Good Intentions.

Roberto Matta.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Roberto_Matta  

A Slow Day.

Andre Breton/Valenine Hugo.


http://nl.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andr%C3%A9_Breton

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine_Hugo

Feeling very slow today after a late night; I woke in discomfort, due to my pelvis being twisted one way and my torso the other way.

My head was leaning to the right at an acute angle which was not comfortable as soon as I woke.

It is amazing how much movement my body still has even though I am totally unable to move my body at all. 

Every morning when I wake, I am curious as to where my body has shifted to in the night; how I wish I could move around again.

I never sat still for very long; I was always getting up and doing something, usually as soon as I had sat.

How I long to be able to move independently again, I would love to move my torso, to bend from my waist.

Be good if I could lift my right arm and touch my head, these days even that is not possible nor can I get the fingers of my right hand up to my mouth.

To do that I would need to hold up my right arm with my left hand which is extremely tiring, only manage doing that for seconds.           

I am aware that my situation has progressed this worries and makes me sad bit will not stop me making the best of everything I can.                                                

Today Is A Beautiful Bright Day,

Alasdair GrayFaustin His Study1958.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alasdair_Gray

I found it very difficult to stay optimistic yesterday because it was such a struggle for me to do anything.

My arms would hardly move, it was difficult to hold my beaker to drink or to hold the vaporiser bag to inhale thc.

I found this very depressing as being able to use my hands and to raise my arms is important, difficult to contemplate losing even those basic functions.

Not being able to eat dinner myself is difficult, eating yourself is so important, I never realised quite how important it was until Richie has had to do it for me.

It was not just my arms yesterday, but also my fingers which would not work, they flopped about and I could not get them to do anything that I wanted to do.

I tried my best to find a picture for yesterdays post but had to give up and leave looking for a picture until today.

Today everything is working; I got a picture for yesterdays post, edited the Dutch version and getting today’s post written.

Today is a beautiful bright day, with sunshine and blue skies, it is lovely to see, a huge much needed boost for me.

Not Easy But It Is My Best And Only Option

Spike's New Wheelchair.
 

It is getting very cold here already 2 degrees here which has not happened for many years.

Since 2000 the winters have been milder and damper, so snow falling briefly and it being this cold already in November has not happened here since 1993.

Just sent a reply to a mail I received from a lovely friend whom I met at a yoga holiday in Devon in 1973.

Can’t believe that is 37 years ago, that saying ‘time flies’ is so true, 37 years ago we met at this wonderful holiday in lovely Devon.

Very good to still be in touch with Pam, keeping in touch with friends has always been important for me.

Guess it must have something to do with leaving Trinidad like we did, where I was not told we were going for good.

I just thought seeing as we had been to Europe twice on holiday that was what was happening again, I was actually looking forward to seeing my German cousins.

But not at the expense of all my friends and big family back home in Trinidad, would have been pretty upset had I known, but would have written down friends names and addresses.

As it was I did not have an address book with all my friends’ addresses and I never heard anything from any of my many friends after we left Cascade, Port of Spain, and Trinidad in 1962.

Still wish that somehow I could find people who remembered me in Trinidad, be so good to hear from my childhood friends from Port of Spain.

It was not nice at all, suddenly having no friends was horrible, remember it well, and guess all these thoughts have been triggered by Pam’s mail and thinking of all my friends

Feeling very sensitive today, tears have been shed at the loss of all my important childhood friendships plus the loss of movement in fingers, hands and arms and my torso moving too much.

Very worried that since the supra pubic catheter operation my condition seems to have got worse.

I now need even more adjustments in bed, than I have needed, as I am constantly moving and slumping as well as my body getting very skewed, it is not easy sitting in bed anymore..

Not nice to feel my hands, fingers and arms not functioning as well as before the operation, very scary especially thinking that relatively soon those functions will cease altogether.

I am very scared, but as there is nothing that I can do to stop the progression of this incredibly unpleasant and unpredictable disease.

So I am trying my very best to keep calm and remain cheerful and positive and enjoy the moments, not easy but it is my best and only option.