Vandaag was een enorme opluchting.

Roberto Matta. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roberto_Matta 

Vandaag begon erg vroeg, Richie was wakker om 06.30 uur zodat hij kon een douche nemen en een kopje koffie drinken alvorens hij de honden rond het blok heeft genomen.

Om  08.00 maakte Richie me wakker en begon mijn rechterarm te masseren, waarna ik  mijn tanden poesten alvorens de rest van mijn arm oefeningen en been oefeningen te doen met Richie's hulp.

Alles ging erg goed met inbegrip van de douche en ik was terug in bed in genoeg tijd om een drankje en een diazepam kon slikken, voordat de ambulance arriveerde.

De afspraak met de ambulance was voor 10:30, en  ze waren hier niet te lang nadat om 10.40, wat perfect was voor ons.           

Het was zo leuk om weer eventjes buiten te zijn, zelfs als het slechts voor een paar minuten was, ik heb even op de stoep gezeten, voor mij was het zo aangenaam.

ditmaal waren er drie ambulance bemanning die me in de ambulance zeer efficiënt hebben geladen, en voordat we het wisten waren we in het ziekenhuis.

Ze nam ons mee naar de afdeling urologie waar ze voor ons wachten,  het was precies 11.15 toen we aankwamen.

Het kon niet beter om dat wij werden begroet door de dezelfde aardige verpleegster, als de laatste keer de vroeg ons om haar te volgen  naar de behandeling kamer, waar dezelfde arts op mij heb gewacht.      

Het Valium plus  THC ontspanden mij en hielp me om te gaan met de situatie door mijzelf te distantiëren van alles wat er gaande was.

Na 5 minuten had de dokter de nieuwe katheter succesvol ingevoegd en het was helemaal over, wat een opluchting niet alleen voor mij maar evenals voor iedereen anders was.

De arts adviseerde ons om ook nog een keer in November terug te komen en als die afspraak ook goed ging. De sessies

 Wij waren terug naar huis om 11.45,  wat briljant , eindelijk kon ik volledig ontspannen en genieten van weer thuis zijn.

Het liet mij  merken dat ondanks alle zorgen vooraf dat de werkelijke gebeurtenis helemaal geen probleem was.

Ik vraag me af als het me deze keer misschien kon overtuigen dat het niet nodig was om mij vooraf altijd zogen te maken, dat zou inderdaad erg mooi zijn.

   

Moments.

Roberto Matta.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roberto_Matta

After I woke up morning I started to cry, usually I try to hold back the tears, but once they start it is difficult to stop again.

Today it was more difficult to do so; my whole situation was really getting to me, and especially knowing there's nothing I can do to change it.

How I wish there was because I would do everything I could, but sadly it is neither in my power nor in the power of my darling Richie.

Richie does so much for t and I don't just mean the physical care, he makes my life so much better, he always has.

Crying has a function, today it was necessary to relieve the pressure that has accumulated recently.

One thing I'm about is that tell Richie immediately that I was depressed and could see no chance of my prospects improving.

It’s pretty depressing being in bed so long again, with seemingly no chance of going outside.

Sometimes it feels like I will never experience that again, when I had to go to the hospital recently I was briefly out in the fresh air and it was wonderful.

Even though it was only for a few minutes between the front door and getting into the ambulance still it was gorgeous to be outside.

Luckily the weather was wonderful that day, it was warm and sunny, sadly I did not see much of this beautiful city through the ambulance windows.

The crewmember who sat in the back with us told me where we were passing which was very nice of him.

Those few minutes outside were wonderful.  

Tired But Happy.

Roberto Matta.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roberto_Matta

Today has been an extremely tiring day; it started at six o'clock this morning when Richie got up to take the dogs out to the Park for a run as well as play.

Before Richie went off with the dogs, I asked him to get me some THC which had me drifting back to sleep quite quickly.

Sadly I never managed to sleep as deeply as I did before I got woken up, and before I knew it Richie and the dogs were back from the Park.

Richie came into bedroom and started doing the relaxation exercises on my right arm, then we did both arms together, I did the left arm, he did the right.

After which he did my leg exercises, Richie moved them, this is good because it keeps the muscles supple.

Richie gave me a wonderful shower; he dressed and perfumed me, Chanel 5 to keep my confidence up at the hospital

The ambulance came for us at 10.30, the appointment was for 11.00, it was a bit of a surprise as we needed the extra half an hour to fine tune our departure.

We were at the hospital just before 11. 00 and was seen pretty much seen right away, two nurses took us to a treatment room.

They tried to insert a catheter without any luck, after a while they went and got two doctors who also tried to insert a catheter.

I was starting to feel like a cross between a pin cushion and a dart board with all the attempts to get a catheter into the stoma.

It took one and a half hours for the catheter could finally be inserted into my bladder and the other catheter in my uretha.

After a while the doctors got their senior colleague to come and see if he could get a catheter put in.

After the first hour when it seemed that doctors were not getting anywhere and the pain got to me, I started to cry.

Then I apologised, they responded by saying it was no wonder I was crying as it must be very painful for me, they all thought I'd been very brave.

Just when I thought I was going to be told they could not do anything for me and I would have to have a new operation, the third Dr got the catheter in.

Then we had to wait another hour for an ambulance to take us home, I found it really difficult to wait so long as I was beginning to feel very uncomfortable sitting propped up on an examination couch, which was hard.

Finally just after 13.30 the ambulance came to collect us and we were home at 14.00 which was wonderful, now I am totally shattered but happy it is done.

Keeping Calm.

Roberto Matta.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roberto_Matta

We were later last night then we intended, but nevertheless it was a relaxed night which gave us no warning of what was to happen the next day.

This morning I got woken up quite abruptly, I thought at first it was just because I heard Richie getting up.

Then I realised it was because I was not lying comfortably, I got Richie to move me which seemed to resolve my problem.

However it didn't, instead my discomfort got worse, I did my best to relax and concentrate on something else, I did not succeed.

When I felt that I really could not carry on any more, I reluctantly called Richie for more help.

He came over immediately, as soon as I mentioned that I thought there might be a problem with my catheter, Richie took a look.

Right away he told me that the catheter had somehow come out and was lying with the balloon deflated next to me.

By this time I felt I was going to burst into flames as I became aware that I was absolutely desperate to urinate.

Richie got the new catheter, he did his best but he could not get the new catheter into the bladder.

He also could not get a catheter without the bubble in to drain the urine which was giving me so much discomfort.

Eventually Richie decided to put the catheter into my uretha, as a temporary solution, when this was done, I phoned our doctor.

I explained the situation and she got in touch with the urologist at the hospital, which had performed the supra pubic catheter operation in 2010.

Tomorrow morning I will be taken by an ambulance to the hospital, where they hope to be able to widen the opening and reinsert a supra pubic catheter.

If not, then I would have to wait for the original stoma to heal over, when this is done they will operate again.

Hopefully there will be able to widen the stoma tomorrow, I've been worrying that something dreadful would happen and now it has, I am strangely calm.

Funnily enough just yesterday I thought why worry before the event, and now it has happened there is little point in worrying, I shall wait and see what tomorrow brings.