Monday, November 16, 2009

Strange Dreams.













Slept finally after lying awake for hours, not sure if my perception is correct but hash seems to keep me awake thinking surreal thoughts.

Once I start thinking sleep seems almost to be an impossible dream, keep feeling drowsy like I am just about to drift off.

But each time it was another false alarm and I did not sleep, just lay here with my eyes closed tightly.

Finally woke Richie and asked for some THC, which did not help me, certainly did not seem to help me for several hours.

Only knew I had slept when I was woken up by a huge leg spasm and arm cramps, this happened when I sneezed.

Have had a reoccurring dream, where I actually organise Richie’s new apartment for him.

When I am dead Richie has to move out of this apartment as it is for someone in a wheelchair, he would have a year to find another apartment.

Because I am sure he would not want to be here without me and knowing he would have to leave would I am sure be horrible.

So in my dream, I researched this well and found out that our landlord have a few apartments locally for people in this situation.

They could in fact offer Richie something close by on the canal behind us, with a small garden.

So good for both Richie and the dogs, somehow this dream has reassured me that my darling will be alright.

Read somewhere recently that it is easier for the one dying rather than the one left behind, can imagine that is true.

Really wish that I can now stop worrying about my darling Richie and how it will be when I am not here.

Guess I won’t know that and that is my answer, I won’t be here physically to do anything for my darling so have to leave this topic well alone.

Have to give myself a break, can’t keep thinking these thoughts as they hurt me so much, and there is no good solution.

The only good solution as far as I am concerned is that I do not die and instead live forever.

And in a way I will live forever, for as long as I am remembered by my darling and other friends.

I guess that is how we all achieve immortality.

In the here and now I am right here enjoying the last rays of sunlight and listening to Richie playing the banjo ukulele.




18 comments:

Rain said...

Hi Herrad, I think your dream is very reassuring. I hope you're enjoying your evening.
:)xxx

Herrad said...

Hi Rain,

Thanks for coming by and especially for your reassurance.
The evening is starting well.
The clouds lifted and the sun shone until 4pm now it is 5 pm and getting dark quick.
Have a good afternoon.
Love,
Herrad

Have Myelin? said...

Herrad- it is easier on the dying than the ones left behind. Far easier. I am the one left behind so I understand your worries.

There is a proverb- “Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.” I try to remember that when I get really upset....but the truth of the matter is one misses the ones that leave us too soon.

I think the best gift you can give your darling is to love him as much as you can.

Noe Noe Girl...A Queen of all Trades. said...

Herrad, the two words I tell my darlings are..."Be There." Because I will be waiting for you on the other side. ((hugs))
<><

Herrad said...

Hi Sherry,
Thanks for coming by and sharing your comment.
Can't stop crying today, it is a wet day inside today.
Will do my best to love my darling while I can.
Have a good afternoon and evening.
Love,
Herrad

Amrita said...

Herrad I hope you get sound sleep tonight

JC said...

Think of it this way .. at least he has had all this time to be prepared for what will happen.

Some people get no time to say Goodbye ... car accidents, heart attacks ..

He'll be ok with his memories of you.

You enjoy your day and don't worry about those things.

Just have a nice day ... enjoy the moment.

Stephany said...

((HUGS)) Herrad, I think your dream was a very good and powerful tool for you, because you know you will be in his heart, while he sets up a new place and yes, you are right, you will live on forever because people in your life will never forget you, and people you have met, like myself via this blog will always remember you too.

I often think of you when I am at the dog park or on a walk, often think of making a sign to hold up for a photograph that says "Hi Herrad" :) maybe i will do that one day soon.

Many, many people around the world keep you in their thoughts and through all of this here you are giving comfort to others and very wise words as you have your own life and struggle.

What a brilliant person you are, truly.

Stephany

susan said...

Writing award for you at my blog with respect....

Herrad said...

Hi NoeNoe Girl,
Thanks for your visit.
Hugs to you too.

Hi Amrita,
Thanks for coming by,
Really hope I sleep well tonight.

Hi JC,
Lovely,to hear from you. and thanks for reminding me about what is important.
Which is right now, reading your comment.

Hi Stephany,
Thanks for your visit and comment, cried so much when I read it, the thought of lots of people thinking about me.
It always surprises me when people like me.


Hi Susan,
Thanks for the award.
It was a wonderful surprise.


Thanks everyone for coming by today.
Good of you to leave comments and share your thoughts.
Hope today was a good day.
Love,
Herrad

Rei said...

That is some amazing artwork you've posted here. I'm simply in awe of it...

robert said...

I hope that you are currently deep in nice dreams.

A wonderful Tuesday afterwards for you all.

Bibliotekaren said...

Herrad,

Beautifully scary photos, reassuring dream, poignant post.

Donna

Peace Be With You said...

Herrad, as my husband is considerably older than I am, I have long had to face the prospect of his departure before mine. It is never an easy thing to consider for him or for me. All we can do is to live each moment today to the fullest, express gratitude to each other, strive for kindness and, when we fail at that, resolve again.
Judy

Herrad said...

Hi Rei,
Thanks for coming by, good to see you comment.
I enjoy finding pictures every day.
Glad you like them.

Hi Robert,
I was very deeply asleep last night./
And today I am still dreamy.

Hi Donna,
Thanks for coming by, glad you too liked the post and the pictures.

Thanks all of you for coming by.
It is much appreciated.
Hope today is a good day for you.
Here the sun is shining.
Love,
Herrad

mortonlake said...

we go on herrad.as someone who is not very religious that comment may come as a surprise.but i know we go on.so,you can stop worrying.just buy me a pint when we meet,take care herrad,hi to richie,love mort xxx

Herrad said...

Hi Judy,
Thanks for coming by and sharing your comment.
You are right all we can do is live for and in the moment.

Hi Mort,
Thanks for coming by and leaving a comment.
Love to buy you a pint.

Thanks both of you for coming by, really appreciate your visit.
Hope today was a good day and tomorrow will be too..
Love,
Herrad

Taxingwoman said...

Hi! herad have to get back to you about the vitamin D as I am doing research myself.
Sounds like things are going pretty good for these days

Can you send me your address ? My email is: carolelanno@gmail.com
I'd like to send you a Christmas card. Don't worry I don't need one back. I just like to pretend I'm Santa.
Bye
Carole