Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Silver Lining.

Modern Dutch Art.

Yesterday at the end of what was a good day, my hands and fingers suddenly could not function well anymore.

The moment that I heard the door close behind Richie and Marleen, my right index finger stopped working and I could not do a thing apart from admire the picture on my desktop.

It was a horrible especially as it lasted for the hour and abit that Richie and Marleen were in the park.

Just before they got back I managed to open and move a card in a game of freecell, this was quite an achievement.

It was only one card but it felt good that I could do that, had to get Richie to pay the television subscription as I could do anything again,

Once the bill had been paid Richie hoisted me out of bed and in to the shower chair and took me through to the bathroom.

After Richie washed me he rolled me back into the bedroom in the shower chair for my 30 minutes on the Motomed machine.

When I was back in bed my index fingers and my hands were working again, oh the joy of a functioning index finger.

Losing the function in my index fingers is something that I dread, but it is beginning to be a reality, it happens every day now, usually just before being hoisted out of bed.

Once I am back my fingers work again, long may it continue.

But I am realistic enough to know that this coming and going of index fingers and hand function usually means that it will stop soon.

That is the reality that is how it happened with my legs, I started having problems walking any distance in April 2006.

By end of November my walking days were over, I could still get up and shuffle a few steps holding on and sit in a chair.

Could still be independent then, and do everything for myself which was good, guess with hindsight I knew it was all coming to an end.

Just had hoped to be shuffling for a few years more, big shock at end of March 2007 when standing up and shuffling a few a steps to sit on a chair or the toilet or the shower chair bcame impossible.

Until the end of March 2007 I was still showering and dressing myself and making myself a couple pieces of toast for breakfast.

Would sit happily in the kitchen with dogs then roll to the pc in the front room and spend the morning there until Richie got in from work at 13.30
Even though I was stuck in our apartment on the second floor without a lift, I was still happy as I could still shuffle those important 3 steps.

The day that stopped was a huge shock, luckily I had absent minded slipt the phone into my pocket and could ring Richie and get him to come home and rescue me.

This happened several times and then I had to accept that I was not going to be able to manage on my own
That was when we had to use the home care services, which were no longer as good as they were before the service was made a commercial enterprise.

It was mostly a nightmare having different people coming to the apartment three times a day.

Some care workers were very good and others were shockingly bad, 4 really hurt me using the hoist badly and strapping my feet so badly in the Motomed that I got blisters and then the skin came off m ankles luckily it healed within 6 weeks.

Glad that finally because my MS had progressed so much I now needed constant care, this entitled me to get a disability allowance so Richie could stay home and look after me fulltime
This is so much better than Richie working and also doing everything for me as the care workers preferred to do the minimum.

It is a lot of work for my darling, I do appreciate very much that my darling is here with me looking after me.

The silver lining for me is Richie and his love and care.


Rain said...

I'm so glad that you have Richie! Your realistic outlook is so inspiring Herrad!

Herrad said...

Hi Rain,
Thanks for coming by and dleaving your sweet comment good day.

Stuff could always be worse said...

Yes so glad you have Richie, and you have a good outlook

Herrad said...

Hi Kim,
Thanks for your visit and comment.
I try to keep positive b ut it is getting to be more of a challenge now
Have a good day.

Stephany said...

Hi Herrad, I will hope with you that your fingers hold out as long as possible. I hope you have a pleasant evening.


Herrad said...

Hi Stephany,
Thanks for your visit and comment.
I hope that my index finger keeps working too.
Have a good afternoon.
Lo ve

Friko said...

all that and no self pity anywhere.
You are an inspiration, dear Herrad.

Joseph Pulikotil said...

Hi Herrad:)

You are really an epitome of courage and bravery. The way you present your health problems as though they are nothing leaves me doumbfounded. Here I am moaning and groaning over small petty things and reading your post I feel ashamed of myself.

My prayers and best wishes:)

S.S-O said...

i'm so happy for u that u have Richie! Keep smiling!

Travelogue for the Universe said...

What a great tribute to a great caregiver and your best friend, too! Glad your are a little better.Have a great week.Love, Mary

Herrad said...

Hi Friko,
Thanks for your visit and kind comment.

Hi Joseph,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your comment.
Please do not ever be ashamed about what you describe as petty things, if the are bothering you then it is not petty.

Hi S.S.O,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your lovely comment.
I am very happy to have Richie in my life.

Thanks to the 3 of you for coming by and leaving your nice comments.
Nice to find your comments, really ,made me happy.
Have a good afternoon/evening.

Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach said...

Hi Herrad-

Richie is wonderful, beautiful, amazing...the love that the two of you share is incredible. Hugs to the BOTH of you! I'm sending your finger good vibes to hang in there!

PS- My favorite picture that you posted is the first - the soft brush strokes and the windmill...beautiful!

Nancy said...

This must be so hard. I just cannot imagine. Thank goodness for the wonderful man that you have in your life! Blessings, love and light, to your dear Richie!

Webster said...

Herrad, I do admire how you look at your life so unflinchingly. You teach us all so much about how to live with MS (or any bad situation.) I hope your hand function lasts a good while longer. I'm sure there is more technology out there, but at what cost?

Rah Rah for Richie! He is your rock. And he's a good cook! That's a bonus. He probably kisses well, too.

Meg said...

I'm so sorry you are having to go through all of this Herrad. I'm really glad you have Richie.

Bibliotekaren said...

The relentless progression of neuro disease, sigh. I hope you hang on to those fingers as long as possible -- that's huge.

So glad you have your guy -- makes the whole difference.

Anonymous said...

Thank you for being.

Maybe all that I am able to say. Thank you for being you and the great teacher you are.
A wonderful Friday for you all.

weeble said...

I'm sorry for the distress your misbehaving finger is causing you. Your acceptance of "what is" is humbling. I thank you for this post and the effort you put in daily for this blog.

Here's hoping for golden linings to come.

~Erin~ said...

Richie is so wonderful! I hear so much about husbands or partners leaving after an MS diganosis. It is just horrible.

I just wish there was a cure for this horrible debilitating disease and you could jump up out of that bed, and go do whatever you would like. Someday, right?

Take care of yourself, and Richie extra hugs today, k? You are such a wonderful person Herrad, never forget that.

With love and hugs,

Herrad said...

Hi Marit,
Thanks for your visit and sweet comment about my darling Richie.
Thanks for your good vibes, my finger is doing good right now.

Hi Nancy,
You are right, it is hard but with Richie supporting me life is still good.
Thanks for coming by and leaving your comment.

Hi Webster,
Thanks for your visit and your lovely comment, the bit about Richie kissing well made me laugh, he did too.
You are right he does kiss well too.

Hi Donna,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your comment.
Neuro diseases are shit aren't they, everything is constantly changing, it is like living on shifting sand.

Hi Robert,
And I want to thank you for being you too.
You give me another view which is brilliant because it is yours.

Hi Weeble,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your kind and supportive comment.
Good to see your comment.
I love posting and communicating with you.

Hi Erin,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your sweet comment.
There was alot of kissing and hugging and laughing today.
I too wish there was a cure too for all of us.
That would be better than winning the lottery.

Thanks everyone for coming by and leaving your kind sweet comments.
You are all special to me.
Have a good weekend.