Thinking about the future beyond next week or next month is worrying as do not know what sort of state I will be in at the end of the year.
Already hell of a diffence with this time last year, can see that Martin, a dear and good friend who is visiting, finds it difficult to deal with me being in bed and needing so much help.
Though he tries not to show it we can see that its not easy for him, but despite that he manages to handle it all very well.
Treats me just the same as always which is very appreciated by us both.
Martin was here last year when we could go down the Ten Cate market together, me with the electric handbike attachment on the wheelchair which was good.
This year I am in bed struggling to feed myself, my hands getting useless, very hard to manipulate things with them and huge loss of strength in my back muscles.
All worrying stuff and lots of questions such as will I ever be able to sit again after the sore has healed and even how long have I got before I can not do anything at all and before I have breathing an swallowing problems.
None of which can be answered will just have to wait and see and do my best to keep as fit as possible and as positive and enjoy everything I can.
Bloody hard and can't cope without crying every day or so especially today after seeing photos from 1984 and 1987 that a very dear friend sent me today.
Will wipe my tears now and try to regain my equilibrium.