Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Not A Moment.
Last night I went to sleep quite quickly, probably just when I was thinking hope that I can fall asleep without any problems.
I recall thinking that and then do not remember anything else, not until I woke up this morning.
It was briefly sunny and the skies were a beautiful blue, sadly only very briefly, so much so that I can hardly remember what that looked like now.
It has become very grey and cloudy, with some wonderfully clouds, they looked like pure fantasy clouds.
Some looked like faces, others like mountains and others were even more fanciful.
Last night before I drifted off to sleep I was thinking about what I was going to write about today.
Only problem that now it is morning again and I do not remember a scrap of what I was going to have written about.
Wish I could remember it now, know that it was about how I am living now, how most of the time I do not think about how I am.
Just get on with it; every now and then it is quite a shock to contemplate exactly how handicapped I am.
When I recently discovered that I no longer have any movement in my torso I was shocked to bits, now that too has passed and I accept things as they and I am.
If I cry about it I could cry forever but that will not help, I can not change it for the better.
But I could make it worse by grieving excessively; mind you losing my mobility has been and still is awfully difficult for me and all those who knew me before to accept.
What I do find interesting is how my perception of myself changed at first because I just could not cope with the rapid changes.
Could not have imagined at the start being as I am now, would not have thought possible to live like I am now.
But it seems that losing so much has made me very appreciative for what I have and it means that life is even more precious to me now.
It has been and is illuminating for me to see this change in me, guess most people will recognise the emotions.
Life is difficult now that I am so dependant on Richie but what there is has become very special to me, so special that I do not want to miss a moment of it.
Not a moment, some say it is brave others that it is pure common sense to make the best of what you have, use it all while you can.
Live life in the here and now and enjoying all that can.