Monday, March 22, 2010

Enjoy everything I can enjoy.

Italian Art.

Just reading about stress and burnout on Ran’s blog @ Towards Happiness

Reading her post made me think of 1989 when I had to go off work sick.

Guess I suffered a burnout in 1989 when I went sick from work stressed to bits, recognise the symptoms Rain lists.

Lethargy and apathy and depression are horrible, could not sleep at night and could not get up in the morning, instead I wanted to sleep during the day.

Was off sick with stress from 1989 until 1998, in 1990 I decided that I needed to do something totally different.

So I did something different and went to the UK and did a Certificate of Higher Education for one academic year near London.

Then did a degree course, the Certificate of Higher Education meant I got let off the first year of my Criminology degree.

Realised once I was at Middlesex University that it would have been better to have done the first year.

I did the BA and then an MA in Criminology then came back here to Amsterdam.

Tried to get work with my qualifications, had wanted to work in prison aftercare.

Encountered such a clique and such a jealousy atmosphere I left and did something different again, this time I did an IT Helpdesk course.

Got work on an IT Helpdesk and was working on the Service Desk at my last job when I fell several times in one year culminating in breaking the cartilage in my knee.

After a few months hobbling, it became very obvious that there was something else apart from just broken cartilage,

Looking back wish sometimes that I knew then that my walking days would be coming to an end sooner than I thought.

Really shocked in March 2007 just after my birthday, when I could no longer get up out of my wheelchair and shuffle a few steps.

What a birthday present to get, seems to happen every year, my first ‘present’ was losing my balance on my birthday in 2006

Guess I did not realise that the electric wheelchair I got in March 2008 would give me a pressure sore because it did not support my back and the seat was too big for me.

Maybe it is just as well that I did not know exactly what was coming as then I would perhaps have been even more upset.

After all anticipating every progression of my MS would have made it difficult to enjoy the nice things in my life.

See now that at the beginning I was terrified and could not make the best of things as fear had a grip on me.

Glad now that I became aware of the need to not get ahead of myself and spend all my time and energy worrying about what could happen in the future.

I understand that not everyone wants to stay in the moment and be here, right here and now, certainly remember being stressed and depressed when the moment I was in was too painful.

For me now it would be more painful if I did not stay in the moment and enjoy everything I can.

This is important for me and my situation now.


Jo said...

Well said, sweet lady. You are a good example of all that we should embody.

I want to thank you so much, dear friend, for my 'Beautiful Bloggers Award'. I have it posted proudly on my sidebar and thank you so much for always acknowledging my work with the MS Society.

With the MS Walk but a hop, skip and a jump away, I am still TRYING to raise MS awareness as well as fundraising. I'm afraid the economy has crashed and burned with no one wanting -- or able -- to give as much. My only hope is that MS awareness stays alive and well throughout the entire year.

Thank you for always posting your honest truth and keeping us all enlightened.

Keep staying the strong, sweet lady you are.

Peace and serenity.


GoBigGreen said...

Good morning!
such good advice. I have trouble staying in the present sometimes and this is just another message to keep working on being present, every minute is a gift.
Hope you are feeling good and i hear there was homemade ravioli?? whoa, yum!!

Kris said...

I agree with you Herrad. Embrace what you've got at this moment. great advise! have a beautiful day!

Rain said...

I know those symptoms well. It can be so debilitating, it was for me, and sometimes still is unfortunately. But yeah, we have to live in the moment Herrad, be as positive as possible. But you know that!

Linda said...

Hello Herrad, I'm so sorry to have taken a long time to thank you for your blog award. Generally I'm very bad at doing things with awards, which of course doesn't reflect at all the thought that goes into them from the donor.

I've been reading back through your blog and find myself cheering you on.

Happy belated birthday - it's the same week as my daughter's!

Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach said...

Very well said Herrad! I completely agree.... You know - sometimes I'll go back and look at old pictures of myself and think, "Wow - I really did look good..." whereas at the time, I remember feeling very badly about myself and the image I was projecting. Very important lesson to live in the know and enjoy what we have!

Thanks for posting your thoughts Herrad - you are amazingly insightful... I hope that Spike is recovering well!

Stephany said...

Have a wonderful Tuesday, Herrad, if you see this before sleeping on Monday, I hope you sleep peacefully.


Travelogue for the Universe said...

Great post. Love, Mary

Erika C. said...

Thanks for the inspiration. I have a friend, a colleague in a job I had in NYC many years ago who had MS. She hid it from everyone, especially from our bosses. Until finally she had to tell them. She was such a mentor to me at a very difficult time for me in my career.

Somehow, I think her pushing through such amazing challenges made her such a wise and deep person. I miss her and wonder how she is.

Anyway, wishing you well.


Webster said...

Have a happy Tuesday Herrad! It's Spring; It really is Springtime now. I went to PT today, and when I look at my exercise sheet I think of you and another friend of mine for inspiration to do my exercises. You impress me with your dedication to yours.

Living in the now is not an easy thing to do, but it is the best thing to do.

Herrad said...

Hi Jo,
Thanks for your visit and kind words.
Lovely to see your comment.
Hope the MS Walk successful.

Hi Julia,
Lovely seeing your comment, thanks for coming by.
The ravioli was great and so was the chocolate rum/raisin ice cream.

Hi Kris,
Thanks for your comment and visit.
Hope your day is good today.

Hi Rain,
Thanks for your comment and visit.
We do need to be aware daily that here and now and being positive is best.

Hi Linda,
Thanks for your visit and comment, nice to see.
Also for your birthday greetings and encouragement.

Hi Marit,
Thanks for your visit and comment.
Lovely to see your comment, thanks for sharing.
Spike is recovering very well he is an incredible dog, insisting he walk to and from the dog toilet.
The wound is clean and healing nicely now, think progress so far is good.

Hi Stephany,
Thanks for your visit and good wishes.
I did see it just before sleeping, and I did sleep peacefully, hope you did too.

Hi Mary,
Thanks for your visit and supportive comment.

Hi Erika,
Thanks for your visit and comment.
Your ex colleague and friend sounds like quite a woman.
Shame you have lost touch with her.

Hi Webster,
Thanks for your visit and comment.
Great news that the weather is getting better where you are.
It is spring here too, another sunny day, mind you we are expecting rain for the rest of the week.
Hope it blows away.

Thanks everyone for coming by and leaving comments very much appreciate them.
Have a good Tuesday.