Sunday, July 12, 2009

Gareth's Garden in Wales.

Both Richie

and Mary

have pointed out that I am very hard on myself and I am, and it seems no matter how I try I can’t stop.

What I do now is as soon as I notice that I am giving myself a hard time by constantly reproaching myself I try to stop thinking the thought.

It is very mechanical at the start but like anything can be learned, easy to forget that and to expect it to all somehow come naturally.

And if it does not, easy to spend time reproaching yourself,

I have spent and still do spend too much time on reproaching myself for things I could not possibly be responsible for.

Not easy to stop those thoughts

Not easy as these thought tend to repeat themselves, like a file that has not been dealt with, best way I find is to divert to thinking about something else.

Start to think about the things that I can do something about and concentrate on what I can do and not on what I can’t do and will never do again.

Useless to beat myself up for things that I can’t change, that are in the past, so easy to spend time on the past when the present is all around.

Would not be good to ignore the present and concentrate on the past, by putting the past to rights I could miss out on now.

Right now it is not the nicest looking days, the sky is grey and overcast, there is a huge damp grey lid on the city.

But still the kids are outside playing football whenever the rain stops.

Like that approach, things may not be perfect but they can still be enjoyable and that is the important thing.

It may rain all day and keep people indoors under shelter but as soon as the rain stops they are all outside again.

Life is like that and that is why I try to enjoy what I can and anytime that I can.

Since I have been in bed I realise that I am still processing memories that I made while I was still mobile.

I am not mobile now and notice that I survive these days on memories of things, have memories of Amsterdam, of cycling around the city.

Notice that placing particular streets is starting to get patchy as my memory of where a road may be gets hazier.

The way to keep everything fresh is to move around town and interact freely with others, I know that this is something I may never do again.

That is a scary and a sad thought, if that did become reality that would be very sad indeed.

Have to put other things in its place, found some Amsterdam webcams and spent sometime watching them.

Was amusing for once but not the answer, the answer is something I already do which is go online and read what others have to say.

The blog world is good, really enjoy dropping by other blogs and seeing how others are coping, like

Amelia over at Tales of Life with Multiple Sclerosis

She has just had her first infusion of Tysabri and she also gives herself a hard time as does

Stephany at Soulful Sepulcher

Visited Cranky at Musings of A Cranky Caregiver

and Lucy at What Life is about.

and Rain at Mountain Mamma

and Debra at

Went to see how Amy at Word Salads the Demyelination of Me is doing, it is a month ago her 34 yr old daughter Nicole died

Visited Robert at To navigate through life

And Joseph at Life in Motion

And Kparthasarath at Random Thought

What a journey and I am still in Amsterdam.

Really makes the day for me when I visit other blogs feel my world gets expanded.

Well have a good evening.


Anonymous said...

Hi Herrad!!! I'm glad I can bring a bright spot to your day. Did you see my smiling tree today? It should give you a giggle at the least! I took your idea and started to watch some webcams traffic-cams of Prince Edward Island; it makes me happy to see what's going on over there! I hope you have a pleasant Sunday evening!!

Herrad said...

Hi Rain,

You certainly do lift my days.
I loved the smiling tree and you next to it looking so happy and well.
Have a good evening.
Love Herrad

ps sadly can't post pictures Blogger is being abit strange

Lucy said...

You are only human Herrad. Don't be so hard on yourself. Easier said than done.

Stephany said...

Hi Herrad, I read this and as your words definitely described me, being too hard on myself, I thought wow, here Herrad is again teaching me something about this, and then to see my name on the "we're too hard on ourselves list" (ha ha!)reminds me again to stop trying to be perfect and give myself a break. I really wish I could rid myself of this constant damnation, and am trying, as you are too.

It's cloudy here so far this morning, and we had a little rain and thunder, it was 80 yesterday so its a nice reprieve from the heat, we walked Koda last night and that was nice.


Herrad said...

Don't know what is happening but can't post photos can't get to dashboard it is all abit weird tonight.

ps this is a test

Herrad said...

Hi Lucy,
It is easier said than done, we all do it I think.
How are your tomatos?
Have a gfood evening.

Hi Stephany,
Think we are all too hard on ourselves and we do not need that.
By the way do you have fruit and veg in your garden?
Really love the photos of those beautiful plates and the delicious things on the plates like the apricots and goat cheese!

Hope you both have a great evening.
Seems the problems with Blogger are now over.

Joan said...

These cameras must be wondeful for you if you fancy one of ospreys in Scotlnd from the nest I can give you the link. Have a good evening, Love Joan

steve said...

Howdy Herrad -

Thank you for taking such good care of Richie. I bet the two of you screaming in unison is a lovely sound, indeed.

Herrad said...

Hi Joan,
Would love a link to an osprey webcam.

Hi Steve,

A lovely sound indeed.

Have a good Monday.

robert said...

Cogito, ergo sum. I think, I am.
Good morning Herrad, first of all would like to thank you for your comment and for mentioning my site within your latest entry.
About thinking, well, many times I spend whole nights with it, searching for a single word, about a sentence, fear, joy, life. Would miss it very much, as it has become a part of myself, sometimes even a refuge.Please have a nice week.

Herrad said...

Hi Robert,
Thanks for coming by and quoting Descartes.
Really do enjoy the blog world and glad that I am fortunate to have met you and others like Rain and Stephany and Lucy and Stan and Lille Diane and JC and Celeste Maia, and Steve and Mary to name but a few.
Had to try to stop quick there before I produced a huge list.
It is late here it is 2.30 already we are watching a program about the West Indian Cricket Team.
Have a good week.

Lucy said...

I tried to leave a comment much earlier and it wouldn't let me. Hope you are doing ok. Love the pictures, and Herrad, don't be to hard on yourself. I understand so well what happens with the god awful MS.

Herrad said...

Hi Lucy,
Thanks for coming back, don't know what was happening earlier but Blogger went abit strange for awhile.

I am doing my best to not give myself a hard time.

But it is difficult to stop, am really doing my best.

Good to get your comment this MS is total shit.

I am glad I am still here very aware now that things can change and things can end so very quickly for us all.

Intend to enjoy and make the most of what I got.

Hope to have a good week hope you do too.


Stephany said...

Hi Herrad,

I have mint, and lavendar and chives, haven't planted any vegetables or anything, am just enjoying things that have come back year after year in my flower pots (my mint is 20 years old, and moved from house to house in a pot)

I really enjoy painting the pottery, it's relaxing and I paint from what I see around me that I always look at, those dragonflies and things, are those small wonders that brighten my day.

I saw an eagle today, very big, soaring overhead so close, it was amazing.

Celeste Maia said...

Hi Herrad, I have been having trouble getting your blog. The moment it opens I get a note saying it will close. And it does. So I try again and again at different hours, the same. Today, miracle!, no problems. So I have been catching up and I get sad and happy reading your entries. I wish I had a magic wand and could make you happy. So no magic wand, but I can still tell you how inspiring your blog entires are to me, how you say things that I feel but have not been able to articulate, how you go straight to the center of things (can I say that?) In Spanish there is an expression that says you go straight "al grano", to the grain. That's you my brave Herrad!
Hugs and love, Celeste

Rhapsody B. said...

Lovely Garden, on catching the thoughts, thats actually quite good. Eckhart Tolle in a New Earth talked about doing just such a thing. If you have the time read it, I think you'd find it interesting.

Take care and have a blessed and peacefilled week.

Herrad said...

Hi Stephany,
Mint and lavender and chives sound good, mint tea is a good summer drink and lavender too as well as smells great and the bees love it.

Your plates are really lovely, the d ragonfly is beautiful and so full of movement.
Fancy seeing an eagle should be getting a link from Joan, to an osprey webcam in Scotland.

Hi Celeste Maia,
Blogger has been strange yesterday and I could do very little too.
Glad you got in today good to see your comment.
Al grano seems the best way to do things.

Hi Rhapsody,
Thanks for the name will look him up.
A garden with your own produce is one of the best things a dd a few chickens bliss.

Have a good week everyone.
Big hugs.