Finding it very difficult to not cry when thinking about Spike, it has made me realise how grief can make it so that the truth of a situation can be ignored.
Always wondered how that could work, when the facts were known, well yesterday finally I understood how that works.
While Richie was out with Spike and Marleen, I was answering mail and reading comments about our beautiful Jack Russell, Spike and thinking about my wee champion.
Suddenly started crying and saying very loudly that I did not believe he was dying, that I would ignore the truth, the facts, that our boy Spike, would not die, not our Spike not now.
Of course could not maintain the self deception for long, knew that it was my desire to have Spike be alive and here with us for another three years and that sadly the reality was going to be different.
Shocked Spike won’t be here snuggling up to Richie when I am dead, that is what I thought would happen.
Thought Richie would have Spike and Marleen to help him, keep him going out and distracted by demanding food, games and affection.
Never once had I imagined that Spike would be ill and it could not be cured by medicine or an operation.
Such a scenario was quite unthinkable, not our super fit little Jack Russell, our athlete is what our vet always called him.
This certainly gives even more meaning to seize the moment and enjoy the here and now.
It has made me more determined to enjoy every moment that I can enjoy, which is what I am going to do and never forget to do ever again.