Monday, June 08, 2009
William Blake 'Augeries of Innocence'.
Yesterday was quite a good day especially after the pancakes which certainly brightened things up.
We both had a very relaxed afternoon and evening, Richie made fresh pasta with aubergine, tomatoes, courgette and broccoli with halumi and a sprinkling of grated Dutch goat cheese over the top.
Last night was fairly amusing TV, we watched the final of this years Apprentice, the big surprise was that the favourite did not win.
Kate, the one Ruby Wax chooses as winner came second, Ruby could not understand that as she had fallen in love with Kate.
Ruby pointed out that Kate had American teeth, which was true; Kate has an amazing set of dazzling teeth.
Surprised myself by crying again literally just before Richie switched off the light, watching him walking around doing last minute things before bed triggered that off big time.
Was thinking about walking and what that would feel like and started to cry, not surprised really as I should have left that wound in peace.
Luckily a kiss and a determination to shut the sad thoughts away and get back to the dreamy relaxed state where I wanted to be, not crying over not being able to walk.
It worked and I was went off to sleep and maybe dreamt too.
Slept until 10 am so think that it was a successful night, where I slept well after putting an old nightmare to sleep.
Sure it may come back from time to time as I am sure that I will never totally accept that I will not be walking again.
Last night received several very supportive comments from blog friends telling me that they feel I have a gift.
That is lovely to hear, I am very touched that it is seen like that and happy if I can help others.
Do think it is very mutual, the blog world and my blog friends give me such tremendous support.
This support helps me to come to terms with life as it is now; love is passed around and gets charged up as it circulates.
Mutual aid and support keeps everything going and is proof for me that we do need each other.
We need to care and support each other; there is nothing more worthwhile and important for us and the planet.
Richie looked after me very well by getting THC for me from the Vaporiser, as soon as I asked for some this morning.
Think these nipped potential problems in the bud, and meant that I did not focus on the pain and discomfort.
THC does not take away pain but it does shift the emphasis and allows relaxation which also minimises pain.
Because of the weed I have a good a life as possible given my physical restrictions and the fact that I have been in bed since the 21 August last year.
My life would not be as good without the weed as I would either be in constant pain and distress or zonked out and no longer able to take part in life around me.
Really find it hard to accept that Texas will not allow medicinal marijuana but will give BR more than enough opiates to keep him zonked and not able to take a full part in life around him.
But not allow him to use marijuana which would relax him and give him relief from pain and give him a good quality of life without having to take a whole arsenal of pills.
Please visit BR and Steve and leave them a message of support @
Find this level of inhumanity very hard to take and makes me hope for change as this is something that needs action as soon as possible.
This is something very important and vital which needs to be looked after real soon.
Pain is of course part of our human existence, it is not something that can be fully conquered but it should also not dominate our lives otherwise we do not have a life.
We can control the pain I feel with the weed which allows me to relax and have a good appetite as well as sleep well.
My life has now totally changed in the last three years; I no longer feel very dynamic but guess that is something that I have to redefine for myself.
We all need a positive self image, this you create yourself and is part reality and partly fantasy but becomes more real as you go along.
For the most part I do not feel so different from the person who went to St. Andrew’s School in Maraval, Port of Spain, and Trinidad all those years ago.
I am still endlessly curious about the people and the world around me, hope that never changes.
I am still endlessly curious everyday about the world and its people.