Thursday, November 26, 2009

Dog Therapy.

Absurdist Art.

The other day a friend commented in an e-mail that it was nice to read a more cheerful post.

I would prefer cheerful myself but sometimes my MS does wear me down and the pain gets to me.

But even then I am usually cheerful and optimistic; perhaps my posts are not always upbeat.

MS is not a cheerful topic, it is a subject people would rather not know about either, and quite right too as it is horrible.

Since diagnosis I have sadly lost a few friends who were too scared and freaked out to be able to see me again.

Until I was diagnosed I only had ever heard of one person with MS, and that was my colleague’s sister, at my last job.

Her sister got diagnosed very young and very quickly was fulltime in bed, she got progressively worse and finally could not speak or swallow, her sight and hearing were also getting very weak.

At that point she made it clear that she wanted her life to be ended; in the Netherlands this is possible.

I was very painful for my colleague and her mother and brother, it had been painful for

them seeing her decline as the disease progressed.

We know that this is my future perspective and I and Richie are glad that I too can checkout when it has got too much for me.

Recently I have had a few moments where I almost did not want to wake up again, could almost see the appeal.

That shocked me so much that I started to cry and pretty soon I was howling and inconsolable.

Thinking of stepping out of this life, this existence is quite something, really rattled me, also because I really wanted to go.

It was too much, I was lying here in pain, every thing hurt like hell, crying did release all the anger and frustration that had been accumulating.

Good to get rid of those feelings, bottled up emotions usually burst out at sometime, better have a safe way to release these negative feelings.

Better than letting it drag you down and wear you out, crying at regular intervals when I need to relieve the pressure works well for me.

When this shitty disease gets too much it is difficult for me to be positive but think that I usually manage.

Still do not think you can fight MS like a boxer in the ring, and you certainly can not win.

What you can do is remain in the here and now, and enjoy life.

That is my intention, find since this has been my guiding principle my life has got better.

I am fighting, to keep the functionality of my arms by doing my arm exercises daily, feel that it helps me.

Funnily enough what also helps me is to have a dog on my lap, on the bed or in the wheelchair; it is ls good for the blood pressure.

Spike likes to lick my hands, it is a dog’s way of bonding, and afterwards my fingers can move better, we have been joking about Spike’s magic tongue.

Laughing is a good antidote to the miseries of MS; it worries the dogs but is good for us.


Anonymous said...

Hi Herrad! I completely believe in the power of dog therapy! When I was at the worst of depression, I too wanted out and made plans. The only thing that kept me going was knowing my dogs needed me. That need turned into gratitude towards them and undying love!
Posts can't always be cheerful when your blog topic is MS, I agree. Keep blogging what you feel Herrad!
Take care,

Marit Chrislock-Lauterbach said...

Oh Herrad - This is YOUR blog, your journey... you can write whatever you want. That's one of the true beauties of it, I think. Your honesty and openness...I know that it can't be easy - and my heart goes out to you because of the pain. But never stop being you, or writing the way that you do. I think you're beautiful just the way you are!

Pegs and good doggies are just wonderful...I love animals!

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

dogs are a good thing Herrad. We have two wolf dogs. they are wonderful.
You are wonderful. blessings my friend.

Stephany said...

I have my 4 legged therapist right here and (woof woof!) he makes me laugh at his antics. I got him for my daughter who was having a hard time and then she basically never came home, so guess who the therapy dog worked for?

Anyway, i hope the day was good today, i like having that clock on your side bar so i know what time it is when I write to you. you are about 9 hours ahead of me.

I write a depressing blog, it's full of angst, and it's from my life, so be it. It's what is good about our blogs like these, we can learn from others, see how they cope. i admit my own blog has made me cry.

But, Herrad, your optimism always shows through the words, not to worry about appearing more or something.


Taxingwoman said...

Hi! Herrad
Yes MS is a sucking illness. I try to just keep going. Don't know what else to do. Not much into dogs I like birds You are tight having animals around is good for you.

Herrad said...

Hi Rain,
Thanks for understanding, I can only describe what is happening to me.
Judi Living Life as a Hospice Patient is dying and she describes how she is and someone left a comment that she was just whining!

Hi Marit,
Thanks for your sweet comment, you are right it is my blog and my experience.
Animals are great, the dogs try their best to entertain me and look out for me.

Hi Noe Noe Girl,
You are right dogs are great, have you got two wolfhounds?
They are nice dogs, but then they are all nice.

Hi Stephany,
Thanks for coming by, good to see your comment.
Koda is a good dog, glad he has helped you.

Hi Carole,
You are right MS is a shitty disease.
Having the dogs around is good for me.

Thanks all of you for coming by, good to get your comments.

Anonymous said...

That's horrible that somebody would tell Judi she was whining...that's why I use comment moderation and I don't publish crap like that! People like that just want to create drama and anger, it's terrible.

Herrad said...

Hi Rain,
Judi getting that comment was horrible, she is telling her story which I always feel privileged to read.

Peace Be With You said...

Herrad, let's face it. We were dealt a bad hand on this one. MS is not pretty. We can't expect others to understand, though some try mightily. I sense in you a willingness to find the positive amid the muck ... that's all anyone can reasonably ask of you ... or you of yourself. You're a good person dealing with some daunting challenges ... be kind to yourself. Judy

Herrad said...

Hi Judy,
Thank for coming by, really appreciate your visits.
Also thanks for reminding me to be ki9nd to myself, think we all fo0rget this at times.
Have a good day today.

The Girl from the Ghetto said...

Just found you via Trailer Park Barbie, and I love everything I've seen and read so far. I adore art, love your impressive widgets, and I love reading about other people who struggle with illness. I am sorry that you've lost some friends along the way, that is just terrible. I lost one of my best frieds because I wasn't "fun" and going out dancing anymore, which still angers me all these months later.

I am struggling with my own chronic illnesses and next Monday I'm going to get a brain MRI since they suspect either MS, an optic brain tumor, or damaged nerves due to my faulty nervous system ... perhaps I have the deadly vascular kind of EDS. Not sure which one to root for. I say too bad if we bloggers get a little down on our blogs. I feel it is a theraputic way to deal with all of the crap that gets thrown at us.

A friend of mine went off on me last week because of my latest health related blog post which I thought was so insensitive. We have another friend who has two serious conditions (MS one of them) and she can't stand me complaining about my "lesser" conditions on my blog, so she is poisoning our friends that I'm too focused on everything healthwise. All I know is that I am sympathetic to anyone going through health or even life struggles and if you ever need to be less than cheerful you are welcome to come over and vent on my blog.