Sunday, September 06, 2009
The Uninvited Houseguest.
Post Modernist Art.
Vincent van Gogh.
MS is a shitty disease that came to visit uninvited and decided to stay.
First there were small tremors in the legs, then tingling in the hands.
Walking getting difficult, dragging right leg and stumbling more and more.
Quickly had a stick, then a walking aid, then a wheelchair.
Fell so often in the time before but always a reason, many reasons, when all along there was but one.
Difficult to explain the many strange, uncomfortable and painful sensations.
So many too, on my head and scalp tingly mildly at first, now there are, little electric shocks, tingling, jangling, irritated, oversensitive, feels on fire.
Tingling in the fingers, but fingers worked, could still roll my joints and pluck hairs and file nails and paint them too.
No problem with knife and fork, or eating with one hand and holding a glass with the other.
Could type with both hands and write with a pen, no problem turning pages or reading letters, or shuffling papers or reading the newspapers.
Could pick up the teapot and pour tea, could spread butter on bread, pick up a piece of cake.
Hands stopped functioning well and I could not do too much.
Then the spasms became more, and stronger, they flipped me backwards out of my wheelchair.
That hurt my back and my neck real bad, hanging there until rescued, scary times hanging with vomit running across my face and eyes.
Rescued by my darling and comforted and cleaned and drank tea together.
Had already got used to being washed and dried, was happy I could still do m y face and teeth.
Painful sensations are moving bit by bit across my body; in 2007 it had got to near the top of my legs.
Now it is up to my breasts and I feel the full range of painful sensations up to my armpits.
It is tingling, fizzing, stinging, pricking, and slashing, shocking.
My arms and shoulders are very stiff and painful, difficult to straighten them in the mornings.
At night I lie where I am placed.
In the morning as soon as I am awake I feel all the painful sensations as they travel around my body.
The MS has stolen much since it first came by as a sneak thief, then it got bolder and just marched in and took.
I can still smile, laugh, cry, shout, express love and be loved.
Can communicate, can eat and drink and breathe.
May have no independence of movement or actions now, but I have my will, my intelligence and humour.
As long as I have that I am still me.