Monday, June 08, 2009

William Blake 'Augeries of Innocence'.

Yesterday was quite a good day especially after the pancakes which certainly brightened things up.

We both had a very relaxed afternoon and evening, Richie made fresh pasta with aubergine, tomatoes, courgette and broccoli with halumi and a sprinkling of grated Dutch goat cheese over the top.

Last night was fairly amusing TV, we watched the final of this years Apprentice, the big surprise was that the favourite did not win.

Kate, the one Ruby Wax chooses as winner came second, Ruby could not understand that as she had fallen in love with Kate.

Ruby pointed out that Kate had American teeth, which was true; Kate has an amazing set of dazzling teeth.

Surprised myself by crying again literally just before Richie switched off the light, watching him walking around doing last minute things before bed triggered that off big time.

Was thinking about walking and what that would feel like and started to cry, not surprised really as I should have left that wound in peace.

Luckily a kiss and a determination to shut the sad thoughts away and get back to the dreamy relaxed state where I wanted to be, not crying over not being able to walk.

It worked and I was went off to sleep and maybe dreamt too.

Slept until 10 am so think that it was a successful night, where I slept well after putting an old nightmare to sleep.

Sure it may come back from time to time as I am sure that I will never totally accept that I will not be walking again.

Last night received several very supportive comments from blog friends telling me that they feel I have a gift.

That is lovely to hear, I am very touched that it is seen like that and happy if I can help others.

Do think it is very mutual, the blog world and my blog friends give me such tremendous support.

This support helps me to come to terms with life as it is now; love is passed around and gets charged up as it circulates.

Mutual aid and support keeps everything going and is proof for me that we do need each other.

We need to care and support each other; there is nothing more worthwhile and important for us and the planet.

Richie looked after me very well by getting THC for me from the Vaporiser, as soon as I asked for some this morning.

Think these nipped potential problems in the bud, and meant that I did not focus on the pain and discomfort.

THC does not take away pain but it does shift the emphasis and allows relaxation which also minimises pain.

Because of the weed I have a good a life as possible given my physical restrictions and the fact that I have been in bed since the 21 August last year.

My life would not be as good without the weed as I would either be in constant pain and distress or zonked out and no longer able to take part in life around me.

Really find it hard to accept that Texas will not allow medicinal marijuana but will give BR more than enough opiates to keep him zonked and not able to take a full part in life around him.

But not allow him to use marijuana which would relax him and give him relief from pain and give him a good quality of life without having to take a whole arsenal of pills.

Please visit BR and Steve and leave them a message of support @

Find this level of inhumanity very hard to take and makes me hope for change as this is something that needs action as soon as possible.

This is something very important and vital which needs to be looked after real soon.

Pain is of course part of our human existence, it is not something that can be fully conquered but it should also not dominate our lives otherwise we do not have a life.

We can control the pain I feel with the weed which allows me to relax and have a good appetite as well as sleep well.

My life has now totally changed in the last three years; I no longer feel very dynamic but guess that is something that I have to redefine for myself.

We all need a positive self image, this you create yourself and is part reality and partly fantasy but becomes more real as you go along.

For the most part I do not feel so different from the person who went to St. Andrew’s School in Maraval, Port of Spain, and Trinidad all those years ago.

I am still endlessly curious about the people and the world around me, hope that never changes.

I am still endlessly curious everyday about the world and its people.


Anonymous said...

Herrad my friend! Lovely post. Thanks for discussing the why's of taking the weed, I actually thought it worked as a pain killer, but it makes sense that it distracts and relaxes you enough to cope with it. I wish I could take some of your pain for you. I can handle it.

On a lighter note, oh wow those pancakes look gooooood!!! Fresh strawberries are such a treat! And those chocolates? Oh my I'm drooling!!! I finished all of my cheeses and paté yesterday and I'm having goat cheese withdrawals, lol!

Have a nice evening (should be 4pm for you as I type this)!

Jen said...

Hi Herrad---

I've been away but have come back and I'm now back to reading your blog. I have a question: will you be getting into a chair in the coming months? I remember reading about this on your blog and wonder what is the plan for this. I hope that it is coming in the near future. Also: would you consider doing a podcast? I think people would really enjoy your gift even more with this. You DO have a gift for communicating and I also always find your photos very interesting. I like to see how others' worlds look.

I was just down in Savannah, Georgia (U.S.) and we went to a local museum. I viewed an oil painting of Holland's tulips and I instantly thought of you.

What I find I need most from others is a sense of balance with this disease. Because mine is so acute, it is VERY easy for me to forget during remissions what I go through during relapses. You and some others who visit my site remind me of this sunshine/rain balancing act on a daily basis.

Heading back to the writing grind. It's about 75 and sunny here. Sending you a virtual hydrangea plant (it's purple I think...)



Rae said...

The world certainly is a wondrous place and I, like you, am very curious.
Although I sometimes get tired of television and the bad news broadcasts, I realize how limited my knowledge of the world would be without it.
Hoping you have another good day today.

Richie said...

It is never real to me- you are so dynamic I forget you are sick. I like Jen's idea about pod casting why not try to write a script? You have plenty to say!
I will do the donkey work- record and edit if you want- you just talk into the mike.
Love you R

Libby said...

oh my gosh, herrad! that is the most amazing idea in the world, a podcast for you!! that is GREAT!! you really should do that!! it would be a good wayy to get your life out here!!

Herrad said...

Hi Rain,

Thanks for coming by saw your comment at 17 its now 20.31.
Have a good afternoon/evening.

Hi Jen,

Podcast is a good idea.
Will see if I can write a script been meaning to do a podcast since February and put it on Charles's site MSB Podcast.

Hi Rae,

I am having a good day today hope you are too.

Hi Richie,

Will try to do a script this week.

Hi Libby,

Thanks fo0r your comment will tr yc and write a s cript for a podcast this week.



Stuff could always be worse said...

I know that being in bed for a week about drove me crazy, watching TV also gets boring. Glad you can write and communicate with the world this way. I might have told you, I use a power wheelchair to make me feel like I am living. I used to hate it.

Taxingwoman said...

Amazing strawberries you have there Herrad. We will have them in season here very soon.
Yeah I don't get what the big deal is about smoking pot.

Amrita said...

There was atime when arthritis crippled me so much that i could hardly walk and I wondered if I could ever walk again.
I was supernaturally by God and thru herbal meds otherwise I too would be lying in bed.

I know what pain is. I was pumping myself with pain killer andhardly got any relief.

Herrad you are a special person.

Living Day to Day with Multiple Sclerosis said...

Hi Herrad! I have to agree. The picture of the strawberries looked very yummy! I agree with everyone about the podcast. I think you are an inspiration and can help many people. Also, thank you for talking so openly about weed. I hear so much about how it helps but always wondered how. I do have a question about it though. Does it help with muscle spasms and the tightness in legs and bone/tendon pain? If I was going to ever try using it it would have to help those issues. I am over the maximum dosage of baclofan and it really doesn't touch it. The Dr's recommended getting the baclofan pump but I am not liking that idea.

Herrad said...

Hi Kim,

Thanks for coming by, without the internet I would go crazy in bed.

Hi Carole,

Sadly the strawberries have all been eaten now.
And even more sad is someones prejudices that stop BR and many others from a better quality of life with medicinal weed.

Hi Amrita,

Happy to hear you got relief from arthritis, painkillers are not good cause other problems.

Glad you don't have to rely on them.


steve said...

Howdy Herrad -

Those who don't live with severe, chronic pain have no hope of understanding how it permeates every aspect of life. How it's like being high on the worst drug ever designed, with no chance of it wearing off. Its negative effects on the brain. On the body. On joy. On hope.

Here's a little something to brighten your Tuesday.

suejan said...

Hello,Herrad.Didn't realise u r bed bound since Aug. I used to have leg cramp early morning.Already have a rising bed but swear by memory foam mattress. Your photos are lovely

Herrad said...

Hi Steve,

Thanks for your comment and the link.

Wish I could brighten your day too.

Perhaps these could make you laugh:

Hi SueJan,

Thanks for your comment and your visit.
I have an air filled mattress that constantly changes pressure.



steve said...

Smoothies. Fresh fruit. Ha!