Monday, October 05, 2009

Sunshine Inside Despite Dark Clouds Outside.

Had a good night’s sleep again last night, Richie massaged my forehead and head after which I seemed to go to sleep very quickly.

Did not wake up during the night, so did not wake Richie up which was brilliant, did wake up suddenly as a spasm jolted me awake and my arm locked tightly to my body.

Today is not going to be pleasant as at 3 pm our neighbour Willes and an ex neighbour Jeanet will be here to finish sorting through the huge backlog of post.

Since the beginning of the year I have not been able to deal with the post and Richie is too busy looking after me to cope with anything else.

Feel really bad about this happening, but on the other hand it has happened and I will only succeed in making myself feel worse by dwelling on it.

Must remember what we, Richie and I always remind ourselves , that apportioning blame does not achieve anything, apart from make yourself feel worse.

Feeling worse only increases the feelings of helplessness and incapability and the only result will be an incraes in worthlessness and possibly depression.

Of course I wish now that I had not literally shut my eyes and ignored the post and various administrative things that needed being done.

Earlier this year I was doing my very best not to get sucked down by depression and I guess that worked to a certain extent but at the expense of others.

I know already that it will cost money, which we do not have and that is not going to be e easy to recover.

It will also be expensive because the money that will be used to pay extra surcharges would have been spent on buying THC (weed) and getting warm winter clothing and other bits and pieces to make our lives easier.

Doing my best to not feel guilty and depressed as that would not achieve anything positive; depression is as bad as stress for MS sufferers.

At the moment I wish that I could run away and hide, but if I could do that then I would not be stuck here immobile in bed with useless hands.

And we would not be in the situation we are now; going to do my best to remain as cheerful as possible as anything else would just drag me and us down.

In a way I am very glad that our friends will be around in an hours time and then this will all be sorted out and I won’t have to think about it endlessly even in my dreams.

It is a damp and dismal grey day, difficult to find cheer but will do my best.


Anonymous said...

Hi Herrad! I love the photos you chose today! It's pouring rain here too, and as we discussed, I used my old winter jacket and it's perfect for the cold rainy days! Wow that you had some great sleep! That's a blessing, doesn't happen often that you can sleep through the night huh? Do you think it's the forehead massage that Richie gives you, helps you relax more? Ugh at the mail...I do the SAME thing. I let it pile up. We don't get mail at the door in the rural areas, so when I lived in the mountains, I'd only go to the post box once every few months. And even then, it went from a pile in the box to a pile on my desk, lol. I'm glad you have friends to help you with that, I hope it makes things cheerier for you! Good luck with that task!!!

Stephany said...

Hi Herrad, I understand the dread. Igored all of my mail by the bagfull when my daughter was in the hospital 2 years ago, and it ended up once i began the effort to sort most was unneeded paperwork, but yes the money is needed in other areas. we can only cope with so much and you shouldnt have to worry about this stuff or Richie. Glad you have friends willing to help sort it out.

Hope it all goes well and you have a pleasant visit at the same time!


steve said...

I have unopen envelopes from 2007. I keep them stacked in the office where I stare at them hoping they will read and file themselves. So far only minimal financial consequences. But you are right -- they nag and nag and nag at the back of my mind, uselessly draining motivation that I need for other tasks.

I think I'll join you in "draining the swamp."

Anonymous said...

Last Christmas I got a letter that has become ever since a 'cornerstone of my heart'. There are however other letters which I really don't want to get. Seems as if one can't decide.
Over here in Greece, the mail is either placed in a large box, which belongs to the whole building, so everyone can see from where the neighbour gets mail (which I really hate) or thrown on the ground, which I do hate too, as many times envelops are getting lost.
A new week filled with finding lovely mail for you.

Diane J Standiford said...

Love the photos. I've been down about not writing on my blog and not getting around to reading other's blogs. I try every day, but never make it through. I have books to read, groceries to order, a sick spouse, and my parakeet died. Oh, right, the parakeet died in 1990...sigh We fly together or fall apart.

Webster said...

I have a friend who is going to come over "soon" and help me clean the piles of clothes and saved mail I have stowed in my bedroom. I pay my bills regularly, than save everything, so I have lots of extra paperwork I don't think I need.

So when she comes, I will be gathering clothes that no longer suit me and give them to a charity (Someone should like them!) and then burn the unneeded paperwork while we drink wine, and have cheese, bread and salami.

I hope you will feel great when you are finished.

Stephany said...

Happy Tuesday Herrad! :)