was no longer in pain that was I think a relief for his family.

So glad he came over and spent some time with us in Amsterdam in 2000, he was a very charming and lovely man, a real gentleman.

We took him to lots of places; we ate at the Melkweg restaurant, one of the big music venues which he enjoyed tremendously, being somewhere so hip and in.

We also took him to our favourite coffee shop the Basjoe, in the Nieuwmarkt, the oldest part of town.

A lovely place run by two brothers, James and Leo, who were charmed we had brought Richie’s dad to their coffee shop and greeted him very warmly.

They organised the best spot on heir terrace for us, was pleasant sitting there with Tom, watching the boats go by on the canal and the people walking by.

Shame he could not have stayed longer than he did but it was good to meet him and spend time together.

When he left Richie was up at the bottle bank getting rid of our empty bottles and found himself wondering if his dad had enjoyed himself while he was here.

At the moment he realised he had just thrown away 6 empty Spanish bottle of bubbly and decided that his dad probably had a great time.

It is always a big shock when your parents die; mine died at the beginning of 2000, within 3 weeks of each other.

No wonder I was so happy to meet Tom, he was then 85 the same age as my dad and also very interesting to talk with.

Since Tom’s death Richie has been very worried about Spike not being able to walk and my impending operation.

What an emotional month it has been and no wonder that tears have flowed and sleeping has not been easy.

Not Easy But It Is My Best And Only Option

Spike's New Wheelchair.
 

It is getting very cold here already 2 degrees here which has not happened for many years.

Since 2000 the winters have been milder and damper, so snow falling briefly and it being this cold already in November has not happened here since 1993.

Just sent a reply to a mail I received from a lovely friend whom I met at a yoga holiday in Devon in 1973.

Can’t believe that is 37 years ago, that saying ‘time flies’ is so true, 37 years ago we met at this wonderful holiday in lovely Devon.

Very good to still be in touch with Pam, keeping in touch with friends has always been important for me.

Guess it must have something to do with leaving Trinidad like we did, where I was not told we were going for good.

I just thought seeing as we had been to Europe twice on holiday that was what was happening again, I was actually looking forward to seeing my German cousins.

But not at the expense of all my friends and big family back home in Trinidad, would have been pretty upset had I known, but would have written down friends names and addresses.

As it was I did not have an address book with all my friends’ addresses and I never heard anything from any of my many friends after we left Cascade, Port of Spain, and Trinidad in 1962.

Still wish that somehow I could find people who remembered me in Trinidad, be so good to hear from my childhood friends from Port of Spain.

It was not nice at all, suddenly having no friends was horrible, remember it well, and guess all these thoughts have been triggered by Pam’s mail and thinking of all my friends

Feeling very sensitive today, tears have been shed at the loss of all my important childhood friendships plus the loss of movement in fingers, hands and arms and my torso moving too much.

Very worried that since the supra pubic catheter operation my condition seems to have got worse.

I now need even more adjustments in bed, than I have needed, as I am constantly moving and slumping as well as my body getting very skewed, it is not easy sitting in bed anymore..

Not nice to feel my hands, fingers and arms not functioning as well as before the operation, very scary especially thinking that relatively soon those functions will cease altogether.

I am very scared, but as there is nothing that I can do to stop the progression of this incredibly unpleasant and unpredictable disease.

So I am trying my very best to keep calm and remain cheerful and positive and enjoy the moments, not easy but it is my best and only option.

Dark Days In England, Scotland And Wales

Spike's New Wheelchair.

Oudezijds Achterburgwal, Amsterdam, Het Kolkje.

George Hendrik Breitner Rotterdam, 12 September 1857 - Amsterdam, 5 June 1923.


This morning Spike’s little wheelchair arrived just as the company Hondenrolstoel.nl had promised yesterday.

Took Richie quite awhile to put it together before he could put Spike in the harness, at first Spike refused to walk just sat and looked cross.

Just looked like he seemed to think we were torturing him and he wanted nothing to do with the wheelchair.

Apparently he would not walk to the dog toilet, when he got there he was very difficult would not do anything.

He wanted help but also not, the stroppy little devil, on the way back he seemed to notice that he could get about better to sniff all the other dogs scent.

Then he tried to refuse to walk home and wanted Richie to carry him home but eventually he walked home.

Then he and Marleen had a good play together which has not happened for a long time now, it was lovely to see.

They went to the park and have just got back now, Richie says Spike had a great time in the park.

He had a very good time according to Richie and was running around exploring all the bushes and having a brilliant time.

Looks like the wheelchair is a big hit with Spike, here is hoping for plenty of good times for the plucky little dog..

  

Looking Forward To Many Good Moments To Come.

Steel Foundry, Ijmuiden.

Jan Korthals (1916 - 1972)
Amsterdams Impressionist Artist.

It was a huge relief that my eyes were ok again yesterday, it really worried me tremendously.

The only way I could vaguely see my e-mails was to enlarge everything to 18 and then could just decipher my mails.

Had planned to go out yesterday afternoon, after my 10.00 appointment was finished and we had eaten and drank cups of tea, really had wanted to try out being steered by Richie.

We did not get any further than the front room as we were both extremely exhausted after the operation the day before and the visits to the University Animal Clinic.

  

I am recovering very well from the operation; the wound is very small and healing well.

Luckily I have had no pain and am extremely glad it is all over now, what a relief that it is done now,

Was impressed yesterday that the OLVG Hospital called to see how I was doing and to check that all was going well with my recovery.

Got the extra steering on back of the wheelchair and getting a new steering shortly for me to steer when I can using both of my hands.

It was a good appointment yesterday morning, I will get the new steering to try out for a short time and if it works for me will get that installed.

If it does not work well for me then I will get other systems to try out, so feel reassured that action will be taken when it is needed.

Spike is doing much better; he is cheerful and taking part again which has cheered up Marleen, who obviously missed their interactions.

Spike is moving around better, he has started trotting around a lot more indoors and even running in the park.

His wheelchair will be here tomorrow, we are both looking forward to Spike's wheelchair coming and seeing him run again with it.

I am taking it very easy today, slept right through to 11.30 this morning, obviously needed to catch up with my sleep.

Last night I fell asleep instantly as soon as Richie had turned the light off, think that today the last traces of the anaesthetic has worn off.

Looking forward to many good moments to come.