My life is full of pain and discomfort now but I must live with it. Finally today after getting more and more upset over this last month at not being able to go outside I have been able to come to terms with my reality of pain and discomfort. Have had to say yes that’s how it is and I have to live with it. Its not going to stop me going outside, I need to get out and smell the air, feel the sun and see people and my darling Richie quickly says spend some money.
Still really shaken up about being thrown backwards over the wheelchair by that sudden spasm which thrust my foot back and my body backwards. Scared the shit out of me especially as there is nothing that you can do to pre-empt spasms happening, can’t be aware of something that happens so unexpectedly and unpredictably. Certainly can’t take any precautionary action not with spasms, certainly not that I know of.
Had a huge howl today and told my darling how desperate and low I felt since I had not been out for a month and we both concluded pain or not I had to go out so we did there and then and it went ok really switched my mood from gloomy and depressed to happy and looking forward to going out again tomorrow to the market for cheese and to buy a birthday present.
Did have to take a 2mg diazepam to reduce the spasms and it seemed to do the trick. The last time I went out a month ago the spasms were so bad we only got about 50 meters from the house so today has been a good day and I an looking forward to a few more this coming week.