Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Was in masses of pain this morning when I woke up, started crying and got very scared and worried.

After some THC could cope with the pain as the THC relaxes me vey well, this is good as it means I am relaxed enough to enjoy the day.

It also means the pain is not in total control of me, would find life so much more unbearable without the THC.

Still can’t believe THC is denied BR @ The Wheel of Fortuna.

This morning caught me out thinking about the prospect of saying goodbye to my love and best friend Richie.

Know this probably won’t happen for a quite while but just the idea of doing so makes me very sad.

As I write buckets of tears are flooding down my face which is unpleasant these days as tears irritate my skin.

Am very conscious that I have to keep control of my emotions, which is not easy to do, but can’t let myself get ruled by sorrow and fear.

Have to really keep on top of that otherwise I will be ruled purely by my emotions.

The tears keep flowing, in a way it is good as it does give me some relief, which is so important otherwise I will go mad.

Now I feel alot better for crying and writing my fears down.

Once they are expressed it all feels so much more manageable.

It means that I can enjoy the early evening now all those feelings are no longer bottled up inside me.


Odd Mom Out said...

I think letting your emotions out is the only way to feel a bit better. It won't take away the pain but keeping it all in makes it worse. Sometimes you just gotta cry. :-(

Anonymous said...

Hi Herrad! I hate to hear you were crying, but I know personally the need to cry as a release, blogging has helped me tremendously too. I hope you can enjoy your evening with your love!

Herrad said...

Hi Odd Mum Out,

Thanks for your support.
Have a good afternoon/evening.


Herrad said...

Hi Rain,

Thanks for coming by I am feeling better now but a wee bit drained fom so much emotion.

Have a good evening.

Anonymous said...

Oh gosh, I know that feeling. It is draining, physically, mentally...but I find that after I've had a good cry, I feel relaxed and can sometimes even sleep!

Herrad said...

Hi Rain,

Feel quite tired now am getting new energy form eating chocolate... well it is nice.


Anonymous said...

Aah good, the strawberry and chocolate diet lives on!!!

Stephany said...

Herrad this is just so profound, I'm sorry this happened to you, truly.

JC said...

I'm sorry to hear that you had such a bad start to your day.

My troubles don't even come close to what you put up with physically and mentally.

I am limited due to my headaches .. after my coma, I have a terrible weakness on my right side & headaches ... I live with what I call the 'remains' of being in a coma.

I pretend or try to at least ... that I was not in a coma and that it was just a bad dream. Only I am not who I was and never will be.

To look at me though, I don't think you would know. Except when my face freezes up ... I've heard that my eye goes weird when that happens.

Anyway, crying ... helps me a lot. Only I don't have a lot of emotion .. I think that's the part that that got lost in the coma ... I do have anger though. And, every once in a while it roars away.

Enjoy what you can Sweetie ... that's what I try to do.

Jen said...

Hi Herrad---

The pictures again are beautiful, though sad.

I can relate in a smaller way with the feelings. I wake in the morning and I sometimes think, "It's just another day. I have no purpose ahead of me today. I'm barely working and I really don't much care if I get up or not. I'm not sure how to fill the time."

It's a struggle to purposefully make a life out of what others just take for granted. I think many of us can relate to this, even in very small ways.

Hugs and a big kiss from across the globe. I will talk to you again tomorrow.


Herrad said...

Hi Rain,

Yep the strawberry and chocolate diet lives yippee!

Hi Stephany,
It took me by surprise, which was a hell of a shock.

Hi JC,
I shall do my best to enjoy what I can.

Thanks so much for coming by really is good to know you all.
Appreciate your support very much.


Herrad said...

Hi Jen,
Thanks for coming by big hug to you too.

Cranky said...

Herrad - damn, it can be scary, cant it? I agree with all the comments. Crying is such a good release and sometimes the only thing you can do in light of the realities.

Rhapsody said...

hmmmmmmmmm....Blessings. I am at a loss for words to express my empathy for your struggle that would have any significants except to say, "I am glad that you can experience some Grace in a day so clouded in pain.

Peace, blessings and freedom form pain.

Lover of Life said...

Letting your emotions out when you are feeling so bad is very cleansing, I think. I so wish things were better for you. So glad the THC is helping. We have such ridiculous laws here in the US.

Sending you loving and pain-free thoughts and energy...

Kimberly said...


I'm sorry to hear you had such a rough start to your day. Pain, especially, weakens our other coping mechanisms until everything is simply overwhelming. As far as Ritchie goes. No one knows what the future may hold. Your fear may or may not come true. However, live life in the NOW. NOW Ritchie IS with you and that's all that matters.

Herrad said...

Hi Cranky,

It is very scary and as you say cryiing is a good way to release emotions.

Hi Rhapsody,

Despite all the pain and tears I did enjoy the day.

Hi Lover of Life,

Did feel relief after crying yesterday as if a boulder had been removed.

Hi Kimberly,

Richie is here I am here and the sun is shining, I am going to enjoy this day.

Thanks for coming by and commenting.


Dave said...

Hi Herrad, thought I'd pop my head round the door and say Hi! Hope you're feeling better.

Herrad said...

Hi Dave,

Lovely that you have popped by and left a comment.

Have a good day.

Blinders Off said...

I know the feeling Herrad :(

Tears produced by emotional crying is way that the body disposes toxic substances. Your good cry made you feel better. It works for me too :)

Herrad said...

Hi Blinders Off,

Thanks for the informative commment guess that explains the feeling of relief after crying.