Joie de Vivre.
Susan Vrotsos.
Abstract expressionist artist from Winchester, MA, USA.
Difficult to describe all the sensations that I have been experiencing moving around my body just recently.
Feels like my body is burning up, other times everything tenses up so much that I get stuck in one position.
Feels liked my skin is being stretched to its limit, almost feels sometimes as if my skin were being pulled off.
Still have the tingly electric shocks and my arms are very stiff, heavy and clumsy and painful, feels often as if I am being hit with a heavy hammer up and down my arms
Last night lay here trying to sleep feeling like my wrists were being smashed until they felt broken and my arms hit repeatedly.
Added to that the feeling of electric shocks and the burning sensation made it very difficult to drift off.
Have to be careful when yawning or coughing, then my body goes totally rigid and often can’t stretch my arms out afterwards without Richie giving my arms a massage.
So that he can gently stretch my arms out while holding my fingers to stop them clenching into fists and digging my finger nails into the palms of my hand and massaging the top of my arms.
Try to ignore all the sensations but that is very difficult to do, as they have become so intense, though sometimes it helps to put things into perspective.
They are all real feelings and sensations caused by the nerves not being able to transmit properly, not too much comfort when the pain of it all becomes too intense.
Although it does help my mind to think it is just the jumbled, jangled MS sensations and not reality, but it still hurts all the same.
Weird though to have so many painful feelings that are not really real just sensations triggered by garbled nerve messages.
Now that my hands and arms are no longer functioning well I have become more aware of my MS moving to another level.
Hope that I will be able to cope with all the things this MS is throwing at me, guess at some point I won’t be able to blog anymore, hope that does not happen for sometime yet.
Despite all the pain, discomfort, anxiety, and panic this is a special time, blogging has helped me enormously, being able to write about what is happening to me is important.
Meeting so many lovely supportive people and becoming friends has helped me stay strong and sharing this time with my darling Richie is very special for both of us.
