Monday, July 13, 2009
Think that my determination not to endlessly reproach myself might be working at last.
Woke up this morning and the first thing that happened was I did not start reproaching myself, which was really amazing.
Richie got me some THC as he heard me moan as I woke and he also could see and hear my legs kicking around because of the spasms.
The THC made the spasms weaker and then less frequent, but they did not stop altogether, one pulled me down the bed.
Could see my feet touching the end of the bed, at that moment my arms locked solid and I decided that it was best to do my arm exercises.
This as always loosened up the muscles in my arms and I could lie here quite peacefully even managed to weave all the sounds from the street into my dozing dreams.
Typically just when the street went quiet and I was drifting off to sleep again Richie got up and I realised that was the end of sleeping.
Shame if only my arms and leg had not been so active I might have drifted off after inhaling the THC.
Still great Richie got up when he did as he massaged my legs and did extra leg exercises to ease the tension.
It was very noticeable that there was considerable tension in my legs this morning that is something that happens regularly.
Very changeable weather again today, very much the sort of weather you would associate with April and not middle of July.
All the seasons seem to be mixed up now, guess that is global warming and that is the price we are paying for the rampant consumerism which is I guess needed in order to keep the economy ticking over.
Was listening to the BBC World service this morning about the situation in Burma, how the dictators would not let Mr Moon from the UN visit Aung San Suu Kyi who has now been twenty years under house arrest.
Richie then switched over to Radio 5 and we heard about a Libyan man who was one of the many anti Gaddafi groups who were invited to base themselves in Britain in the 1970’s.
Then they were given offices and all the facilities they needed to run their propaganda campaign against the Gaddafi regime.
This intensified after the police woman Yvonne Fletcher was shot dead during a siege of the Libyan Embassy in the 1984.
Then Britain were anti Gaddafi, this changed once they needed Muammar al-Gaddafi
Who was seen as the Muslim leader who was not aligned with El Qaida and therefore the West needed his contacts to mobilise against Bin Laden and El Qaida.
Seems various people have been under house arrest since 2005 when Gaddafi became a friend and as Richie put it at that moment the Libyan State and Libyan rule of law was being applied through British courts.
Jack Straw, the Home Secretary is in fact acting for Gaddafi in keeping the man we heard about on house arrest.
He has not been told what the charges are against him just that it is secret, so he was asked to plead guilty to something he and his lawyer do not know what the charges are.
A strange affair and all because they wanted to get closer to the dictator Gaddafi.
On a more micro view of the world I really enjoyed having another look at my childhood with Richie; his comments are very useful and have given me another piece of the puzzle.
Think that I have finally worked out why we had to leave Trinidad when we did.
In April 1962 Independence from England was imminent and I guess my parents panicked and decided to move to England really quickly.
Shame they did not try U.S.A of Canada or even Australia, although do not think they would have taken my dad as he was too dark skinned.
Also finally worked out after talking with Richie, that my parents were very hurt individuals, my dad lost his mother when he was young and so his father and two sisters, the aunts raised the children.
His father seemed to only be around to discipline the boys and dish out castor oil and cod liver oil and other heavy laxatives at the start of the long holidays to purge them and then again at the end of the holidays.
For the most part he would be travelling around dispensing justice as a District Magistrate and the children were in the care of the aunts.
During the war there was always the prospect for my father of being called up to go and fight in Europe.
For a pacifist a horrendous prospect indeed.
Also for a father of a young child it was a huge relief when peace was declared in 1945 just as his second daughter was born.
By 1949 my father’s first wife met another man and divorced my father.
This was frowned on by the Catholic Church who excommunicated my father, in such a small island not a good state of affairs.
My mother was born in Germany in 1925 and lived through the war years at home
in Eschweiler, the First World War had killed quite a few relatives and in the Second World War my mother’s mother was killed by the one of the last air raids before peace was declared.
The trauma of the WW 2 plus personal traumas meant that both my parents were very hurt when they met in post war London in 1950.
Both were free of their home environment, they met and had fell in love and next thing my mother was pregnant.
They returned to Trinidad still two hurt individuals with not much in common and the prospect of a child.
After some time the hostility from the church, which had increased because my parents had married in a registry office, made them decide in 1962 to get out to England.
So finally the mystery is solved for me of why we had to leave Trinidad.
I can leave it all in the past and concentrate on the present which is sunny weather toward s the end of the afternoon and the prospect of a pleasant evening.