Been very down at times and it is not surprising with something like primary progressive MS.
It is very strange to lose so much so quickly at the beginning it really shook me and made me feel useless.
Could not bear to look at myself.
Realised that I was feeling useless because that is how it is seen in the capitalist system, you are either able to work and therefore useful or you are unable to work and seen as useless.
Not being able to work really shook me and my self image became distorted into a useless, sexless handicapped thing not even a woman a nothing.
That was how I felt then a little while later when I dared to look at myself in the mirror again I saw that yes I am disabled but still me still the same spirit the same love for life and for other people.
Decided that I would have to find some of love for myself so that I did not get sucked down into depression and surprisingly I managed glad I did as it has made life better.
It remains a weird thing though to contemplate that time does not stretch endlessly in front of me and that it is finite.
This is a reality for everyone but you get to contemplate this as a more immediate reality with a progressive disease such as MS.
Knowing that I do not have too long to live is a strange thought and one which makes me sad especially as I hate the idea of saying goodbye to my darling Richie.
It's horrible but it is also good as it helps me to really make the best of the here and now and enjoying my life.