Sunday, October 16, 2011

Memories Are Very Precious Now.

Dora Maar. 

Writing yesterdays post has made me think about worrying about losing everything, also myself or so it seemed at the time.         

In 2007 it seemed like I was losing so much, at times it felt like everything would be lost to me, my life seemed to dissolve around me.

Glad that has not happened, it just felt like it would, I can see now that it was the speed at which my MS progressed, that worried me so badly.

Not surprising feeling I had lost it all, as I did lose alot, my work, which was my public identity, then my identity as a woman, it was too much in one short year.

My memories are what I have of my life before my diagnosis; I can recall aspects of my life that no longer play any part in my life now.

Only memories of my sexuality, remembering making love with my darling Richie, waking up in his arms, lovely sensuous memories.

Memories, all just beautiful memories now, I wish I could make more of those but sadly can’t, if only my skin were not so over sensitive to touch.

Ever since April 2007 I have had to sleep in my small hospital style bed, on my own, no cuddles last thing at night or waking up in the mornings.

it became too unbearably painful to make love, then too painful to be touched, life changed dramatically, memories are precious now, life goes on, I enjoy it.



Anonymous said...

thanks for sharing.

Kim said...

Memories are very precious. The sensory pain you describe has taken so many things from you that made your life bright. Its no wonder you find yourself grieving these losses. I hope you find some relief. Thanks for sharing so honestly in this entry!


Rhapsody B. said...

Wow, that was powerful, until today it never occurred to me that MS also impacts ones sexuality/sexual intimacy. Thats deep but dare I say there are other ways to still have and maintain some of aspect of that? There are so many ways and levels one can explore. In the past so much was unknown and it was so limiting. Now however the world has opened up and their are so many infinite possibilities, "Tantric Sex" being one of them.

Perhaps am reaching but what can it hurt to find out about?

Herrad said...

hi kim,
you are right,memories are very precious.
mine are treasured now.

hi rhapsody,
thanks i know there are other ways.
i miss cuddling in bed.

thanks for your visits appreciate seeing your comments.