Saturday, July 25, 2009

I am going to enjoy the moment.

In a total contrast to yesterday this morning has been very pleasant, we have had a very gentle and peaceful waking up.

I did wake with my usual little cry of pain, but that happens each morning as consciousness means that once again I am aware of the pain.

Richie got it soothed pretty quickly with some THC and then he got his morning coffee and drank it here in the bedroom playing with the dogs and chatting to me.

It has been very pleasant indeed, half way through he did the leg exercises and leg massage, after which he leaned and applied cream or a very nasty little yeast infection in a fold at the top of my left leg.

Happens because I am in bed so do not get good ventilation around my body; sweaty weather makes me damp and that collects in little folds in the skin.

You get more of these when you are in bed for awhile so it is good to be very aware of nasty yeast infections.

Think we did not notice it on time, I because I did not feel anything and Richie could not see it in the shower chair.

So from now on Richie will check the top o my left leg on a daily basis even after the infection has gone.

For now the treatment stings like crazy but have to endure as that is the only way to lose it quickly.

This hurt like hell last night when he applied the cream, felt like he had dripped acid onto my skin and I screeched appropriately.

Was really dreading him applying the cream today and knew it would happen after the leg exercises and was dreading it.

As it turned out it was not as bad as I had expected and yet in some ways it was also even worse.

Really so very glad that I never felt all these months of having the pressure wound treated and dressed, this happened twice a day for the first months.

Hated the routine but there was no way around it as it had to happen otherwise the wound would not heal.

Really was not prepared for how painful that was last night so much so that I nearly burst into tears.

Yesterday was a very emotional day and not surprising after pooping in the bed, incontinence is something we all dread.

Bowel movements are so fundamental and so personal and for it to not work as it always did is very disconcerting indeed.

And that is putting it very mildly indeed.

Have learned over the past 2 years that all the things that were personal are no longer personal as there is nothing that I can do on my own.

Richie helps me with everything even with my bowel movements, the lack of personal space and autonomy was really shocking at the beginning, not that I do not notice it now as I do.

It is that now it does not feel like a stab in the heart anymore but still gives me an ache for when I could be independent.

Oh well things can always get worse and I guess they will but for now I have given p looking into the future.

Now, right now the sun is shining and the sky is blue and there are happy kids screeching in delight on our street.

I am going to enjoy the moment.


Anonymous said...

The 2nd and 4th pictures were grand.

I know you never expected this blog(or desired it) to be guidance thru example...but it is for me. ~Mary

Anonymous said...

Hi Herrad! Nice to see you're having a pleasant day! I really enjoyed the video...brings back some memories of visiting Amsterdam. I remember really enjoying a flea market, I think? And of course the canal! Have a great day!

Herrad said...

Hello Mary,

Thanks for coming by and leaving a comment.
I certainly never intended any such thing.

This was intended as somewhere I could tell my story and write it away from me and get it off my shoulders.

Have a good Saturday.

Herrad said...

Hi Rain,

Thanks fdor coming by, hope you are having a good day too.

Glad you liked the clips of Amsterdam thoguht they were a nice thing to post.

The flea market is on the Waterlooplein not far from our favourite coffee shop the Basjoe, across the canal from the Basjoe is a nice hostel.

Have a good afternoon/evening.

Anonymous said...

When you're out and about, will you take photos by the market for me? :) I have zilch plans for today, muscles are still mad at me after the mountain climb, lol!

Herrad said...

Hi Rain,

Found 3 pictures ofd the Waterlooplein for you, they are the first three pics.


Herrad said...

Hi Rain,
Just posted 3 pics for you.

Anonymous said...

Oh thank you!!! Wow...the third photo...with the yellow building in the background, my ex took a photo of me in that spot because there was that building behind me in the photo too! Sad though, I lost pretty much all of my photo albums in a fire in Montreal a few years back! That was before digital! But they are locked in my memory, thanks Herrad!

Herrad said...

Hi Rain,

Glad you liked the pictures and pleased one was a spot you recognbised.

Stephany said...

Hi Herrad! Hope you are having a pleasant evening, and am wondering what magic Richie has cooked for supper.



Taxingwoman said...

Hi! Herrad.
The incontinence is a bitch. I had to leave work early last week because of it. At least nobody asked any embarrassing questions. It is quite startling to have everything coming out of me (a triple whammy!!) and I have no control over it

Ahh the Swans are lovely
Talk to you again soon

Richie said...

I sometimes find it hard to enjoy every moment of the day but I intend to enjoy the entirety of the experience. Incontinence is a dreadful thing for any one but I know it must hit a women of such dignity as yourself very hard.
I am glad I can make it an easier experience for you to put with.
It is a shocking situation to be both robbed of privacy and denied intimacy at the same time. It is a strange course for our relationship. That's what happened.
We can cope together.

Herrad said...

Hi Stephany,
I have had a pleasant evening, hope yours is pleasant too.
Richie made delicious meal of courgettes, tomatoes and fresh basil and little pieces of fried halumi (cheese from Cyprus you can fry) served with cous cous and desert of apricot tart.
It was very good and we drank pomegranite juice.

Hi Carole,
I agree it is really horrible being incontinent, hate not having any control.
Richie is brilliant which helps me tremendously.

Hi Richie,
You make it much better and help me to not lose control and make it all worse than it is.
Trying to write without tears is difficult like now where my glasses are splashed with tears as I read your sweet comment.

Thank you for all coming by and leaving a commnt.

Libby said...

herrad--i so love all your pictures & videos you share with us! i feel like i'm getting to travel around the world with a friend giving me a tour, so thanks!! i hate the fact that incontinence is even a part of this sucky disease, it's just adding insult to injury.

Herrad said...

Hi Libby,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your sweet comment.
Think your blog and your lovely photos may have inspired me to start putting photos on my blog.
I remember loving your photos on your blog, they gave me a good idea of where you live.
As we can not physically visit each other I realised photos would be the way to remedy that.
I enjoy looking for pictures for my blog with you and others like you and Webster, Carole,Stephany, Lisa and Anne in mind to name a few of you lovely people I have been so happy to have met. here in the blogsphere.
Well got to go it is 3 am shock horror.

Joan said...

Hi good you are having a pleasant day you sound so positive which is great. Your city is so picturesque would love to get my camera out there. All those bikes great. we are always threatening to buy bikes but never seem to gate there. Would love a wander round the flea market looks a great place to spend a morning.

Celeste Maia said...

I really enjoyed the video, it was a treat for me, thank you Herrad.
I am glad you are having a pleasant day. And the dinner Richie cooked sounds delicious.
Yes, enjoy the moment! That is what I am doing this quiet Sunday.