Thinking about the future beyond next week or next month is worrying as do not know what sort of state I will be in at the end of the year.
Already hell of a diffence with this time last year, can see that Martin, a dear and good friend who is visiting, finds it difficult to deal with me being in bed and needing so much help.
Though he tries not to show it we can see that its not easy for him, but despite that he manages to handle it all very well.
Treats me just the same as always which is very appreciated by us both.
Martin was here last year when we could go down the Ten Cate market together, me with the electric handbike attachment on the wheelchair which was good.
This year I am in bed struggling to feed myself, my hands getting useless, very hard to manipulate things with them and huge loss of strength in my back muscles.
All worrying stuff and lots of questions such as will I ever be able to sit again after the sore has healed and even how long have I got before I can not do anything at all and before I have breathing an swallowing problems.
None of which can be answered will just have to wait and see and do my best to keep as fit as possible and as positive and enjoy everything I can.
Bloody hard and can't cope without crying every day or so especially today after seeing photos from 1984 and 1987 that a very dear friend sent me today.
Will wipe my tears now and try to regain my equilibrium.
5 comments:
crying beats keeping it all inside. Cry away! It's good for you.
We can't help but worry about our tomorrows, and that is ok just so long as you do not get lost in them that you miss out on todays.
Chin up, Take care,
Anne
Hi! herrad. I've never had a chance to read your blog much. There are so many of them and I get tired easily.
It 's a good blog.
The only thing I don't like about crying.is my eyes get so puffy, otherwise it's good therapy.
I notice you like Captain Beefheart
Gee I thought only my ex husband was into that band. Cool ! :)
OK going back to my blog to post a link to yours.
Bye
Carole
Crying is cathartic, Herrod. Your sore is healing. You'll probably be sitting up, and back in a chair in no time! Think of all you have learned from this, and may you have the good, great fortune to get a proper chair with a proper cushion so this is less likely to happen again. I will send you good energy. Can you feel it?
The way you manage to keep so positive most of the time whilst never hiding from the reality of the situation is inspirational.
We share our tears sometimes and sometimes we cry seperately. When our tears are dry we move on. Martin was great to have around. A true mate. What ever happens I will go on loving you.
herrad i have swallowing problems now.scary? yeah,but you learn to cope hun,dont give up.have a bloody good cry.im also worse than i was a year ago,but i hope,n pray sometimes,i wont get much worse due to age.with MS you never know.you doing great,be positive,youve a great carer and partner.between you you will cope.take care,mort.if you look on my blog theres an MS tag,got pain feel free to snag it.
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