Saturday, September 05, 2009

Concentric circles.

This week has been very difficult because the effects of having been in bed for over a year are very noticeable now.

My muscles have become so weak that my body sags and hangs in concentric circles from my torso to my hips.

It means that my body has concertinaed and is sagging and leaning and hanging in different directions all at once.

It is very destabilising so the rest of my body tries to compensate and my shoulders and neck try to keep me sitting up in one spot.

This is not possible and it gives me considerable amount of stress to my shoulders and neck, especially my neck.

Since Wednesday I have not been sleeping well, and on Thursday did not sleep all night, lay in bed dozing and really felt any minute I could drift off but it did not happen.

Last night thought there would be no problem in sleeping after two bad nights but seems I was wrong about that as I lay here dreaming about sleep.

At the beginning of the week twice I drifted off to sleep only to wake within a short time.

Once after two hours and the second time after 10 minutes, each time I was confused as I had fallen asleep so quickly.

Thought at first that it was the middle of the night, it is a really strange falling asleep so quickly and deeply only to wake up ten minutes later just as Richie’s light was out.

Heard him start to sleep soundly and assumed that this would also happen for me but it did not happen.

I lay with my eyes shut breathing slowly and hoping that I would drift off again, many hours later I asked Richie for thc after he returned from the toilet, and that did the trick.

I also think that the MS is progressing a wee bit too as my hands and arms are not cooperating so well this week.

A friend of mine is convinced that my mouse is too heavy, can’t seem to explain to her that it is a cordless mouse with a battery.

It is not too heavy, that is not the problem, and my problem is my hands do not have the articulation that they had.

And my arms which have been very tense this week and not easy to move, plus sitting up to eat is less pleasant.

Due to the concentric sagging of my body I can’t sit as upright to eat so half recline, which I had to do from the start.

Except now I am slumped lower and my arms/hands are having increasing problems to ferry the food from plate to mouth.

Added to that is has been so cool and dark and rainy for the start of September, on Tuesday it poured for hours.

The changing of the seasons is too abrupt for me, but then again that happened at the start of summer one minute it was 20 degrees and next it was 30 degrees.

Despite how wipe out I was in the heat it is better than grey, wet, cool.

I think all these things plus thinking about the wheelchair has upset me this week and the fact summer has gone too.

No wonder I am feeling it all.

Oh well still going to make the best of today, there was a quick glimpse of sun which was nice.


Lucy said...

Herrad nearly everything you say about your problems with your body, I can relate to what you are talking about, I saw it, and with a child no matter how old or how young as a mom you feel so helpless and yes, it hurts because you can only do so much to help him. I am sure your Richie feels the same. Damn MS

Herrad said...

Hi Lucy,

Thanks for visiting my blog.
You are right it is horrible to watch and not be able to do anything to make it go away
Its a shitty disease.
Still I want all the time I can get.
Richie is in pieces, he looks ater me with love.
Have a good weekend dear friend.

JC said...

Just stopping by to say HELLO .. it's a rainy Saturday ...

I told you I'd stop by when I could ...

Sorry you can't sleep. That happened to me after I woke up from my coma.

Herrad said...

Hi JC,
Lovely to see your comment, hope you have a good weekend despite the weather.

Libby said...

hi herrad...i think the weather change is awful on us, even though it's getting cooler, not takes more out of us than anybody knows...fingers crossed for us all!

Gareth said...

Watcha H@R, just wanted to send you some HUGGING and a LOVING hope ya manage to sleep a bit tonight.

Ps the picture of blueish circles has given me some insperation on me decor


Stephany said...

Hi Herrad, I think it's OK to feel a let down this week. It's raining on and off here too.Hope you sleep tonight.

Kelli said...

It is a shitty disease. I am so sorry you are having a difficult time.
You always make me grateful for the mobility I do have.
Keep that positive attitude.

Herrad said...

Hi Libby,
I hate weather changes too, especially when it is one extreme to another.
Really awful for us all, I am keeping my fingers crossed.

Hi Gareth,
Thanks for the love and hugs sending you heaps of both.
Look forward to seeing pics when you are finished.

Hi Stephany,
Today there was some sun here and occasional blue skies, but it is for sure cooler now.
Can't stand the sudden switches in temp but thats how it goes so I guess we just go witht eh flow and look forward.
Hope I sleep well tonight and you do too.
Big hugs.

Hi Kelli,
You are right it is a really shitty disease.
Wish now that I did more when I could bu that is hindsight I guess.
You stay positive too.

Thanks evryone for coming by and leaving my a coment, really does me good tosee them.
Have a good Sunday.

robert said...

Good morning Herrad,
liked the circles you had today. Reminds me of the many differential equations I had to calculate a couple of years ago. Yes, agree that there is most of the times a disturbance function (perturbation function) to be found, but most of the times it can be eleminated.
A Sunday with more round shapes, dreams to circle in, I'd like to wish you tonight.

Anonymous said...

Hi Herrad! I remember you saying at one point that the MS is worse at the change of seasons, I do hope it is not progressing quicker, that it really is because of the fall weather. I'm so glad you have the THC to help you through this...Take care please!

Herrad said...

Hi Robert,
You are right it is late.
Really enjoyed the photo links on your blog.
Have a good day witrh all the dreams and thoughts you desire.

Hi Rain,
Thanks for reminding me that the MS gets wsorse when theeasons change,I forgot.
Going to inhale some thc now.

Have a good day tomorrow and thanks both of you for coming by, am off to sleep shortly.

Webster said...

I hope you're sleeping better tonight, Herrad, that nighttime fitfulness sucks. I feel so bad for you that everything is so difficult now. All was supposed to be better once the sore healed ... but it's not looking that way - yet. Don't give up hope, though. There is always room for hope, and loving doggies on the bed.

Herrad said...

Hi Webster,
Really was good to see your comment.
I0 slept much better last night, guess the weather change had something to do with it too.
Thanks for your support.
Have a good day.

Lucy said...

Thank you Herrad for your encouraging words. Sometimes I feel so stupid compared to otherswho make brilliant comments. Other times it isn't just the blog. Here you are comforting me, with all your problems. Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart and I am glad you want all the time you can get with Richie.

Herrad said...

Hi Lucy,
We both think you are a wonderful person, a couragous, strong woman.
Relax and believe in you.
Have a good day.

Diane J Standiford said...

Herrad, I'm probably going to say stuff you already know, but here goes: Make sure R does ROM, range of motion exercises with you every day, 3x/day if he can. KEEP BLOGGING! With help from friends, keep moving your body how you want it to move. You will be sending that message to the noggin. Know all is possible. There is some part of your body you can move, make it the strongest part ever! Oh, the issue, I recently discovered that moving playing cards around has helped! Who knew? And that is just it---you won't know what you are capable of till ya try. You are a BLOGGER! That is more than many able bodied people can lay claim to! Keep talking, if you have trouble talking, don't feel embarrassed, and if you can talk you can write more with technology. Sic R on the G. (Google) lots to help you move in bed. If not for a lift chair I would be bedridden. They go all the way back. I sleep fine in mine with added cushioning, sheets etc. Just some suggestions. You can't change the weather, but your body is yours to change. Hang in there! (Both of you!)

Herrad said...

Hi Diane,
Thanks for your mail and suggestions.
Richie does my legs for 30 mins after I wake and I do arm exercises 30 mins and 30 mins per day on motomed.
Maybe we will do more.
And the physiotherapist is here 2 per week.
Really appreciate your support.

Stephanie said...

Hi Herrad,

Just stopped by to say hi, I'll be crossing my fingers tonight in hopes that you get some sleep tonight.

<3 Steph

Herrad said...

Hi Stephany,
Slept well last night, until 4.30 when some people outside woke us up by having a loud conversation which involved braying laughter before departing.
Even then after some thc I went back to sleep until 10.30/11 this morning.
Hoping tonight is another sleeping night.
Hope you had a good daya nd sleep well tonight.

Herrad said...

Hi Stephany,
Slept well last night, until 4.30 when some people outside woke us up by having a loud conversation which involved braying laughter before departing.
Even then after some thc I went back to sleep until 10.30/11 this morning.
Hoping tonight is another sleeping night.
Hope you had a good daya nd sleep well tonight.