Tuesday, January 05, 2010

Let’s seize the moment and enjoy it right here right now.

Since the last couple unpleasant times when my hands would not work I have been thinking a great deal about the progression of my MS and how that will affect us.

Been worrying about the effect on Richie and how I could spare him anymore pain, especially when I am even more handicapped.

The thought of not being able to use my hands and arms is unreal right now but then it all feels so strange.

In so many wayst is a very unreal experience going through this, it is something I could never ever have envisaged before.

Could never have imagined in 2006 that by the following year I would need so much help, that I would not be able do anything for myself.

Nothing whatsoever could have prepared me for this, it is too horrible to have dreamt up, it affects us both, Richie and I on so many different levels.

It has certainly had a good chunk out of my self image, now I know that is nothing to do with the physical more my attitude it feels better.

Been thinking about how the progression will affect and impact on Richie and myself, we have talked a lot about this.

One thing is for sure even though there are many uncertainties that Richie and I want to be together.

I have worried about this what it will be like for him and can I ask this of him, can I really put him through this.

For myself I know I would not w ant to be away from him, can’t imagine life without him, do not think I could or would want to live without my darling Richie, not now.

He in turn has made it clear that he wants very much to be here with me, to be by my side and help me; he just wants to be with me.

I am glad, I guess for both of us despite everything the only place we want to be is together, which is not surprising as we are such good friends.

Nothing I like better than spending time with Richie, laughing and talking about anything and everything and I intend to enjoy this for as long as possible.

Let’s seize the moment and enjoy it right here right now.

Now I have finished writing I can wipe the floods of tears that have poured down my face while writing this away and relax and enjoy this unique afternoon.


Jo said...

Sweet Herrad, I know this damned thing is at it's worse right now--I wish I had some words of comfort for you....

My wish for you is that the progression slows down but my GREATEST wish for you is a cure.

I promise to keep fighting.

Stay only as strong as you can--your loved ones are there to help you through this.

Peace, love, happiness and health,

Rain said...

I'm so glad you have your true love by your side!

JC said...

I am so glad you have Ritchie.
In this crazy world, at least something went right for the two of you.
I hope today is a good one for you.

Peace Be With You said...

Blessings to you both.

Diane J Standiford said...

What of those two years the best is yet to come! In my first years with ms, I went through such things as not being able to use my hands, eyes, feet legs, and could not drive or write, I could not hold a book, I could not hold a pencil, and could not lift a pencil, my speech was slurred and I had bouts from vertigo. (to name a few) if you haven't already tried this, I seriously suggest solumedrol. The two of you need to love each other, make each other laugh, and never give up. This too shall pass.

Muffie said...

Herrad, you are so fortunate to have Ritchie (and he you!) Your love for each other outshines all the dark days of this nasty disease. Both of you are such an inspiration!

Travelogue for the Universe said...

A wonderful post as always. Keep your caregiver tight. He needs you too.Love, Mary

Shauna said...

We all go through the "What ifs?", wondering about our partners and how they are affected. So consider yourself normal in that respect.
And consider yourself above normal as you two talk about these things. Many people don't.

By the way, I love the pics, as fractals are amazingly beautiful and they're math as art. I love math.

Glad you can let yourself have a good cry then carry on.

And thanks for the award the other day. will publish it this week.


Webster said...

I'd bet that you help Richie as much as he helps you. Your attitude is so remarkable. Oh - tears are a renewable resource. There are always more where those came from. Tears can be healing too. I always feel better after a good cry.

This sudden change for you has me wondering if you have a bladder infection, or maybe a touch of the flu as you mentioned. Your hand problem came on pretty suddenly - there has to be a reason why, and not just MS worsening. Can you get it checked out?

I was wondering why I haven't been doing very well the past few weeks, and today I got the call from my urologist's office that I have a bladder infection. So onto antibiotics I go.

Libby said...

herrad, i totally agree with muffie! reading about you & richie makes me happy to know there's still love in this world, no matter how $hitty we feel!

Herrad said...

Hi Jo,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your sweet comments, cheers me up to see them.

Hi Rain,
Thanks , so am I, never thought I would find one either.
We met when I was 38, can't believe that is 20 years ago seems so quick now.

Hi JC,
How nice of you too come by, you are right in this crazy world something went really right for us when we met.

Hi Judy,
Blessings to you too.

Hi Diane,
Thanks for coming by, I have Primary progressive so things do not come and go they just seem to go.
Thanks for the tip, I will ask my doctor but do not think that solumedrol is for PPMS.

Hi Muffie,
Thanks for your visit and kind words, we are indeed very fortunate to have each other.

Hi Mary,
Thanks for your visit, lovely to see your comment.

Hi Shauna,
Thanks for your visit and your encouraging and supportive comment.
Glad you like the award.

Hi Libby,
Thanks for your visit and your sweet words.

Thanks everyone for coming by, really appreciate your comments.
Hope today was a pleasant day for you all.
Keep warm.

M.S.-Understood said...

like it was mentioned before, it is great that you have a strong partnership. i worry the same things with my husband and child and worry what if i do get worse. I may have RRMS and it is easier than what you are dealing with but those questions do occur alot. it is great that you allow yourself to express yourself here and have support. you impact people in ways you may not realize and i do wish you the best and believe you will have a moment where everything will calm down for awhile so you can relax and enjoy your life. (granted i prefer a cure more)

good luck with everything

awb said...

thanks Herrad, your post, and your email have made me feel better, and make me understand where my place is, thanks,


Herrad said...

Hi M.S.-Understood,
Thanks for coming by,and thanks for sharing your worries, I always try to stop myself getting getting ahead and worrying about '' what if ''.
Easy to do but not good, causes stress which is bad for your health and especially for MS/

Hi Andy,
Thanks for coming by, really glad to know that my post and mail were helpful for you.
You are a wonderful man, who has a great relationship with your partner.
Hope you feel well enough to enjoy her and your family and friends.
Take it very easy one step at a time.

Thanks both of you for coming by.
Lovely to see your comments.
Really appreciate your visits and friendship.
Keep warm and positive.