Good grief all those old clichés about your health being the most precious thing

20-1-07

Good grief all those old clichés about your health being the most precious thing and nothing else being as valuable seem to be true. Mostly people would mutter this darkly when someone who had become rich became very ill or lost a partner or some other tragic loss of health. Always thought it was said by people who would have no hope of making it big anywhere.

Now I know its true now mine has been taken away so quickly, one minute I am walking the next hobbling and now just sitting in this chair much too passive but that’s what happens especially in this cut costs at all times culture as if health, happiness and social and cultural involvement can be measured by burocrats and their silly tests.

But what a load of shit really is not only a shitty disease but so quick fucking scary really is and what next. Will I wake up any day soon and find I can’t move at all. What a lot of pants really shit this ms, no none can tell me for sure, there are no guarantees no advice and no treatment. Lots of drugs made by lots of drug companies, which help some people, but not all and they have horrible side effects. Most of the drugs are not suitable to a lot of people but hey who cares when big profits can be made.

Now I can’t walk anymore I don’ t feel big, can’t walk tall and strut my stuff can only sit around small and chair sized, downsized to the size of a chair. Don’t feel very much like me and need to get back to feeling myself and being myself instead of feeling totally dominated by this disease. Keep thinking if only I could call out ok I have learnt enough stop its enough already let’s go back to how it was before but that’s dreamtime cos in real time that’s not an option.

23 -1-07
Just to make it all perfect the cold and flu has now progressed into what’s politely known as a tummy bug and a feeling of general unease. Bad enough without ms but in a wheelchair its overrated.

27-1-7
Finally starting to recover from the flu today ate food with taste and appetite and even a small glass of wine. That’s what I call living it up big time