Friday, July 29, 2011

Just Not So Soon.


Dark Fire 1980
Oil on canvas
©National Trust/Ithell Colquhoun bequest
Courtesy of Royal Cornwall Museum

Ithell Colquhoun

When I woke, I was not sure that I would be able to move my arms, for a minute it felt like no movement was possible.

I had to face the facts and accept that my arm movement may stop and scarily this seems to be starting to happen now. 

I was relieved when I managed to get my left arm clear, then I could slowly get the right arm out from under the sheet.

Doing this took minutes; luckily I managed to move both arms without my arms or body totally tensing up.

Difficult to describe what happens when my body tenses up and becomes cramped up, it’s very painful; it takes awhile before my body relaxes again.

I am trying to take these developments calmly, this is not easy, I am finding it very difficult.

Not surprising as being able to move and use my arms is something that like everyone, I took for granted.

I am realising now that this function will stop working, horrible to know that this will happen soon and become my new reality.

I am scared about this, I have been aware for awhile that my arm function would get worse, then stop totally, just not so soon.


Gerry said...

Have been catching up on some of your blog entries. I am sorry to read that your arm movement is beginning to be very restricted. This disease does seem very bad to have as everything gradually becomes worse. My sister just died suddenly in March. She had a number of surgeries over the years but this was after a toe surgery. They did not do an autopsy but figured it was either a blood clot or heart attack. She was 79. I just turned 80 and don't feel I have any condition yet near bad enough to kill me, but she was very active also, so this must have been about as big a shock to her as it was to me. Imagine, but you are experiencing disability slowly but agonizingly. We all have such different life experiences. Good luck to you with this slow freezing of your limbs. You handle all this so rationally. Makes one think about what life is all about just to read your blog.

Herrad said...

Hi Gerry,
Thanks for coming by,you must be missing your sister terribly.
Glad you are in good health yourself.
This ms is a nasty disease, feeling my body freezing is a horrible feeling.I think life is all about living in the here and now.
Have a pleasant weekend.

Webster said...

Yes, the here and now is all there is, after all. But I agree; It's crummy and not fair to be losing the use of your arms so quickly. Best to stay positive, otherwise your life (Lives, really) would be totally miserable.

Herrad said...

Hi Webster,
Thats all there is for everyone.
I will do my best to stay optimistic.
Good to see your comment.

Travelogue for the Universe said...

I am so sorry you have to go through this decline. I wish you the best and hope your pain and spasticity get under control. Have a great weekend in spite of the pain. Love, mary

Herrad said...

Hi Mary,
Thanks for your visit and kind words they gave me a boost.
Have a pleasant weekend.