Enjoying The Present.

 
Roberto Matta.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roberto_Matta

Friday it was 21st of September which is the Autumn Solstice and right away it looked and felt like it.

It is only 21.00 now yet it feels so much later already, the other thing that is very noticeable is how much colder it has become within a couple of days.

For the last week I haven't had to use my mosquito net during the night and day we had been central heating on this morning because it was so cold first thing.

Richie is going to look for some warm trousers for me so I don't have to spend all day covered by duvet or blankets.

It's much nicer to be able to lie on top of the bed rather than be lying in bed covered; I think warm trousers is a very good idea of Richie’s.

We are both looking forward to seeing Aud on Wednesday next week; it is really special to have her staying with us.

What's even nicer is the fact that it's not a brief visit, as Aud will be here until 6 October, and I hope she will be back quite soon after that.

Looking outside it really looks like it is the end of October and nearly November and not the 23^rd of September.

I seem to spend too much time worrying about when my old pressure wound would heal, if indeed it would ever heal and would I ever be outside again.

Too many questions none of which I could possibly answer, in fact the only effect of these questions was to upset and demotivate me.

Once I noticed while was doing to myself, I've decided to stop trying to guess what this horrible disease Multiple Sclerosis will do next.

There really is no point in my wasting valuable energy in trying to predict the future, not when I want to enjoy the present, which I do.

I'm going to leave the future for what it is something that will happen in due course, instead I'm going to concentrate on enjoying the present.

Keep A Balance.

Jan Toorop 

http://www.wikipaintings.org/en/jan-toorop

Since Wednesday the days were really difficult for me because it was such shocking news about the air conditioning that it got me quite depressed.

Which is not how I want to be, especially as depression is one of the side-effects of Multiple Sclerosis.

I'm sure that depression can cause a lot of damage; something that I want to avoid is much as I can, for a brief period the news totally demoralised me.

Somehow I will have to try to keep a balance and not get too involved with fighting for my rights, but on the hand I don't intend to give up any time soon.

The whole way this is being handled just shows what the Amsterdam Council thinks of my application for air conditioning, they seem to think it is a frivolous request.

Of course it is not frivolous it is a vital necessity, Wednesdays heat wave confirmed once again why I needed it.

If I didn't get physically sick and unable to function due to the heat I would not want air conditioning.

In my opinion air conditioning is one of the contributors to global warming and the destruction of our weather systems.

My earliest memory of air conditioning was in the 50s in Trinidad, when an American school friend took a little group of us to her house.

I remember thinking that her house felt like a deep freeze which I did not like; I also recall being offered strange cheese sandwiches.

It was cheese like I've never seen nor eaten before; bright orange cheese spread in a jar, the other option was hot dogs, also orange.

I remember tentatively trying both but I could not manage to eat them, I was very glad to get home to a delicious curry.

The only other time I've experienced air conditioning was in 1997 when I visited Trinidad for the first time since 1962 when we had left.

The other thing I never thought I'd be using here in Amsterdam is mosquito nets, which we both have so that we can get a good nights sleep.

That is much better than swatting mosquitoes all night which is something that we had to do, especially in the last 10 years.

Today I feel a lot better especially as yesterday and today it has been cooler which is made my life a lot easier.

My intention now is to relax as much as I can and enjoy the weekend with my Darling Richie and our three delightful dogs.

Keeping Hopeful.

Zambezia, Zambezia, 1950,

Wilfredo Lam.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wifredo_Lam

Last night we both noticed mosquito’s, for the first time, up until now I have not needed to sleep under my net.

Fully expected to wake up to a hot sunny day, sadly it’s the opposite, a grey, dull, overcast cool day

Guess any day now we will wake to hot, humid weather; I shall enjoy these grey days and take it as it comes.

Yesterday was a trifle upsetting having the support cushions here at last, then noticing that the size was not correct.

This meant I would not be able to sit up and use my table or my laptop, sitting fully supported is the function of the cushions.

It was a strange feeling being totally surrounded by the cushion, instantly felt the support that they provided.

Dennis Klein from Summit has promised that the cushion will be adjusted this Monday; he said they will be back next week Friday.

I hope he is right as I really need the support they offer now, to sit up in bed, keeping hopeful that they will be here when Dennis promised.

Having a cocoon around me is not my idea of fun but sadly I need support now, if the cushions provide that then that is brilliant.

Rumours Of Sunshine.

Assger Jorn.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asger_Jorn


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/COBRA_%28avant-garde_movement%29

Yesterday was sunny which was nice for my cousin Katrin’s visit; she has been visiting twice a year since I had to stay in bed in August 2008.

Every time she was here it was cold, grey rainy and cloudy, so yesterday was very pleasant for her for a change.

It was something of a revelation for her, funny to think that there has never been nice weather here on any of her visits, apparently also never on earlier visits to Amsterdam either.

Seems she expects Amsterdam to be grey, cloudy and raining, guess we get a very changeable climate as we are so close to the sea here.

Wonderfully the mosquitoes seem to have stopped earlier this year probably because the summer was so bad.

Last year we were sleeping under our mosquito nets until November but this year we have not needed them since mid august.

Had a lot of pain and discomfort yesterday and last night, which was helped by lots of THC before Katrin’s visit and afterwards too.

Suddenly the temperature got very warm last night, strange for that to happen at night, it was around 20.00 that it became very uncomfortable for me.

Thought that I was having a problem with my catheter, Richie checked and it was working fine, had not slipped out of place or even moved.

Turned out to be then temperature and the fact that I was covered by my duvet, which is quite warm.

What a relief to find it was the outside temperature not my body going mad, great relief, took half a sleeping tablet last night as we were up late watching Match of The Day.

It worked well and I slept after 30 minutes until I woke up coughing early this morning Richie got up and gave me some chamomile throat spray and some THC.

The throat spray took the urge to cough away and the THC helped ease me back to sleep which was good for us all as it was 06.00 when I woke.

It is not such a nice day as yesterday but, it is brighter now so I turned the light out now, and there are rumours of sunshine which is very pleasant.

Nothing Can Change Me.

Maleonn.

http://www.craigscottgallery.com/?sec=2&artist_id=6

''Some stories don't have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what's going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity ... " ~ Gilda Radner


Woke from a wonderful deep sleep and was looking forward to the day and to writing my post before Richie showered me.

This was not to be; as I was not getting all the benefits of the fan, it had got enveloped in my mosquito net, so I asked Richie to tie it back; as soon as he did he discovered that I was lying in a bed awash with urine.

Until Richie discovered this, I had no idea having just woken up, had not felt that anything was wrong, had not felt cold nor did I smell anything.

Yet as soon as Richie said, I instantly felt wet and cold, as well as smelt the unmistakable ‘’gorgeous’’ odour of pee.

Horrible start to the day, made better by Richie’s swift action in getting me hoisted out of bed and under the shower.

He soon got me showered and dried and dressed, ready to see our good friend Anja who was coming to visit at 14.00.

It was very good seeing Anja, she is my best friend here we have known each other for a long time now.

The first time I saw her was in 1983, we first met and got to know each other in 1984, that is already 26 years ago now.

Funny how time flies by, seems not long ago that I moved to Amsterdam, one minute it was 1981 and the next it is 2010.

In 1981 I was 30 and here it is I am 59, despite the MS knocking lumps out of me, I do not feel much different then I did in 1981.

By that I do not mean that 29 years came and went without affecting me in any way, as of course they did.

What I mean is that I am finding out that despite everything that life has thrown at me and the effects of this nasty disease and getting older, essentially I am still me..

Guess this is what confused me when I was a child, every birthday I would rush to the mirror and examine myself.

I was looking for signs that getting a year older had made a noticeable difference and I would feel maybe even be different.

For years I was sad to never see any obvious differences, every year I was disappointed until I became a teenager and no longer rushed to the mirror every 17 March.

Now I realise that I was not only looking for outward signs, but I was also expecting to feel different too, to be somehow changed.

Which is not possible as I totally understand, now I can see that I have aged and that I have been affected by this shitty MS but nothing can change me or make me different

Sunshine and Blue Skies.

Asian Art.

Here it is the day after Easter and the weather is very good, there are blue skies and sunshine today and it is getting abit warmer too.

Enough for the window to be open all day which is great, probably have to start using the mosquito net before too long.

Thought yesterday that we might get good weather today and here it is beautiful weather for April.

Very exciting, I got my new glasses today; they are good, just got a photo taken by Richie will post it.

This afternoon Willes came upstairs to help with the post it took from 3.30 until 5 and now it is done.
.
Feeling tired now, mostly anticipation of the post, were there going to be horrible surprises like outstanding bills to pay.

Brilliant that is done now, feels everything is tidy, e-mail, internet favourites and now our post and bills.

A good start to the week and month, think that I will finds pictured and post this and relax, nice to look out the open window onto beautiful sunshine outside.

Tonight is a Champion’s League game between Arsenal versus Barcelona; really hope that my team Arsenal wins tonight.

Come on the Gunners!