Dark Fire 1980
Oil on canvas
©National Trust/Ithell Colquhoun bequest
Courtesy of Royal Cornwall Museum
When I woke, I was not sure that I would be able to move my arms, for a minute it felt like no movement was possible.
I had to face the facts and accept that my arm movement may stop and scarily this seems to be starting to happen now.
I was relieved when I managed to get my left arm clear, then I could slowly get the right arm out from under the sheet.
Doing this took minutes; luckily I managed to move both arms without my arms or body totally tensing up.
Difficult to describe what happens when my body tenses up and becomes cramped up, it’s very painful; it takes awhile before my body relaxes again.
I am trying to take these developments calmly, this is not easy, I am finding it very difficult.
Not surprising as being able to move and use my arms is something that like everyone, I took for granted.
I am realising now that this function will stop working, horrible to know that this will happen soon and become my new reality.
I am scared about this, I have been aware for awhile that my arm function would get worse, then stop totally, just not so soon.