Sunday, June 14, 2009
It remains a strange situation but that is to be expected when suddenly life has changed so dramatically.
I still feel the same but am so obviously not the same and never will be again; the only thing that will happen is I get progressively worse.
What I can do now is a fraction of what I could do last year and is more than I ever will be able to do in the future.
Quite a scary thought that at some point I will lose the little that I can do now, no one none of the doctors can give me a prognosis of when or what to expect next.
Nobody knows how or when that will be and what course it will take, we are completely on our own with this.
It became clear to me that as I did not know what was happening the only way to go was to enjoy each day, to make the best of it and to really enjoy every moment.
That became clear to me on the 21 August when I was told by Ton, the nurse from the RCA that I would have to stay in bed until the pressure sore healed.
After I had cried for over an hour I realised that if I did not stop I would be hurting Richie and myself and triggering depression.
It was difficult to stop, difficult to take responsibility and not just let everything wash over me while I played the sad victim.
It was not the moment for introspection; this was the moment when it was important to devise a strategy for survival.
It is a hard situation which needs to be treated sensitively, the whole situation is so demanding that it is important we look out and support each other.
Even though it was difficult to stop crying and to not act as a victim it had to be done especially as I did not want things to be left unresolved to fester away and demoralise us.
Being positive was the best option as far as I could see the only viable option; my intention was to enjoy everyday.
First I pretended and very deliberately enjoyed myself until it became natural after awhile.
I found I could enjoy a variety of things like a sunny day, the sound of happy kids playing outside the house, watching the dogs playing lots of things to enjoy if you are receptive.
Glad that I decided to enjoy everything there was to enjoy especially as it is not certain what will happen next.
So really best to enjoy life while we can.
And that is what I do.
Hope everyone is having a good day today.