Monday, March 01, 2010

Take a Chance on Life.

Winter Olympics Vancouver 2010.

Remember having a good laugh the day I suddenly realised that life was happening now and this was not a dress rehearsal for the real thing.

For some reason I thought I had to be perfect, was always discouraged from trying things at home, my parents did not like experiments.

Experiments meant the very real possibility of things getting messy, and they did not like messy.

They liked things being well organised and tidy, no loose ends, everything sorted and folded and neat.

Shame that my parents discouraged me from experimenting, notice even now the effects of not being encouraged to try things out.

Not easy trying things if you were discouraged from doing so at the time when you should be learning all about experimenting and improvising.

Life is all about trying things out and improvising, it is about making decisions, some of which can have amazing consequences.

Like whether or not to have children, I decided against as I did not want to recreate history, should have understood that this was not automatic.

Only realised much too late that I would not have done things just like my parents had done them, somehow thought I would automatically do what they did.

Silly of me to think that somehow I would be doomed to re create the same situation, forgot that I had a lot more input than that.

Glad that I did not give myself a hard time about that, it was difficult to move on but there was no way that life could carry on without moving on.

Reproaches and recriminations are not what I needed; they would just have made the pain worse.

Now I think it was a shame that I did not have children, but luckily I moved on and enjoyed what else my life had to offer me.

Glad that I did this now, good to live right here and now and not in the past or even in the future, my parents I can see now, did not like living in the present time.

Time had to be controlled; it could not be left to its own devices as that would go wrong.

As far as my parents were concerned everything had to be controlled and nothing left to chance.

Shame as life does throw up many chances; many opportunities if you keep your eyes open for them and take a chance on life.


Rain said...

Hi Herrad! Lovely set of photos, it was nice watching the end of the hockey game together last night! :))

We have yet another thing in common. I was discouraged and humiliated whenever I tried new things, the one thing that stuck in my mind was sports. I tried softball, swimming and figure skating. But when I didn't have perfect games or scores, I was humiliated and ended up giving up. I remember being made fun of when I wanted to start jogging for health when I was a teenager. Terrible. So much potential was lost. I used to dwell on it very sadly, but you're so right, we just can't do that anymore.

Stephany said...

Hi Herrad, thanks for sharing your personal stories and wisdom.

Have a nice evening with Richie and the doggies!

Webster said...

Many things you express so well resonate with me as well. I was the last after four boys. They came in pairs; 14 and 16 yrs older than me and 7 and 9 yrs older than me. So naturally I was a little spoiled. But the reverse of that was that I was pretty much raised as an only child. As a result, I decided as an young adult I wasn't going to have children.

I could have excelled at so many things because I was given chances - but I wasn't really given a lot of positive reinforcement. They thought they were, but it never was in ways that felt like I was doing really well, just that I had "potential," a word which I still hate today.

Have a good day and stay cozy.

Herrad said...

Hi Rain,
Thanks for coming by and leaving a comment.
It was good fun watching the hockey game together.
Got very tense.
I agree with you that so much potential gets wasted like that which is a huge loss for us all.

Hi Stephany,
Thanks for coming by and reading and leaving your comment.
Hope you also have a good evening.

Hi Webster,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your comment.
Agree with you that you need positive reinforcement in order to do well.
Potential is not my favourite word either.

Thanks all three of you wonderful people for coming by and leaving your comments.
Hope you have a good day today and tomorrow.
Keep warm.

Anonymous said...

Hi Herrad: You are able to state in a few words what takes me eons to write out. I need your editing skills! LOL

Coming from an abusive home, all I ever heard was that the abused grow up and abuse their own.

I was determined to break that mold and I was not going to deny myself children in the meantime.

You said it well.....our input makes all the difference.

Hope you are having a good week,
Love, Anne

Herrad said...

Hi Anne,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your comment.
Lovely to see your comment come in just now.
Thanks for your positive feedback and for sharing your story.
Have a good ay today and an even better one tomorrow.
Keep warm.

Nancy said...

I agree with your assessment of life. Children should be allowed to make messes and create. My oldest was always making these terrible "potions" that she would insist we taste! LOL

I like to think we can heal our own childhood by being the kind of parents we always wanted. I know there is a "cycle of abuse", but it doesn't have to be.

Living in the moment is so important, because it truly is all that we have.

Travelogue for the Universe said...

Great post! I bet you are a mother figure to someone. I never had my own children because I could not bear to watch them fall or cry, be hurt, disappointed. Love, Mary


I know exactly what you mean.

But anyway, werent the olympics awesomwe? I am a little depressed noe that it's over.

Meg said...

Hi Herrad. Thanks for your post on my blog. I love this comment as my husband really struggles with this same issue. He came from a good home but from super controlling parents who were scared of the world and now he struggles very much with taking risks and letting go of things. As a child he was taught to be scared of everything and now as an adult he is having to unlearn that installation and really learn to let go and enjoy life. It's not easy for him but he's doing a good job.

Herrad said...

Hi Nancy,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your comment.
You are right there are cycles of love .
Wish I had thought of that at the right time.

Hi Mary,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your comment.
Thanks for sharing your story.

Hi Jim,
Thanks for your visit and comment.
The Winter Olympics were great we are also deflated now they are finished.
Will miss hem lots.

Hi Meg,
Thanks fro coming by and leaving a comment.
Nice to see your comment, thanks for sharing some of your story.
Difficult to unlearn things, very difficult indeed
And taking risks when you have done your best not to is a hard one.

Thanks you 4 lovely friends for coming by.
Have a good day.
Keep warm.

Have Myelin? said...

Great post. You are right that life is not a dress rehearsal for the real thing, it is now.

I think we forget that most of the time.

Take care.