Wednesday, July 01, 2009

Woke up, and just as I realised that I was awake I started to cry like a baby, it was an involuntary howl of despair and pain.

Richie was right over to me, putting his arms around me and stroking my forehead and kissing me gently.

The crying startled me too and it has made me realise that it is an automatic thing that is happening more often.

Makes me realise the big effort that I make in keeping positive and doing my best to be here and now and not be putting something automatically off to another date.

Think rain checks can often lead to bad habits which harm yourself only and that is an important message that I needed to learn..

Glad I started this blog in 2006, at the time I was in shock about the MS diagnosis, really glad our friend Cecile suggested starting a blog, as it was a very good suggestion.

At the time when I heard the words ‘’ Why don’t you start a blog’’ this filled me with panic, and then I got super worried, thinking what could I possibly have to say?

And who would want to read this and surely I am not good at writing could not possibly express myself well.

And so it went endless questions and panics until the day when my local pool which had just opened again after an expensive rebuild could not accommodate handicapped swimmers.

That was when I realised having a blog was having a voice and being able to use it, suddenly could really understand why a blog was good.

Now I can’t imagine my life without my blogs and the blogs I read.

My friend Cecile, who recommended I create a blog has got a blog
and is involved with Streamtime .

Both are very interesting and well worth a visit.

Have just encountered two more blogs that I really like one is Joan’s blog

Joan lives in Scotland, love her photos of flowers and birds and glimpses of the Scotland.

And the other is Chessie’s

Love the motorbike rides she goes on and the photos she takes o0f her trips.

It reminds me when I had a 250 cc Greeves, motor cycle, had a great time riding around on that bike.

Went to the Grand Prix Races at the Isle of Man in 1973 which was great fun, recall that after the days racing we would do the course and try and match the racers, well in our dreams we could beat them!

Lovely memories.

Despite the heat which has intensified all the pain and discomfort to an almost unbearable level I have still had a lot of pleasure already this week.

Seeing Marianne on Tuesdays is always a pleasure, she is such a nice kind woman, a real sweetheart.

She works with pre school kids and I am sure that they really love her; on her first visit in 2007 we went to the shops and the market.

On the way there we passed a group of young lads, all between 13 and 15 trying to look tough, until they saw Marianne and then it was cries of ‘’Hallo Juffrouw Marianne’’ turned out it was boys she has looked after at the crèche.

Thought this spoke very highly of Marianne if tough teenagers were delighted to say hello in public, mind you for all the pretend toughness they were sweet kids.

They even had abit of a verbal dispute as to which one would hold the shop door open for us and bade us farewell with huge beams.

You could see that they felt really good as a result of our encounter as we did too.

Think that is what we all do for each other, we acknowledge each other and each others story and that is the valuable element of the blog world we all validate ourselves and each other.

Our stories matter and need to be put there for ourselves and for each other.

Have a good day.


Rain said...

Hi Herrad! That story of the teenagers made me giggle with guilt, because I could have been one of them. There was only one person I would ever acknowledge publicly and that was my history teach Patty Potter. I loved her name! She had such a great act going, walked around the class like a drill sargeant, had a crush on Fidel Castro too, crazy lady! She suffered from fibromyalgia. She never judged me and when I wanted to do my research paper on anarchy through the ages, she encouraged me. I went to her apartment one time because she had stacks of books on that subject and lent them to me. Who knew Miss Potter was a closet anarchist?? I smelled pot and she noticed, and told me very frankly that it helped her physical pain, and that it wasn't for recreational use. I respected her so much, I kept her secret, but she really wasn't hiding it. That was 20+ years ago when it was not legal for medicinal use yet.

Anyway, your post brought back a nice memory of her! Hope you have a very nice, cool day Herrad!


Libby said...

good morning (here, anyway) herrad! i'm sorry it's so stifling hot there this time of year, that really sucks for it to be like that in the best looking months! here today, it's actually cold (to me) & rainy...won't go above 67 F on July 1st!

Celeste Maia said...

Hello Herrad, I was up all night to find new blogs and decide who the winners would be for the wonderful A Hoy Award you gave me. Receiving this Award from you has given me a lot of pleasure! I would love to have your postal address, because there is something I would like to mail to you. Here's my email address: Please come to my blog to see how I presented the Award and who are my winners. Hugs, Celeste

Jen said...


I'm glad I found YOUR blog. Your story likely inspires many on a day-to-day basis. I know it inspires me.



Cranky said...

Herrad - your strength continues to impress. Thanks for the background on starting your blog and what triggered it.

Have a great day.

Herrad said...

Hi Rain,
Glad my post brought back pleasant memories for you.

Patty Potter sounds like quite a woman, a real free spirit.

Hi Libby,
Sorry to hear its cold and rainy where you live that sucks too.

Hope it is pleasanter for you tomorrow or maybe even later on today like around now.

Hi Celeste Maia,
Had not expected you to chose the blogs so soon after you got back thought you would take it easy.

Went straight away to your blog and was very impressed with the 5 blogs you chose they all look interesting.

Shall visit them all.

Hi Jen,
I am very glad I found your blog too.

Hi Cranky,
Hope your day is a very good one and you got a quiet moment at the start with a cup of coffee and your sweet pups.

Thanks dear people for coming by has given me a real boost.

Joan said...

Thank you so much for the mention it was kind. Motor bike my Dad had a motor bike and sidecar and we we ravled all over the UK and even managed to Switerland in 1953 wonderful camping holidays we had. It has been very hot here to today about 28 up here and for us thats hot. Sitting in front of a electric fan just now and also have a feather on by my side. Hope you are keeping cool they say it will cool over the weekend so that may be you too. Take care Love Joan.

Herrad said...

Hi Joan,

Was very pleased to mention your blog which I enjoy very much.

Your Dad's motorbike and sidecar sound wonderful, how brilliant to go on camping holidays on a bike and sidecar.

And all the way to Switzerland too!

I have an elactric fan pointed at me all day which helps me survive.

Today was supposed to be cooler but haas been hotter.

Have a good evening.


robert said...

Dear Herrad,
would like to thank you for writing about the way 'how-life-is'.
Close to half past one in the morning over here in Athens, Greece; wife is snoring, kid so far asleep, time for me to discover what my be behind that purple fied, providing access to a site I'd like to enter from now on regularly.
Please have a good night sleep.

Herrad said...

Hi Robert,

Thanks for coming by and leaving a comment.
Have a good day tomorrow.


A.Marie said...

Hi there! I found your blog when I was reading comments on Anne's blog, Disabled Not Dead. I hope you have a great evening (it is 8:28 pm here) and that tomorrow will be a good day for you. I don't suffer from MS, but I do suffer from Crohns Disease and other complications, and I understand how Big the Effort can be, sometimes, to remain positive! I am sending good, positive thoughts your way! :):)

Stephany said...

Sending a big hug your way, Herrad :)

Richie said...

I have enjoyed watching you make friends on your blog- the first bit was just all venting the anger but now it is much more about who you are than what is happening to you- I think you are wonderful and I am so glad your internet friends think that about you too. I am so proud to be with you.

Herrad said...

Hi A.Marie,

Nice to meet you , thanks for the positive thoughts.

Hope you have a good day too.

Hi Stephany,

How did yesterday go, hope you and your daughter had a good time together.

Big hug to you too.

Hope you both have a good day today.

Kimberly said...


Everyy once in a while I think we need a reminder of how strong we really are. Your one of the emotionally strongest ladies I've had the pleasure of getting to know through your blog. Waking up crying is most likely a subconscious release of all the emotions you keep inside. They have to come out, if you don't allow yourself to express them openly they will find a way out all on their own. This time of year seems to be the toughest for us MSers which is no suprise considering the summer heat. Hang in there and stay cool!

Living Day to Day with Multiple Sclerosis said...

Hi Herrad!
I hope you know that your daily blogs, telling the truth about how you are doing daily and how MS is affecting you. Is very helpful for 2 major reasons. You are helping fellow MS'ers have strength and courage to fight and most importantly you are helping to spread the word of how MS affects the lives of people and your own life. There is not enough information out there that helps spread the word about MS and how devastating to someone it can be. Most people (non-MS'ers) don't get it!!! Either because of the invisible symptoms or they just don't want to get it. So Thank You for all you do about spreading the word about MS. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly TRUTHS!!!!!

Many MS'ers want to do something to spread the word or to help fight MS. They just don't know where to begin and of course the MS Association wants donations in a time when we have no money. Not just because of the economy but because of the costs of medications and loss of jobs due to MS along with other things. It doesn't cost a penny, just time to blog about it.