A Huge Contrast To Yesterday.

 

Roberto Matta

.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roberto_Matta

Last night after I did my exercises on the Motomed Richie returned me back to bed, where I expected to be able to sit well.

It was shocking to discover that not only was I not sitting well but I was also feeling really dreadful.

I felt at my most handicapped and disabled than I've ever felt before, it was shocking to have this experience yesterday evening.

I had not expected this to happen as I had been to the toilet before I did my arm and leg exercises and had a huge bowel movement.

Sitting better was what I expected would happen as a consequence of going very successfully to the toilet.

Over the last few years we are both noticed that there's a huge correlation between needing to have a bowel movement and sitting badly.

Any time that I am consistently flopping all over the bed Richie knows now that it is time to get me to the bathroom which usually solves the problem.

I have not had any such problems today which is really lovely, it has meant that that for the first time in a couple of months I've been able to answer outstanding e-mails.

Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to start responding as I always have done to comments left on my blog which I always like to do as its nice to be in conversation with my blog friends.

Then I quickly edited the Dutch translation of my blog, it went very well and I was able to translate the title as well as labels.

As a consequence of all this I now feel very efficient, this is making me very happy as I love to be on top of things.

I'm enjoying feeling so much better than I did yesterday; in fact the contrast with yesterday is quite noticeable, tomorrow maybe different again.

Whatever happens I am enjoying today, that is really all that matters to me is enjoying what I have right here and now.

Noticed that for the rest of the day yesterday after the emergency doctor and her assistant left we were both still nervous.

Richie checked the catheter bag several times too many and we kept expecting things to happen.

They did not and we were really relieved felt we had more than enough excitement getting the emergency doctor's team round here so fast for a Sunday.

Funny thing the mind isn't it, what happens for me is that I will keep having some sort of double take as it hits me time and again that what is happening to me is really happening.

It won't stop and go away what is odd that despite or maybe because of knowing that I am 100 % disabled and will always be like this and it will get worse I still somehow think that this will stop.

It is really strange this refusal to accept the truth of what is happening to me.

How do I do that and will I be able to survive it all?

Think the answer is no.

Shame but true and more true than this idea that I will become better.

I do understand where it comes from and that is a big desire to improve.

Come on aren’t I doing so well nearly 9 months in bed and doing so well surely there is a reward something in return.

Not in this case unless it is what I given myself i.e. have not given myself an even harder time which I could have and still can do.

‘It is of course not fair but so are a lot of things in fact there is really no such thing certainly not where MS is concerned.

With MS you just make the best of things and when there is a good moment grab it and enjoy it.

Back to the basics seize the moment and enjoy what there is to enjoy even the kids screaming at the joy of being able to scream.