Noticed that for the rest of the day yesterday after the emergency doctor and her assistant left we were both still nervous.

Richie checked the catheter bag several times too many and we kept expecting things to happen.

They did not and we were really relieved felt we had more than enough excitement getting the emergency doctor's team round here so fast for a Sunday.

Funny thing the mind isn't it, what happens for me is that I will keep having some sort of double take as it hits me time and again that what is happening to me is really happening.

It won't stop and go away what is odd that despite or maybe because of knowing that I am 100 % disabled and will always be like this and it will get worse I still somehow think that this will stop.

It is really strange this refusal to accept the truth of what is happening to me.

How do I do that and will I be able to survive it all?

Think the answer is no.

Shame but true and more true than this idea that I will become better.

I do understand where it comes from and that is a big desire to improve.

Come on aren’t I doing so well nearly 9 months in bed and doing so well surely there is a reward something in return.

Not in this case unless it is what I given myself i.e. have not given myself an even harder time which I could have and still can do.

‘It is of course not fair but so are a lot of things in fact there is really no such thing certainly not where MS is concerned.

With MS you just make the best of things and when there is a good moment grab it and enjoy it.

Back to the basics seize the moment and enjoy what there is to enjoy even the kids screaming at the joy of being able to scream.