Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Enjoying The Good Moments
Today in total contrast it is grey, cloudy and cool weather with no hint of sun anywhere, looks like we won't get any today.
Oh well will have to make do without, sadly this is not something that I can solve with will power just like MS the sun can not be controlled by us even with all the will power in the world.
Been thinking about will power and how at home my parents tried to tell me I had none, so somehow I believed them and thought that I really had no will power.
They also told me that nothing would ever come of me, that I would never get anywhere in life, would not get anywhere with work.
Quite demoralising to be treated like this, I only realised once I managed to get away and stay away that it seemed like I was being groomed to stay at home.
Pretty much in the position my two great aunts Mathilda and Ida were in with their parents.
Who had decided to discourage their girls from getting married so they would stay home and look after them.
The poor aunts had suitors chased away and discouraged from coming to the house; they were successful as both women stayed at home, unmarried and unhappy.
Guess by now I should have been able to accept that I have willpower but still I think that l was lucky when something worked out, not that my willpower made it happen.
Richie telling me that I have tremendous willpower rather shocked me, but in a pleasant way, as I started to think he was right.
Maybe stopping smoking tobacco in 1999 was indeed willpower, as I decided that I had tobacco to roll 3 ciggies and when that was finished I did not plan to buy anymore.
Recall Richie’s facial expression of surprise and even more surprised when I did exactly what I said that I would.
After a rather difficult month where I temporally lost my sense of humour everything went well, I was even losing weight.
This happened because without smoking tobacco I was getting my sense of taste back.
Did not like all the fat and excessive sugar I could now taste in sweets and candy bars, I also did not like the salt I could taste in chocolate biscuits.
One of the things that always put me off stopping smoking was being told I would put on weight that would happen automatically.
And it did not and I did not want it too, so there again willpower had an effect, from 1999 until January 1 2008 I smoked pure weed joints and pipes.
By the time I stopped was noticing how smoking was causing me problems, could not cough without lots of problems.
Kept getting a congested chest and having real problems to clear it, started coughing a lot which was painful, would take me all day to cough and clear the congestion.
My only choice as far as I could see was to stop smoking which I did, this again meant about a month of getting used to using a vaporiser instead of smoking.
Eventually I got the hang of it and now would not want anything else, could not ever contemplate ever smoking again.
When I read about there could be a possible link between MS and smoking I was even happier I have chosen not to smoke anymore.
Think now that I may not have started if my mum had not encouraged me to smoke and drink with her from age 15, made it all seem exciting doing what the grown ups did.
Now I am pleased that I did what I thought was right for me and my willpower made it happen.
The only thing willpower can’t alter is MS and the weather, will cope with both of these by being optimistic and open to enjoying the good moments of which there are plenty for me to enjoy.