Not Allow Us To Think For Ourselves.

James Abbott McNeill Whistler.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/James_Abbott_McNeill_Whistler


Had a good nights sleep, just woke abit earlier than I wanted to, Richie helped me to drift off again by getting me some THC when he heard me wake up moaning in pain.

As soon as I am conscious I feel everything again and it always hits me very hard, really dread those first few moments of being awake again.

I did my arm exercises right away as my arms were so painfully cramped up and I wanted to get them moving as fast as I could.

When my arms hurt me so much, as they did this morning, then I try to get the exercises done right away, doing them usually helps me tremendously.

The leg exercises are also very good for me, glad that Mathilde, my physiotherapist, showed Richie how to do my leg exercises and the leg massage.

These two things along with my arm exercises and using the Motomed to do 30 minutes of leg exercise and 15 minutes of arm exercises daily really help keep me fit.

Which is very important especially now that I can not walk or move at all, so doing these exercises is even more important for me.

Could not believe how many sensational stories there are in the press today to take my mind off my pain and discomfort.

The Sunday papers are running more allegations against the Pakistani cricket team and there is more about the News of The World telephone tapping story, which came out after a New York Times story.

There is also a story about Wayne Rooney paying for sex during his wife’s pregnancy and more about William Hague and his special advisor, who he is alleged to have taken to Afghanistan with him on a fact finding mission.

It is all go on the news front as the August silly season is over and the papers give us real news again.

Sadly there is nothing about bringing Mugabe or Tony Blair and George Bush in front of any court of law.

Would have thought that Tony and George should stand trial in Den Hague, for what now seems to be seen as an illegal war in Iraq.

But that’s how the papers report news; the really important news often is left out as papers seek to manipulate their readers.

They prefer to feed the population a mixture of scandal, titillation and fear, those stories sell copies of the papers and bumps up their circulation.

Just to balance it out every now and then there is a real news item that emerges, but generally it is all stories of scandals and celebrities and stirring up fear of crime and fear of Muslims.

We are living in much too interesting times, as everything now seems to point to the world being manipulated into war.

The right wing Christians seem to want a Holy War, a Crusade against Muslims, they seem to want to make an Armageddon happen at all cost.

Recently Tony Blair has been agitating for a war against Iran, as he tries to persuade his fellow Christians that all Muslims are a potential danger.

They do not seem to care if this kills many innocent people in the process, they do not even care I think, if this were to be the end of the world.

Not as long as they, the righteous triumph, really find it hard to believe there are so many who will preach about Christian love and at the same time want to kill thousands of innocent people.

All in the name of religion, amazing how repressed life can be if you allow a big daddy like these church and sect leaders and others like Blair to interpret the world for us and not allow us to think for ourselves.

Today the sun is shining and it is very cold.

Woke up suddenly this morning amazingly it was only just morning, I had managed to sleep until 12.30

Then a hefty leg spasm kick started me into the day and made me aware that my arms were stiff and painful

So painful I needed Richie's help to get my arms free of the duvet so I could start doing my arm exercises.

Was making quite a lot of noise as I did my exercises moaning in pain and shouting out the number of the exercise I was doing.

Noticed that my index finger had started being a problem as I could not click on anything.

A static picture is interesting for a brief moment but then it becomes boring, luckily I did manage to get my right index finger to click a few times.

I was glad my index finger was working so that I could entertain myself while Richie and the dogs went to the park yesterday.

It was a big outing for Spike, it was a first outing to his favourite park, and well the one Richie took him and Marleen to every day before he was confined to the cage.

Spike had his first run off the lead on the way home from the vet on Friday but he had not run free with Marleen.

So yesterdays walk was a big deal for the dogs, finally they could run and play together outside.

Both dogs were very happy when they came back, the dogs bounced into the bedroom to say hello, they ran around with their toys and then scampered off into the other room for their dinner.

After dinner they demanded their after dinner game with Richie, they fetched their toys and Marleen stood in front of Riche and shook her pig at him.

When he picked up the other end of the toy it was game on and Spike started to shake the toy he was holding

It looks like he is refereeing the game between Richie and Marleen; he started to do this on his first day with us.

We only realise much later how lucky it was that he had taught himself to hold and shake his toys during this game.

One time he responded without a toy in his mouth and he barked, so all those gruff refereeing noises he was making were in fact barks muffled by a toy.

As soon as we noticed this we made sure that if he did not have a toy we would have one for him.

We have two weeks before the first operation on 19 March, time to let our little hero enjoy himself before he has to spend 6 more weeks in the cage.

Sure we can provide Spike with plenty of fun before the operation and today the sun is hining and it is very cold perfect weather for dogs plying in the park.

Enjoying this moment here and now.

Today is a dull cloudy day, snow has been forecast and by the look of outside could happen at any moment.

Richie says it is extremely slippery outside, Kostverloren kade, the big canal at the end of our street is frozen over once more.

The ice breakers keep it open as it is one of the major waterways into Amsterdam, shame that so many canals were filled in during the 60’s.

This city would not be as polluted as it is, if they had not chosen in favour of the motor car, shame that they did so.

So many canals are now only a dim memory, I was here with my mother in 1958, when she tried to minmize her luggage.

This was achieved by making me wear several layers, foir me this is still not a nice memory.

We are watching rugby, well Riche is watching it and I am writing this post and can hear the commentary.

Seems to be an exciting game, hope Scotland win against Wales, that would make Richie’s weekend complete.

Since the good news about my carrers allowance has been extended for two years oin Thursday we have both been very relaxed.

It is pleasant to fall asleep with no problem, and if I need it THC is available, hate to think how I would hacve got back to sleep this morning without thc.

I got woken up because it got too cold, Richie closed the wsindow and got me a bag of vapour and I slept for a few more hours.

Things have been so much better now I do not have to worry about money, its bad enough to be so handicapped and in so much pain without havin to worry about money.

Now I am enjoying these carefree days while can, m arms were verypainful when I woke, so have done double the usual arm exercises.

No snow yet but looks like it could happen any minute now


Enjoying this moment here and now.

Misty February .Day.

Today is a very misty day, it was foggy at first but that cleared somewhat, it won't be a bright day today but maybe tomorrow.

Slept until the cold and the sound of the lorry winching the container up to empty its contents woke me up before 8 am.

Luckily Richie got up then and went to the toilet when he came back I told him that was cold, and asked him for a blanket and could he shut the window.

Soon as Richie had closed the window and put a blanket on me I felt warm again and slept on without any problems for another 2 ½ hours which was wonderful.

As soon as I was awake at 10.30 I did my arm exercises, my arms were very stiff and painful, but once I had done the exercise I could stretch my arms which was good.

Funny how I have become used to living with pain, I am aware of it all the time just now do not give it any time.

I have accepted that the pain that I feel is my nerves sending wrong messages, which does not mean it hurts less.

What it means for me is that I understand what is happening and won’t let it get to me too much.

As soon as Richie did my leg exercises and massage and I was ready for the day, but first a cuddle with Spike.

Spike has been so good since he is locked up, we do let him out regularly for cuddles and of course to go around the block and eat

Every time Spike is out Richie has to quickly close the gate to stop Marleen nipping in and stealing anything she can find.

She is not put off by the door being closed, each time she gives it a through once over, as she is desperate to get her nose in and flick the bolt back.

When she could not do this she growled at it and still kept going trying to find the right angle so she can crack it.

This morning was the same, as soon as Richie had brought Spike in here, he got Spike out for his good morning cuddle.

Poor Spike had to go back in quite quickly as he could not bear Marleen cruising around eagerly eyeing up his chew and his toys.

Poor Spike he has to stay quiet for four weeks, four weeks of Marleen planning to burgle his prison.

1989 Was A Good Year.

Gull's Reflection in Amsterdam Gracht.










Photos from Wales

Yesterday we had a dramatic start to the day, which we luckily did not have today; today we have both woken up at our own pace.

Without any need for Richie to get me into the shower at top speed, I enjoyed lying here trying to relax my neck and shoulders.

As soon as I was fully awake I felt all the pains again, all over my body, even my thumb had spasms.

I did my arm and back exercises more or less right away, in fact, as soon as I started thinking I would like to skip doing them just for today.

Because my arms were so painful today, I made quite alot of noise doing the exercises, especially during the first set.

After the first set I could stretch my arms without pain, which makes the benefits of doing the exercises everyday very clear.

Still need to occasionally remind myself about the benefits of exercises, mind you these days I do not need too much encouragement.

Recently my arms are getting heavier even though I have quite strong arms, because of the muscles that I have built up doing 18 months of 30 minutes of arm exercises daily.

Despite the exercises I find that lifting a forkful of food can become increasingly difficult, especially when I am tired.

When I can't carry on, I ask Richie to assist me, which he does very nicely, he is so very good how he helps me.

Richie is a really sweet man, love how he always comes up with a solution, if there is a problem or finds a better way of doing something.

It is impressive how he copes with all the things he has to do for me; I am a full time job for him.

One I am so glad he is doing, happy we are together and that we are such good friends as well as totally in love with each other.

1989 was a good year, when we first met, the years since have been much better for having my darling Richie in my life.

It was noticeable when we met that we clicked, remember the first time Riche came round one morning for a cup of tea and we were still talking in the evening.

Amazingly it is already twenty years ago now that we first met and we are still laughing and talking.

Let’s seize the moment and enjoy it right here right now.

Since the last couple unpleasant times when my hands would not work I have been thinking a great deal about the progression of my MS and how that will affect us.

Been worrying about the effect on Richie and how I could spare him anymore pain, especially when I am even more handicapped.

The thought of not being able to use my hands and arms is unreal right now but then it all feels so strange.

In so many wayst is a very unreal experience going through this, it is something I could never ever have envisaged before.

Could never have imagined in 2006 that by the following year I would need so much help, that I would not be able do anything for myself.

Nothing whatsoever could have prepared me for this, it is too horrible to have dreamt up, it affects us both, Richie and I on so many different levels.

It has certainly had a good chunk out of my self image, now I know that is nothing to do with the physical more my attitude it feels better.

Been thinking about how the progression will affect and impact on Richie and myself, we have talked a lot about this.

One thing is for sure even though there are many uncertainties that Richie and I want to be together.

I have worried about this what it will be like for him and can I ask this of him, can I really put him through this.

For myself I know I would not w ant to be away from him, can’t imagine life without him, do not think I could or would want to live without my darling Richie, not now.

He in turn has made it clear that he wants very much to be here with me, to be by my side and help me; he just wants to be with me.

I am glad, I guess for both of us despite everything the only place we want to be is together, which is not surprising as we are such good friends.

Nothing I like better than spending time with Richie, laughing and talking about anything and everything and I intend to enjoy this for as long as possible.

Let’s seize the moment and enjoy it right here right now.

Now I have finished writing I can wipe the floods of tears that have poured down my face while writing this away and relax and enjoy this unique afternoon.