Rainy Sticky Thursday In Amsterdam.

Rainy Amsterdam.



Slept soundly until I woke in great pain in the early hours and could not manage to do more than doze fitfully until Richie got up.

Felt like I was on fire that is how painful it was, glad that the thc helped me to fall asleep last night and I got some sleep, hate to think of not having thc.

And having to rely on opiates can imagine that I would have to take several pills to achieve the same result as the THC gives me now.

With THC I do not have side effects that opiates can give you, plus do not have to take other pills to counteract their effects.

Feel a touch down this afternoon really want to sit in the wheelchair but not until the skin is healed over and Ton gives us the all clear.

Miss sitting, my back feel sore from all the lying down I have had to do since 2008, I suppose in the context of two years in bed these couple of weeks is nothing.

But it does not seem to work like that as I am experiencing so much more pain this last week since I can not get a break from the bed for even a few hours.

Amazing the effect just one week has had, found myself almost wanting a sleeping tablet again last night because I was getting worried and know how that can stop sleep.

Too many thoughts often ruin my sleep, once I have one thought more follow and often that is the end of sleep for me.

Somehow managed not to start thinking and slept before I knew it which was excellent, Marianne popped by for a cup of tea, really good to see her.

Nice that she does that, feels so nice and ordinary just like before I became so handicapped when friends would come round on the off chance I was at home.

Going to post this now really miss not being able to find and upload pictures that had becomes such a big part of my daily posts.

It was a big shock when I got a message saying I had gone over my limit, I was going to buy extra space but could not do that as Blogger does not use Pay Pal.

So right now I am recycling pictures.

Oh well back to the drawing board hope I think of something sure that I will think of something.

Bright Sunny and extremely cold first Sunday in January.

Natural Beauty.


Another beautiful bright sunny day today, and extremely cold and icy, the ice is forming on the canal behind our street.

Soon the ducks will be able to waddle about on it, and the rats can scuttle over to their nests without swimming.

Richie often sees a rat climbing onboard one of the boats with supplies of food, he wishes he could find out whose boat it is and warn them.

That way they will not have a nasty surprise in the summer when they want to drift around in their boat and enjoy the good weather.

Sure they will have to throw away many of their fixtures and fittings as rats piss all the time, so the boat may well be liberally covered in urine and rat droppings.

Hope it is not so and they can use their boat without too much hard work.

Richie and I are both not feeling so well today, we are I think both in need of more sleep.

We stayed up to way too late watching all sorts of fascinating things on the TV that I can not recall today.

Feel ancient today and a wee bit queasy b because I have gulped in a lot of air while I was waking up.

It is very difficult to burp when lying down, to relieve the pressure and can be tricky as if you burp too much you can make yourself be sick.

It is another of the things that happened to me, and I am sure plenty of others too, just never thought of having problems burping and coughing and even blowing my nose is not possible anymore.

Very glad I stopped smoking pure weed joints last January, it took awhile for me to get used to the vaporiser.

As soon as I did I felt how much better it was, finally no need to cough so much and now when I do it is not a painful problem as it was becoming.

So glad I stopped smoking cigarettes in 1999, wish now that I had never started to smoke especially as there now seems to be a link between MS and smoking.

Wish my mother had not introduced me to the awful habit when I was a vulnerable teenager, not a very responsible way for her to behave as my mother.

Glad I could finally atop in the summer of 1999, it is very scary for me to think my MS could hgave been made worse by my smoking.

I am in quite alot of pain today, guess that I feel it more as I am so very tired, I am going to sit back and enjoy the sunshine before it starts to fade away and become dusk.

Brilliant Visit.

Had an unexpected hard time falling asleep last night, was quite upsetting especially as I had thought I had solved my insomnia problem.

At 3 am had to accept it was not going to happen so took a relaxant and that seemed to help me as I slept after about 20 minutes.

Slept until 11 am which was very nice, felt rested and quite relaxed, until I yawned and then my arms cramped up and my legs had a huge spasm.

Instantly felt all the pain again, which was too much for me this morning so I cried, had a real good howl and let it all out.

Cried out all the pain and all the frustration of being dependant for everything, my biggest frustration is not being able to move my body.

Hate that I can only move my arms and can only pull my head and shoulders off the mattress with the help of the hand hold which hangs over my bed.

When I started crying Spike came and stood next to my bed and started crying along with me, until Richie put him up on the bed.

He then set about diligently licking my hands and then he moved in on my neck and face and tracked down every single tear and licked it up.

After awhile I started to feel very damp but by the time the wee dog had stopped and was allowing me to stroke his head, he seemed to be very pleased with himself.

And so he should be as by the time he had finished I was feeling much better, he is a lovely little dog, he is always very concerned about me.

Very sweet that Spike is so concerned about me, he is a very nice little dog, he really does seem to be very fond of me.

Today there has been a tight cloud cover, everything was grey and it rained pretty much the whole day.

A very good friend Anja, came to visit us which was brilliant, really nice to see her, we had a great visit.

Of course before we knew it the time had flown by and it was 5.30 and she had to say goodbye and go to catch her train home.

It was a very good visit, Anja is going to try to come back next week which would be excellent.

Busy Tuesday.

Expressionism.

Slept until 10 am and then woke up slowly, felt the pain but somehow it was not quite as intense as normally.

Made my self do my arm exercises and that helped me stretch my arms and got my hands functioning by doing my finger exercises.

By the time Richie had done my leg exercises and I had brushed my teeth and washed my face I could hold the beaker to take my baclofen tablets.

It is weird that I am accepting things now as ordinary, it is clear that if I do not do my finger exercises my fingers are useless.

Could feel myself getting tense and by the time that I took the bladder relaxation pill at 12 am I was getting stressed.

Managed to stay calm and focussed and wrote a document with all the things I wanted to discuss with the doctor.

We had a very good discussion, she told me what she had found out about LDN, and it was more or less what we already knew.

Dagma is going to talk to a neurologist and then we will talk about it again, the thing that concerns her are the side effects of anxiety, depression.

That makes me pause but does not put me off, I think right now that I am inclined to try it, seems to me to be worth it for me.

Don’t think that I have too much to lose and who knows it could help me.

The catheter change went well and so was good to discuss LDN and vitamin D with our doctor.

Dagma was all in favour of the vitamins and she is going to proscribe me daily vitamin D capsules.

After the doctor’s visit we took it easy and then Richie took me to the bathroom, then I sat in the wheelchair as I have been doing everyday.

Gareth and Paul came by after I had been sitting for one and a half hours and they were here for two and a half hours.

Richie put me back in bed after I had sat for four hours which was good, am really getting used to and enjoying sitting again now.

My plan is too start moving around the apartment tomorrow and the day after and I hope go out on Friday.

Who knows if it goes well I could be getting to the market quite soon.

That's Life.

Slept well last night, nice for a change, hope soon to be able to drift off to sleep without any problems.

As soon as I woke this morning everything hurt like hell and I started crying softly, despite trying to keep quiet Richie heard me and came over to kiss me and hold my hand.

Poor Spike and Marleen came rushing in as soon as Richie opened the door to the front room.

Spike squeaking dramatically, they too had heard me crying and were right by my bed.

They are very sweet little dogs and seem to be very concerned about me which is very sweet.

Will be getting a friend to get me some essential oils, that Rain sent me the names of recently, to help me sleep.

They are: bergamot, lavender, mandarin, chamomile, marjoram & spikenard

I will also be getting the essential oils that Rain found that are good for muscle spasms.

Calming Blend for Muscle Spasms

Massage Oil: 5 drops Marjoram
3 drops Rosemary
2 drops Lavender
2 drops Orange

Mix the essential oils together and add to 1 ounce of sweet almond oil, looking forward to trying this soon.

I think that I will start to drink herbal teas again, like valerian and chamomile, they used to work very well and add some THC and sleep was guaranteed.

Today started really well, blue skies and sunshine and then some mackerel clouds drifted in.

This is usually a sign the weather will be changing and it did, just quicker than we both thought.

Within about 30 minutes the cloud cover was extremely thick and it got dark and started to rain.

It has not stopped all day, which has not pleased the dogs at all; Marleen stopped looking out of the window as soon as the rain started.

She is quite a grand sight sniffing her disapproval and leaving none of us in any doubt that we have all fucked the weather up.

It is of course all our fault, shame she was so happy and playful while it looked like a nice day.

And then we made it rain!

Amazing characters our dogs, guess they all are, glad we got them, it has been good to get to know and appreciate them.

I admire the optimism of dogs think we can learn a lesson from dogs and that is living in the moment.

Which they do so very well.