Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Onwards and Upwards to the Start of Spring

Salvadore Dali.

Funny how as my MS progresses my feelings about myself have progressed too, at the start really did feel that every shred of self worth had been stripped off me.

That is how I felt, somehow worthless and useless, guess that is all to do with not being able to work anymore.

Not nice to suddenly not being able to go to work, see now that it may have been better for me to stay at work for longer than I did.

My problem then was I could not get further than my front door when I could still get down the steps.

Really needed my work to get me there every day so that I could have been part of the action for a wee while longer than I was.

They were quite happy not to see me, meant out of sight out of mind until they could get rid of me which they did in 2008.

It did give me 2 years to get back to work, well in theory it did in practice my bosses did not want me at work as then they might have had to adapt the office.

Did hear that my work’s policy was to get rid of anyone who became long term ill, if that happened they would first try to reduce your hours.

Reduced hours gave you less sickness and unemployment money and less rights most people do not have any knowledge of any of this.

When I fell and broke the cartilage in my knee they were nice briefly but when they realised I needed to go to the physiotherapist 3 xs per week they liked it less.

Then my bosses got really unpleasant and very month there was meeting where they would tell me about all my misdemeanours.

Seeing as I worked at the Serviced desk with 4 colleagues and we all logged on with the same password it was not possible to tell who had done what
But that did not stop them from accusing me of all sorts of things, these meetings were very stressful

At night I slept increasingly badly would be constantly thinking and dreaming and having nightmares about the meetings and accusations.

Until the accident I had been the best Service desk employee, the shining example for everyone else and then suddenly I got demoted.

And I was a fair game to be harassed out of the job, then the stress became too much and my balance went and then I was sent to the neurologist.

I think that all the stress at work hastened the onset of my symptoms, something that even my former employer would I think be shocked by.

Suddenly the clouds have gone and there is blue skies and sunshine, looks like tonight will be noticably longer light.

Yesterday it was still daylight at 6 pm.

Yippee onwards and upwards to the start of spring.


Rain said...

That's sickening how your employers treated you, I can relate. Although my own experience was more manipulative than direct. I know how you feel, that feeling of being worthless and useless because you can't work anymore. Just last week, I was in a terrible place and I was wishing beyond wish that I could work full-time again...it's not to be, so yeah, we have to adapt. I've noticed how the daylight is sticking around too! Even in the Yukon, lol!

Stephany said...

Hi Herrad,

It's been daylight until 6pm here too, which means we've been able to go to the dog park longer! it's nice to have the sun out past 430pm isn't it?

Hope the evening is pleasant


Herrad said...

Hi Rain,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your supportive comment.
Shame you can't work, but you are right we have to adapt to our situation.
Been noticing tis lighter now.

Hi Stephany,
Thanks for coming by, lovely to see your comment.
Wonderful to hear ti is also lighter for you too, nice to get the extra time.

Thanks both of you dear friends for coming by.
Keep warm and have a good Wednesday.

Travelogue for the Universe said...

I have been in all kinds of hard jobs and dread when I don't have one.I was laid off after 14 years at the hospital and believe stress does scar you nerves. It strips the insulation off. Focus on your good life away from that bad boss.Love, Mary

Anonymous said...

An outstanding entry of yours.
Even though being "self-employed" for the last five years, remember how hard it was to see me parents loose their job due to "taking care of the company's budget".
Yet, in the end we remaind a good family and yes, spring did arrive time and again.
Please have you all a wonderful Wednesday.

Chekoala said...

Hey Herrad
Their loss BUT our (us folk out in the blogoshere's) gain!

weeble said...

Hi Herrad,
I'm here via Wheelchair Kamikaze and EnjoyingtheRide.

I'm sorry for how you were treated when at the end of your employment.

I am fortunate that I got treated very well when I had to leave work when I was 37 because of disability. My employer was very patient and supportive. Co-workers still keep me 'in the loop' and come visit me or take me to a show/dinner. I never take these great people for granted. This was 4 years ago now.

It looks like I have a lot of looking around to do on your blog. Looks great :)

Webster said...

Yep! Light goes dim at 6 PM here too. It gets light before 7 AM, too. We're less than a month away from Spring Equinox. Warmer weather can't be too far ahead.

Peace Be With You said...

Herrad, I am so sorry for your bad experience at work. Mine was more like Weebie's so I too was fortunate. Still, there is so much self definition associated with he work experience that when I no longer had that, i felt cut adrift and sometimes my self worth suffered. It took for me to find my way out of that. You, Herrad, shine through this blog and your courage and indomitable spirit are an inspiration to us all.

Herrad said...

Hi Mary,
Thanks for coming by, know what you mean about dreading not having a job.
After 9/11 it was suddenly totally difficult to get a job, and then for only 6 months at a time.
Kind of reminded me of 1975 where suddenly there were masses of people at interviews.
Thanks for your thoughts on the effects of stress.

Hi Robert,
Thanks for coming by and for sharing stories about your parents, must have been scary for them to lose their jobs.

Hi Chekoala,
Thanks fro coming by and leaving your lovely comment.

Hi Weeble,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your comment and becoming a follower of my blog.
Am very touched by that.
Thanks again, really love meeting new people.
Hope to see you often.

Hi Webster,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your comment.
Good to hear about dusk also being at 6 pm.
It is brilliant that we are only 4 weeks away from the start of spring.

Thanks for coming by and leaving your comments which are very much appreciated.
Hope you are all having a good ay today.
Keep warm.
Big hugs.

Herrad said...

Hi Judy,
Thanks for coming by and leaving your supportive comment which is very much appreciated.
Hope you have a good day today.
Keep warm.
Big hugs.