Monday, June 14, 2010

The Sun Is Shining Again Today.











Modigliani.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amedeo_Modigliani

Going to keep this very short today, woke up crying this morning, after awhile got a nasty headache.

It was not a good night last night I got upset because Richie was upset, and then I said something which I did not mean which upset him alot, and me too.

Sadly once I had said it, I could not make it unsaid, no matter how much I wanted to and I really wished and still wish that I could take those stupid insensitive words back.

Feel so stupid now, this week I have had some moments of being very down, moments when I realised again, that my life now will only consist of short periods out of bed, but basically mostly being in bed.

Knew that I would not ever be able to sit for as long as I used to but somewhere I guess the illusion was still there that I could spend longer sitting in the wheelchair.

Should have told Richie how I was feeling, talking would have helped and would have allowed me to see the positives in life.

But I did not talk; I tried to ignore it after I noticed that it had got me down, hated thinking that I was never going to be as mobile as want to be.

Thing is who am I kidding, I am obviously physically not like I used to be before the MS, I know that and am also happy to make the best of everything that I can.

Somehow this little dip, as they call a down moment here took me by surprise, starting to come out of it again.

Am reappraising things now and can see that all things considering things are not as bad as I thought they were.

A kiss from my darling has cheered me considerably and really lifted my spirits.

Whatever happens with this disease, I am still me and my darling is still here with me and the sun is shining again today.

All in all life is good.


14 comments:

Stephany said...

Herrad, last I knew you were a human being! and under quite a lot of stress, being trapped in your body with an illness you cannot control----that right there is enough to send anyone into a human moment of saying something regretful, and I'm sure Richie is human too!

HUGS to you both, you're both working hard to make the best of a shitty situation, that's the reality.

No more worries about it, you deserve to give yourself a break from worry.

You've already done a brilliant job accepting what has happened, and I admire you for that.

HUGS

Stephany

Lisa Emrich said...

Herrad,

Sending a humongous HUG!!

Lisa

mortonlake said...

i know what its like herrad.i am no means anywhere as badly affected as you,but i also get those blips.funnily enough i have also at the moment.i think we go through these phases,hopefully tomorrow the sun will shine again.we make do with what we have herrad.because we have to.you just take care,love mort xx hi to richie.

Charisa said...

So sorry you can not do all you want to. Hope your day goes better!

Darlene said...

I have the song "Tomorrow" in my head while thinging of you. You have inner strength that lifts you. I send you a big sunny hug and love over the miles. Smile

Muffie said...

Herrad,
So sorry for your "down moment." We all do it, the healthy as well as the not-so. Don't beat yourself up -- just enjoy what you can. Remember your motto of living in the present.
Peace,
Muff

Herrad said...

Hi Stephany,
Thanks for your understanding comment.
Good to be reminded that I am only human, seem to forget.

Hi Lisa,
Thanks for the hug really needed that.

Hi Mort,
Thanks for understanding, you know how the blips hit hard.
You are right we make the best of it all.
Take care too.
Thinking of you.

Hi Charisa,
Thanks my day go better.

Hi Darlene,
Thanks for the sunny hug and love.
Big hug back.

Hi Muffie,
Thanks for the reminder not to be hard with myself.

Thanks everyone for coming by really needed the welcome support.
Big hugs .
Love,
Herrad

ρομπερτ said...

A beautiful ode towards life and love. May it continue to provide as much a sunny side as possible for you two.

Webster said...

Today I am starting to feel like "Will Summer ever come? Will it ever warm up around here?" Alas, another week of so-so weather is due. Makes me pretty grumpy too. I think I have been off-putting toward my DH because of my bad mood.

Unfortunately, I don't talk myself out of it as well as you do. You are Superwoman! You are Aphrodite! There is no way Richie will blame you for a few words you didn't fully mean. See, already things are better.

When your weather gets nicer you will be able to go out more often, for short trips around the neighborhood. It will be bliss. You'll see.

steve said...

Don't forget to have a make-up snuggle. No matter how much we hurt each other during the day, I lived for wedging myself into that twin hospital bed for a few minutes of snuggling at night.

awb said...

We all open mouth, insert foot,it's a gift to be aware of it. Good to "see" you Herrad.

Andy

Herrad said...

Hi Robert,
Thanks for your lovely comment.

Hi Webster,
Thanks for your sweet comment, lovely words.
Summer is not as good as last year, do not mind it not being 30 degrees but 26 would be nice.

Hi Steve,
You are right getting close is good.
Wish we had a double hospital bed.

Hi Andy,
Thanks for your comment, you are right we all do it.

Thanks all you lovely friends for coming by.
Amazing how easy it is to put your foot in it and say something you do not mean.
Good to be reminded I am only human.
Your comments are appreciated.
Love,
Herrad

Gerry said...

It must be very hard to live with such impairment when you are still young and miss what you used to have more acutely. I was mourning my loss of mobility this morning at nearly 79 but thought well I must expect to lose a little more all the time with age, but I am still not in a scooter or wheel chair and can walk about, just not as far or with as much vim and vigor. I am sure it must all get to you at times and make you cross in spite of yourself. But you have such a wide intellect still, so much more ability to appreciate the great artists than most, and that is still with you. The pictures by this artist you have chosen for this entry are so unique, distinctive. I so enjoy your display of art. I kept going to your blogs where you are no longer active and did not realize what a display of art and photos you put in this one. I was distracted by the blog name. I have been reading Sherry's blog ever since she lost Nicole as I was so touched that she would have to undergo that kind of loss as well as have MS. I am always looking for blogs I relate to, and I love art and photos as well as intellect and ability to write. I apologize for dropping your blog before and not keeping up with such a fine effort. You are already cheering me up with the range of your mind! It still works very well. You are lucky to have such a beautiful mind.

Herrad said...

Hi Gerry,
Thanks for your visit and your very kind comment.
Sometimes things get unbearable and I can't cope, always remind myself to stay in the moment and not get ahead of myself and worry about what may or may not happen.
That always helps me and all the support I get from lovely friends like you give me such a boost.
Love,
Herrad