Monday, December 07, 2009
An Emotional Week.
Been thinking today about life and living and how we all take it for granted until something happens.
Like a progressive disease where suddenly everything is very different.
Little did I know on that July day in 2006 that within the year I would become so handicapped, and that our lives would be altered so very dramatically,
Remember that just before my first MRI I had a feeling that everything would not be ok, that this could be something that might not be mend able.
At the time I thought I would be told that I had a tumour on my brain, these were my thoughts the night we realised Daisy, our dog was very ill.
We could see that she was in tremendous pain and was very scared, luckily we had some pain killers from the vets so could give her some relief that night.
Recall looking at her and thinking that neither of us had got long to live, did not know then that she had precisely two days left.
I think now that I was very emotional that night; it was a horrible shock, our lovely Daisy was suddenly with no warning ill.
This happened on the Sunday and by the Tuesday we had taken her to the vets for the last time.
What an over the top emotional week that was.
On Friday 23 June I went off to the hospital for my first MRI feeling like a lamb going off to slaughter.
I did not get slaughtered but a month later when we went to the hospital for the results, we were told that I had Primary Progressive MS.
We were absolutely shattered, it was Wednesday, 19 July, I spent rest of the week crying and trying to evade the diagnosis.
By the Saturday I decided to get my head out of the sand and get some information from the internet.
Discovered that there was plenty of information, there were also plenty of diets and plenty of sites offering miracle cures.
Most of the information did not seem to be underpinned by much scientific research so was of little use to me.
When I discovered that I could not get into the newly built supposedly accessible local swimming pool I started this blog.
That was on 4 October 2006 and my first post was incredibly long, reads now more like an essay rather than a post.
It was interesting reading my first post, glad to see I did not write why me, then as now I think if not me then someone else and I could not wish this on someone else.
I do wish that a cure was found, or at least that the cause was known and a cure was being worked on.
Neither of those things is sadly true, it is amazing given how long people have been suffering from MS that we are no nearer to a cure.
But maybe there is no cure, we humans do tend to think we can cure everything, if it is broken we will fix it.
But perhaps we can not fix everything, we think because we have reason that this elevates us to something better than the other animals.
Shame that we think we are so superior.
Perhaps it would be better to acknowledge that we are animals, intelligent, social animals and instead of wondering about the meaning of life we should get on with living, and living in the here and now.
We need to recognise that we need each other and that the best way for us to live is to look after and nurture each other that in my opinion is the best way to ensure our survival.