Thursday, January 21, 2010

Asking For Help.

Pictures of January.

Was just visiting Cranky @ Musings of a Cranky Caregiver and read that she finds it difficult to ask for help.

I too, always found it difficult to ask for help, think many people have problems asking for help but it is actually good to ask for help.

It strengthens and confirms that there are bonds between people, that we are all part of the same tribe.

People feel more valued when they are asked for their help, they feel that they are taken seriously and valued.

Noticed this when I told friends about my diagnosis of Primary Progressive MS in 2006, I found it very difficult to speak about it, for the first few weeks after the neurologists had told us.

Then I was amazed that I often got thanked for telling people and treating them like friends and sharing my news and asking for help.

I found it very instructive that asking is good for all involved, not just the one asking.

Had the idea quite wrongly that asking for help was somehow selfish but it really is not, asking for help gives someone else the chance to shine.

Think it is an important part of our connection with each other, that we let others know we take them seriously and value their friendship and their support.

Sometimes asking for help from Local Health Services can be be very difficult and time consuming and disillusioning.

Mort @ Caring and Sharing has been asking for more help and a care plan from his local health service since last September.

He is caring for his mother while trying to cope with his MS, heart condition and back problems.

Hope that he gets help before he goes into hospital in February.

Visited The Wheel of Fortuna yesterday and saw that BR will be getting hospice care from this week Tuesday

Told Richie and he told me that it made him realise that this is what I also get seeing as I only take Baclofen for my spasms and THC for pain and to help me sleep and every now and then a sleeping tablet.

I guess seeing as the Baclofen is the only pill I get regularly I am more or less getting palliative care now.

Glad I live in The Netherlands and have easy access to THC and when it gets too much I can get help to die here at home.

Better than having to somehow find between 3,000 and 5,000 Euros to go over to Switzerland to the Dignitas clinic.

You have to get there without any help, so I would have had to have gone a few years ago when I could do abit more for myself.

Shame other governments do not allow people to retain their dignity and be able to choose when they will die

Shame that so many do not accept that seeing as we take responsibility for our lives that we should also be able to decide when we die.

It makes sense to me.


Nancy said...

You have left me much to think about here, Herrad. You are absolutely right in so many ways.

Herrad said...

Hi Nancy,
Thanks for coming by and leaving a comment.
Good to get feedback.
Hope you have a good afternoon and evening and a good Friday.
Keep warm.

Patrick@Caregivingly Yours said...

Herrad, thought provoking entry!

Caregivingly Yours, Patrick

mortonlake said...

2 way thing herrad. you help others often by them helping for me,well,funny how social suddenly find an assessor for me isnt care,love mort xx

Herrad said...

Hi Patrick,
Thanks for coming by good, to know your reaction to my post.

Hi Mort,
You are right you often help people by them helping you.

Hope that I have understood you correctly and you will be assessed soon.
Hope so very much as you do not need any stress.

Thanks both of you for coming by and leaving comments.
Hope tomorow is a good day for you both.

Travelogue for the Universe said...

So true all you say. I pray for the black pill option someday. Americans are hung up on death as a failure, an end to all material things. Likewise dodging the euthanasia talk while giving lethal doses of morphine.Still we will endure much pain to live another day, love another day, delay the day our mate loses their reason for being.So much to think about, being human.Have a great day cuddling with your caregiver!Love, Mary

Cranky said...

Herrad - you're right about how asking for help is a gift for the person you ask. It just goes along with my whole "superwoman" thing ... I should be able to get it all done! Ah well, the latest challenges we're having are at least showing me I can't do it all myself.

As always, an interesting post. Glad to get your thoughts.

Anonymous said...

Dear Herrad, thank you for this entry of yours. Have to admit that there were countless times when I'd have loved to ask for help,yet did not do; e.g. taking care of the kid during the night, providing him with medicin when he was ill, other times to be allowed to cancel all lessons of a day when I was sick - countless other, just did not do.
Thank you again for this post, as it provides many thoughts.
Wishing you all a wonderful Friday.

Herrad said...

Hi Mary,
You are right people treat death as a failure.
Death is part of our life, we can not live forever.
Often you can't fix everything we are not cars.
You are also right that Its dreadful how the euthanasia debate is dodged while people are given lethal doses of morphine.

Hi Cranky,
It was interesting to see that asking for help is indeed a gift to the person you ask.
You are a wonderful woman, hope you can give yourself a break from the super woman role.

Hi Robert.
Glad you thought it thought provoking.
It really is good to ask for help try it sometime you may be very surprised.

Thanks all three of you for coming by and getting involved with this post.
Hope your day today is good.

Ana said...

I agree with you Herrad and I have already told my family that if anything happens that leaves me unconscious in a bed living like a vegetable that I don't want any kind of appliance attached to my body.
I discovered that in Brazil we have to have it written and I will do it because I think that it's not life.
I don't fear death, my own, and the person I carried the most, my grandma, died in 1998 because she was 82 years old. I accepted her death and only missed her for one year. Now I think that we will meet and it's okay.
Nobody dies because life has ended. There is always a "clinical reason" even if the person is 100 years old. Cause of death= "any disease".
I am for euthanasia and I don't understand what is wrong with it.
Seriously! I don't understand why people are against it an think about it a a kind of suicide.
I don't even like to discuss with people who are for it because they are so radical that it seems I'm talking to a branch of a fanatical septa.
The only suicide I can't take and fight is when it's drug-induced and the person doesn't know what he/she is really doing.
I've been there and I know the difference.
I didn't want to die but drug-induce suicidal thought exists and I would really like that people were aware of it.
This is the other side of the coin.
They don't want people to know about it because it will also provoke economical problems for those who profit with the selling of this drugs.

Herrad said...

Hi Ana,
I agree if I am a vegetable I too want to be helped to die.
Here that is possible.
I would write your letter and get a couple of people to witness it by signing and dating the letter.
Thanks for coming by really appreciate your visit and comment.
Have a good weekend.

S.S-O said...

I think that sometimes we think that asking for help makes us a burden to others, but it really does not and like u said, asking for help gives another person the chance to shine. I used to try to be a hero myself - and not ask for help - but that only hurts us in the long run.