Sunday, June 28, 2009
Pictures from Wales from Gareth.
Had a down day yesterday, think that the heat was the main reason for that by early evening really felt I had enough of all of this.
MS really does suck not only do you have to put up with all sorts of shit but it also fucks around with your physical appearance.
Just thinking yesterday how shitty it is, to not only lose the facility to move, but to lose body weight at quite an alarming rate.
My body is totally different now, legs are very thin, and so were my arms, like twigs last August but have built them up abit with 30 minutes exercise everyday.
Sadly can't do quite much for my legs, do use Motomed for the legs for 30 minutes every day.
Just did not expect my body to change so drastically, I was 5 ft 6 inches and medium build.
Now there is much less of me, to me it is like night and day how I look now compared to 2006.
There has been a pretty drastic change then I looked like an attractive woman in her fifties now I look like an invalid in her late sixties.
My breasts have vanished, my bum went last year and my face went quite gaunt it is hard to come to terms with these changes.
Really hard and quite a big shock which is not easy to come to terms with so quickly.
Not easy at all is an understatement if there was one.
Suppose if I look at it logically then I should have realised that being inactive means muscles are not being used and therefore they become slack.
This stands to reason it is just I did not expect such drastic changes in how I looked.
And this of course influences how I feel, which is not happy that my self-image has taken such a pummelling.
Am determined to rise above this but this will cost me dearly and it hurts like hell
that this too has been taken from me.
It is amazing how much the body and the mind can take, quite amazing really.
Have been thinking alot about the past and realise that for me it really is all gone now.
There are lots of questions that have become self evident now especially when looking back and discussing the events with Richie.
Some things for which there are no answers as I can't ask my parents anymore and others because events have long since overtaken them.
Today right now can’t imagine wanting to be around for too much longer not if I am 24/7 in bed, had not realised the effect being in bed has on the body and on the mind.
As the muscles are not being used everything gets slack and starts to ache from the constant pressure of lying in one position.
The mattress constant changing pressure stops me getting pressure sores on the rest of my body.
In some ways I can see that I could survive ok indefinitely in bed if it were not for my muscles.
If it were all down to Richie’s love and care I would be restored now I am convinced of that, Richie’s love and care is absolutely wonderful.
His care has made this very long period in bed bearable; knowing that he is there for me has made all the difference for me.
Think that this very hot and sticky muggy weather is very hard for me and I may also be down because of Michael Jackson’s death.
Will do my best to lift my spirits by reading other blogs and posting comments that prospect makes me feel better and the fan is helping me too.
Hope everyone is having a good day today am determined I will too, perspective is everything think mine is back to looking for the good things in my life.