Enjoying The Sunshine.

Roberto Matta. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roberto_Matta 

Gradually every day since Monday and Tuesday I become relaxed once again.

It took me awhile after the ordeal at the hospital on Tuesday; I was well on the way when on Wednesday afternoon was another catheter problem.

Suddenly without any warning I became totally preoccupied with urinating, as soon as I became aware of this I called Richie for help.

Richie had a look and decided he needed to flush out the catheter, because may be a blockage.

He used a saline sachet, which went in and came back out without any problems, but it had not resolved my discomfort.

Richie checked the catheter bag and found a small bit of matter was causing the problem; a new bag soon solved that problem.

It was brilliant that they could be sorted so quickly and easily, the only negative aspect was that it made me quite anxious for a time.

Luckily that soon went and the next day I felt much better again which was really good, better than getting upset.

This week I am taking it very easy in order to put all the catheter problems right out of my mind and concentrate on more pleasant things.

Such as enjoying the blue skies and sunshine as well as warm temperature between 24° and 26°.

Extremely pleasant for 8th of September, especially after our cool it was yesterday and especially last night when I was glad of a blanket.

This morning when I woke up it was too warm blankets but luckily not warm enough to make me feel unwell, I'm enjoying the sunshine enormously.

Noticed that for the rest of the day yesterday after the emergency doctor and her assistant left we were both still nervous.

Richie checked the catheter bag several times too many and we kept expecting things to happen.

They did not and we were really relieved felt we had more than enough excitement getting the emergency doctor's team round here so fast for a Sunday.

Funny thing the mind isn't it, what happens for me is that I will keep having some sort of double take as it hits me time and again that what is happening to me is really happening.

It won't stop and go away what is odd that despite or maybe because of knowing that I am 100 % disabled and will always be like this and it will get worse I still somehow think that this will stop.

It is really strange this refusal to accept the truth of what is happening to me.

How do I do that and will I be able to survive it all?

Think the answer is no.

Shame but true and more true than this idea that I will become better.

I do understand where it comes from and that is a big desire to improve.

Come on aren’t I doing so well nearly 9 months in bed and doing so well surely there is a reward something in return.

Not in this case unless it is what I given myself i.e. have not given myself an even harder time which I could have and still can do.

‘It is of course not fair but so are a lot of things in fact there is really no such thing certainly not where MS is concerned.

With MS you just make the best of things and when there is a good moment grab it and enjoy it.

Back to the basics seize the moment and enjoy what there is to enjoy even the kids screaming at the joy of being able to scream.