Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Last night I was reading other blogs and came across a delightful post on Celeste Maia’s blog
http://maiasintothemoonlight.blogspot.com/ called Lunch with Isabel.
It is a delightful post describing lunch plus exquisite detail about the menu for her special friend and beautiful photos.
Really enjoyed reading it until I read about being transformed in the summertime
‘’ Ah, summer, we all become Chagall nymphs. ‘’
Again it hit me real hard that I will not know that transformation anymore, no more painting my toenails and organising my summer wardrobe.
No pretty sandals and finding my favourite shorts and making sure my bathing suit is still ok, no none of these activities will occupy my time this or next year or any other year.
It is not as if I did not know this already always takes me by surprise how painful these sudden realizations can be and are for me.
It is like I have just had a shock and then keep having delayed reactions for the next years really weird to be so shocked and upset anew eveytime the realisation of my situation hits home again and again and again and again….
I regained my composure somewhat and even managed to dry my tears so Richie did not get upset when he came to get me out of bed.
Was ok until we were getting ready to go to sleep when I started howling as I realised that this is the one situation where there is no reward for perseverance and following instructions.
We are doing everything that the nurse tells us to and Richie is following the instructions to the letter and I do the exercises and eat well, a lot of fish as that is good for promoting healing.
So we do everything we should and abit more but the return we would like will not happen.
We will never hear the doctor or nurse saying there is great improvement, she can expect to regain control over ………….
It really is amazing how many stories we do tell ourselves, somehow there is always the hope that the unexpected will happen.
Don’t believe in miracles, never have but somehow I have been hoping for something to happen.
Something unexpected to occur, that’s when I realise that even though I do not believe in miracles I would not mind if one happened.
Seems it is not easy to get rid of remnants of superstition that they cling on unnoticed and emerge to cause grief every now and then.
Well in the light of day I can see the effect it had on me last night, being tired and discovering that I still hope that I could get up and pick up my mattress and slink off.
It ain’t happening it made a good story but that is about it.
Have to accept that the situation I am in will not be resoled in the way we would like.
That leaves me with the only viable option which is to stay as positive as possible and as open and receptive as possible to life.
It is a warm slightly sticky day will get Richie to organise how I am lying and turn on the fan for me and I am all set to enjoy the afternoon.
Going to stop by and watch the Osprey webcam in Scotland, the link was given to me by Joan @ Joan's New Musings
Here is the link to the Osprey webcam