Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Onwards and Upwards to the Start of Spring
Funny how as my MS progresses my feelings about myself have progressed too, at the start really did feel that every shred of self worth had been stripped off me.
That is how I felt, somehow worthless and useless, guess that is all to do with not being able to work anymore.
Not nice to suddenly not being able to go to work, see now that it may have been better for me to stay at work for longer than I did.
My problem then was I could not get further than my front door when I could still get down the steps.
Really needed my work to get me there every day so that I could have been part of the action for a wee while longer than I was.
They were quite happy not to see me, meant out of sight out of mind until they could get rid of me which they did in 2008.
It did give me 2 years to get back to work, well in theory it did in practice my bosses did not want me at work as then they might have had to adapt the office.
Did hear that my work’s policy was to get rid of anyone who became long term ill, if that happened they would first try to reduce your hours.
Reduced hours gave you less sickness and unemployment money and less rights most people do not have any knowledge of any of this.
When I fell and broke the cartilage in my knee they were nice briefly but when they realised I needed to go to the physiotherapist 3 xs per week they liked it less.
Then my bosses got really unpleasant and very month there was meeting where they would tell me about all my misdemeanours.
Seeing as I worked at the Serviced desk with 4 colleagues and we all logged on with the same password it was not possible to tell who had done what
But that did not stop them from accusing me of all sorts of things, these meetings were very stressful
At night I slept increasingly badly would be constantly thinking and dreaming and having nightmares about the meetings and accusations.
Until the accident I had been the best Service desk employee, the shining example for everyone else and then suddenly I got demoted.
And I was a fair game to be harassed out of the job, then the stress became too much and my balance went and then I was sent to the neurologist.
I think that all the stress at work hastened the onset of my symptoms, something that even my former employer would I think be shocked by.
Suddenly the clouds have gone and there is blue skies and sunshine, looks like tonight will be noticably longer light.
Yesterday it was still daylight at 6 pm.
Yippee onwards and upwards to the start of spring.